Too shallow to get a girlfriend?

Cross-reference for those who rightfully shun Basil

Lack sufficient experience to bring new points to the table or to elaborate on points that have already been made.

So there's my problem, lower apples taste bad and apples at the top seem to be out of my league and even if I tried to climb up there and pick those up, I'm sure I would fall down, break my leg and make a fool of myself. Besides, I bet pretty much all the hot girls are already dating.

Not saying it's easy, but this might be part of the problem. Also I am sure this will sound corny in some respect. Nobody is perfect, but fear of failure should not keep you from trying. You shouldn't care what others think because more than half the time, they are so worried about themselves that they won't care to think about you in a negative light. Lowering your standards could help, but I understand that most people don't want to do that. I can see your point though that all the good looking girls have boyfriends, but I guess that is because they are the good looking ones... eventually they will break up and be back on the market, hopefully...

Anyways, if you keep trying you will succeed at some point. At least from my P.O.V. I don't see many 40 year old virgins around so I think eventually everyone does something right and finds that person. I've been single since junior summer of highschool, almost 3 years now and I'll admit it kind of sucks (I am also a skinny white guy, so yay for having stuff in common). Keep trying, there are lots of fish in the sea.

Edit: just google imaged finnish girls and GOD DAM SON. If everyone in your country looks like that, there is no hope for you xD

I'm 17 and turning 18 in just 3 months. I've never had a girlfriend IN REAL LIFE. Let's admit it. I was online dating with someone in MS, because of being so desperate. I've never kissed a girl outside some girl I knew when I was 3. I've actually liked girls as far as I can remember. The girls I found pretty... When I was a kid though, I kept these things and crushes a secret, other than between my friend and I. In fact some other people in my agegroup back then probably were still searching for their gender.

But suddenly when I was just about to graduate and got out of the normal school (at the age of 16, note that Finland has a different education system from that of the US) many people were openly having a girlfriend. Now I'm in "higher secondary school (or gymnasium)" and I have some female friends. One of them is dating, but I could've had a chance with her before that. Maybe. The thing is, I find all the girls I know, including her, too unattractive to date with. I have no clue what her current boyfriend sees in her. The ones I would date are hanging out in other groups and there's just no way a shy guy like me could approach them naturally.

From time to time I wonder if I'll ever get a girlfriend. Maybe my self-esteem is low, sometimes I feel bad cause I look so bad in photos and sometimes I think I look okay in front of the mirror. But I've been bullied in school when I was younger and that's why I sometimes think I'm ugly and useless nerd. I'm also a skinny person, all I can see is a slight sixpack when flexing my muscles. Most people tend to say to just drop down my standards. I can't do that... For me, sleeping with an ugly girl is the same as sleeping with a male. I'll rather just be single. It's better like that for both me and the other half. But I'm shallow, really really shallow. To descripe my taste, I like slim, tanned brunettes/black haired girls with brown/black eyes, who make up, dress and act like females and not like men and also pretty asian girls. Maybe this is cause I'm white and I just like something more exotic than what you see in Finland.

So there's my problem, lower apples taste bad and apples at the top seem to be out of my league and even if I tried to climb up there and pick those up, I'm sure I would fall down, break my leg and make a fool of myself. Besides, I bet pretty much all the hot girls are already dating.

Being shallow is not something you want to have, but I don't think that is your problem. The problem is your thought process on this whole situation. You complain about being shallow, but yet all your potential girls are "out of your league". It's going to be very difficult for your to find a girl if you keep on thinking this way. If you don't want to lower your standards, then you need to go after the hotter girls. If you think you have no chance with the hot girls, then you need to lower your standards. Choose one, you can't have both.

Why put hot girls on a pedestal? Don't put them above yourself when you don't know anything about them. They're people just like you and if you never go talk to them, then how will you know they're taken? Just go and talk to that hot girl. The worst thing she can do is reject your advances and rejection isn't all that bad. If she's rude about it, then she's a b'itch and not worth it. Most of the time, women will politely decline, and won't make a big deal about it. This is better than regret and having that "what if" lingering in your head. Don't take rejection personally and be outcome dependent.

It also seems that you are lacking in some self-confidence. If you can't learn to appreciate yourself, then how will a girl love you? Don't like the way you look? Go work out, even a little bit will boost your confidence. Now I might be opening a can of worms here, but here a 2 links I found helpful in boosting my confidence.

http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/commen...ame_by_me/
http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/commen...t_lessons/

Then stay single then. I'm not sure why you're posting this thread. To troll? Because honestly:

a) You dictated your problem.
b) You know how to fix that problem.

What do you expect us to do?

I hate how you're dividing girls into "hot" or "ugly." Where's the "normal?"

What do you expect us to do?

Is this the part where we tell him while girls sometimes do go for the badass and not nice guys that he's annoying and that might also be wh―

Are there any girls posting in this thread.... ? xd

Now I might be opening a can of worms here, but here a 2 links I found helpful in boosting my confidence.

Don’t be afraid of girl friends… Friends who are girls?!?! Yup, they can teach you a lot about how women react.. Stop trying to pineapple everything that moves and learn from people

lol'd so hard.

To descripe my taste, I like slim, tanned brunettes/black haired girls with brown/black eyes, who make up, dress and act like females and not like men and also pretty asian girls

Well, if you're really desperate, just head over to some place in Asia since they'll dig you're white.

I might make a more serious comment later after I'm done just shaking my head at this entire thing.

Dating advice: Southperry edition.

I love it.

Didn't you post an angry dome thread about your teeth rotting out of your mouth? Pretty sure that's your problem.

Didn't you post an angry dome thread about your teeth rotting out of your mouth? Pretty sure that's your problem.

....gg

@MARK

WHATS YOUR ADVICE BRO, WE ALL KNOW YOU A LADY"S MAN. on an opposite note I still see your name and my brain refers to the gengar image, you should do it again.

I am sort of like you. I've set my standards a bit unrealistically high and I'm aware of it. However I have no plans to lower it just so I can find someone.
Honestly if you feel the girls you like are way out of your league, confidence is your key to victory. I hate to say it because I lack confidence on first encounters and it takes me a while to open up to people, but seriously being confident while not being a douchebag (if you know what I mean; cocky guys who are arrogant and girls mistake this for confidence hence why you see girls going after douchebags so often) will definitely get you somewhere with someone.

And I know you and some other people are all ANTIDRINKING ALCOHOL IS FOR THE DEVIL but I'm not going to lie here, alcohol is a great social lubricant and gives you confidence to not give a pomegranate and just go up to someone and strike up a conversation. It helps, just don't drink too much obviously.

Didn't you post an angry dome thread about your teeth rotting out of your mouth? Pretty sure that's your problem.

...Okay if this is true, hygiene should be your top priority if you're hoping to attract someone. Shower, brush your teeth, wear deodorant. I think I remember a thread on people saying they'd go a couple days without showering and then go out in public, so...

Didn't you post an angry dome thread about your teeth rotting out of your mouth? Pretty sure that's your problem.

He also posted one of these threads before I believe.

He also posted one of these threads before I believe.

I was talking about Satellite, not Mark.

@MARK

WHATS YOUR ADVICE BRO, WE ALL KNOW YOU A LADY"S MAN. on an opposite note I still see your name and my brain refers to the gengar image, you should do it again.

I have none. Most of you already know I am not a shallow asshat.

True true

I was talking about Satellite, not Mark.

So was I.

Disavow 3DPD, embrace glorious 2D.

Well, you can't really be like that, man. There's no perfect person for you, someone without anything wrong. And if you keep trying to find someone like that, you gotta be alone for a very long time.
It sometimes work like this, you try to find the perfect girl for your whole life, and when you finally find it, who grants that she'll look at you in the same way?

And if she does, then you gotta be some lucky ass dude. You see a lot of couples that seem to be perfect to each other, but they aren't. Life's not about what i see a lot of girls in my class saying to each other, that they want a man that is lovely, mature, beautiful, nice, smart, and kind to her parents and that likes everything they do; there's no copy of yourself, or someone that fulfills all your wishes.

You just have to meet someone, that like EVERYONE else, has flaws and qualities, but that her qualities are enough to make her flaws look irrelevant. You can't erase those defects, nor ignore them or pretend they never existed, you just love her more than you hate her problems.

That's why so many relationships end, because once you are in one, you'll try to ignore all her problems, and if you don't fight back, after the effect goes away, those problems will be much bigger than they are.

I, actually, prefer to have female friends than girlfriends, because i'm not the kind of guy that texts her any and everytime with a lovely message, that says i love you about a thousand times, that can give priority to her over getting out with my friends, for calling her, or for living my life towards someone. If you want an advice, NEVER date a friend if you don't feel anything other than just friendship for her.

My last relationship was a complete piece of crap because of that and because of the other reasons i've said above. She expected me to be someone that i am not, she always came up with a different voice to me, saying i love you everytime, calling me and getting mad when i didn't answer her, when i didn't text her back. She once got mad because two weeks before, my brother's friends that are also mine, were asked to come over our house to play some Rock Band, i've told her about it, she wanted to go to the mall with me and i told her i couldn't, she said there was no problem, later, she came to me acting weird and not answering properly, and when asked, she said "I didn't like the fact they are more important than me".

I've broke up in that day exactly because of that, it's not that she was less important, but there's no reason i would cancel everything that i've planned since two weeks before, because in that morning, she wanted to do something different. I couldn't stand those things that she has done, how she acted, and specially how she DIDN'T know me, because expecting me to change into another person was NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

TL; DR That's it. You won't find someone that is perfect to you and that has no flaws, you have to find someone that completes you, and that has enough qualities to make her flaws smaller than what you feel for her. If you want a perfect girl in just the appearences, then you aren't looking for a girlfriend. And if you can't get in a relationship, or just don't want one of those, like me, you can just have your female friends.

I prefer to have them for many reasons, for the fact that i'm not obligated to act differently, that i just need to be who i am to them.
And man, having them as your friends doesn't mean you can't have something with them, you can date them without being in a relationship, anything, you just need to find someone that also wants that, and it's not as hard as finding someone perfect. You can just have anything you want, just don't judge them so early like that.

But if you really want to have a relationship, then judging the others with so much criteria is not going to lead you anywhere.

If you know what you want but force yourself to settle you're going to wind up in relationships you resent, brah. If you're a shallow douchebag who won't accept anything less than perfect, then you're going to live a lonely life either way. Btw if what Sarah says is true, and you are an ugly nerd as you say, don't expect a supermodel.

Eh, I'm 21 and girlfriendless. I think either it's not that big a deal or I've gotten too used to it I don't know right from left anymore.
Besides, I don't know what normal people think, obviously I'm not up to date with common sense nowadays, but I try to distinguish between liking a girl and liking to have a relationship with her. So I can see the girls taking offence if you go after them just for the heck of it, or maybe they expect most boys to and don't really care, or maybe they themselves go for it just for the heck of it as well, I don't know.

If you were a pool and I was standing in you, I probably wouldn't get water above my toes.

It's not that you're too shallow. You just have a terrible attitude for a relationship to begin with. Until you change that I wouldn't even bother setting standards because you don't have the personality to sustain a relationship.