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+--- Thread: Too shallow to get a girlfriend? (/showthread.php?tid=49213)
Too shallow to get a girlfriend? - Satellite - 2011-11-30
Not sure why I'm posting this here, I would do it anonymous if I could. This is quite pathetic I know...
I'm 17 and turning 18 in just 3 months. I've never had a girlfriend IN REAL LIFE. Let's admit it. I was online dating with someone in MS, because of being so desperate. I've never kissed a girl outside some girl I knew when I was 3. I've actually liked girls as far as I can remember. The girls I found pretty... When I was a kid though, I kept these things and crushes a secret, other than between my friend and I. In fact some other people in my agegroup back then probably were still searching for their gender.
But suddenly when I was just about to graduate and got out of the normal school (at the age of 16, note that Finland has a different education system from that of the US) many people were openly having a girlfriend. Now I'm in "higher secondary school (or gymnasium)" and I have some female friends. One of them is dating, but I could've had a chance with her before that. Maybe. The thing is, I find all the girls I know, including her, too unattractive to date with. I have no clue what her current boyfriend sees in her. The ones I would date are hanging out in other groups and there's just no way a shy guy like me could approach them naturally.
From time to time I wonder if I'll ever get a girlfriend. Maybe my self-esteem is low, sometimes I feel bad cause I look so bad in photos and sometimes I think I look okay in front of the mirror. But I've been bullied in school when I was younger and that's why I sometimes think I'm ugly and useless nerd. I'm also a skinny person, all I can see is a slight sixpack when flexing my muscles. Most people tend to say to just drop down my standards. I can't do that... For me, sleeping with an ugly girl is the same as sleeping with a male. I'll rather just be single. It's better like that for both me and the other half. But I'm shallow, really really shallow. To descripe my taste, I like slim, tanned brunettes/black haired girls with brown/black eyes, who make up, dress and act like females and not like men and also pretty asian girls. Maybe this is cause I'm white and I just like something more exotic than what you see in Finland.
So there's my problem, lower apples taste bad and apples at the top seem to be out of my league and even if I tried to climb up there and pick those up, I'm sure I would fall down, break my leg and make a fool of myself. Besides, I bet pretty much all the hot girls are already dating.
![[Image: tumblr_laczy1JkDw1qblku4o1_500.gif]](http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_laczy1JkDw1qblku4o1_500.gif)
You are posting in a basil thread.
Too shallow to get a girlfriend? - Rob - 2011-11-30
lol
You really have to lower your standards. It all comes up to you when you're not looking for it. Physical attraction is important, yes, and the first approach, but you have to like what's inside their head. You won't be able to stand them overtime.
Also, 365 Days of Summer is one helluva movie.
Too shallow to get a girlfriend? - KhainiWest - 2011-11-30
Your only hope is that you find a girl you like personality wise that will enhance physical features. The problem is your self concious yourself so those faults are exaggerated in your head, and it sounds like you just want to smash ass rather than doing anything long term, and well...you aren't going to find a really pretty girl who flies like that. Plus you're in f`ucking finland so anything besides "white" is out of the question.
@above
That movie sucked
Too shallow to get a girlfriend? - Foxino - 2011-11-30
I completely judged you as a complete and utter douche after reading this. Looks should have nothing to do with it, Yea if she looks cute its a bonus but personality is everything. And from my experience girls that 'act like girls' have zero personality. Something hot to show off maybe but in the end you won't enjoy spending time with them because that's all you have. her looks. She`l get bored and hey your single again.
I'm not saying lower your standards just to get laid, that's horrid. You should raise your standards and try and see past looks. Before you end up a lonely douchebag.
Too shallow to get a girlfriend? - Rob - 2011-11-30
KhainiWest Wrote:@above
That movie sucked
Shush Dustin, Zooey Deschanel is in it, auto-win
Too shallow to get a girlfriend? - SaptaZapta - 2011-11-30
Not wanting to sleep with an ugly girl is shallow, but a common attitude, and I'm not going to repeat what posters above me said.
Considering over 90% of the people around you "ugly" for no flaw other than not being exotic, however, goes beyond shallow to deliberate self-sabotage. Sounds like you lack confidence so you find excuses to approach no-one.
Too shallow to get a girlfriend? - Satellite - 2011-11-30
Durex Wrote:I completely judged you as a complete and utter douche after reading this. Looks should have nothing to do with it, Yea if she looks cute its a bonus but personality is everything. And from my experience girls that 'act like girls' have zero personality. Something hot to show off maybe but in the end you won't enjoy spending time with them because that's all you have. her looks. She`l get bored and hey your single again.
I'm not saying lower your standards just to get laid, that's horrid. You should raise your standards and try and see past looks. Before you end up a lonely douchebag.
I am a complete and utter douche, but I can't just quit being shallow. I can't lower my standards. It's part of me and my personality. Shallow heart stays shallow. That's just like saying that I can suddenly turn gay or something. I think I'll be single for good, before I'm so depressed that I quit my job, escape reality with drugs and kill myself. Future seems so good for me.
Too shallow to get a girlfriend? - KhainiWest - 2011-11-30
Satellite Wrote:I am a complete and utter douche, but I can't just quit being shallow. I can't lower my standards. It's part of me and my personality. Shallow heart stays shallow. That's just like saying that I can suddenly turn gay or something. I think I'll be single for good, before I'm so depressed that I quit my job, escape reality with drugs and kill myself. Future seems so good for me.
Not to be rude but unless you're making over 180k a year you won't get the girl of your dreams. You wouldn't be able to afford the plastic surgery to sustain her youth. You'll grow out of your attitude, fortunately
Too shallow to get a girlfriend? - Foxino - 2011-11-30
Satellite Wrote:I am a complete and utter douche, but I can't just quit being shallow. I can't lower my standards. It's part of me and my personality. Shallow heart stays shallow. That's just like saying that I can suddenly turn gay or something. I think I'll be single for good, before I'm so depressed that I quit my job, escape reality with drugs and kill myself. Future seems so good for me.
At least your honest.. I guess. lol. But you're still the definition of douche.
Too shallow to get a girlfriend? - Ryukiroku - 2011-11-30
I wouldn't say drop your standards. I'd say something like... broaden them... to include other girls besides the "I like slim, tanned brunettes/black haired girls with brown/black eyes, who make up, dress and act like females and not like men and also pretty asian girls." attitude you have going there. I really really REALLY don't understand the mindset, every other girl = I might as well be gay. Women are full of flavors... I'd say like jelly beans(probably a really bad analogy but w/e) but you're not going to get anywhere by just looking at them. Give them a try... you'll find your happiness I'm sure.
Also... yes personality is a huge factor. Even if you have something pretty on the outside, they can be full of pomegranate on the inside. Avoid that.
Too shallow to get a girlfriend? - Death - 2011-11-30
KhainiWest Wrote:Not to be rude but unless you're making over 180k a year you won't get the girl of your dreams.
You wouldn't be able to afford the plastic surgery to sustain her youth. You'll grow out of your attitude, fortunately
I actually found the girl of my dreams. Sadly she lives far away but I dont give a flying crap that she does because we're going to
make it work. (Meeting her in 22 days) Anyway, I know that everyone says that only looks is really shallow but somewhere its not.
It is but also its not. Its pretty hard to explain. Like, its wrong to judge a person just by because of how she looks thats what I find
really shallow. if she actually seems to like everything you do and is really sweet cares a lot for you and other people and actually
means it then you should at least give this person a chance to prove herself. On the other hand. I myself am really picky.
I hate it that I am but I would NEVER reject a girl because her looks. But in the end I find it hard to get intimate with a girl that I dont
find physically attractive in any way. There just has to be some physicall attraction to make certain things work. I myself met my
girlfriend through the internet like I mentioned before. I didnt know what she looked like at all until 4-5 months later. But way before that
I already liked her so much that I honestly didnt care at all anymore what she looked like... When I saw her I was startled by the fact of
how beautiful she actually is. (She is a little overweight but I dont like skinny girls so she is actually literally perfect in every way for me).
I'm 19 years old I have never kissed a girl and I didnt because I chose not to. I just cant kiss or sleep with a girl I dont have any feelings for.
And to be honest most girls didnt really want me as a boyfriend because I most of the times talk about their feelings so I was always put in the
friend-zone. Feels sucky but whatever I could wait for the right person.
tldr version:
There has to be some physicall attraction to make things work but you cant just put a girl off just because you think she's ugly. Maybe you will
change your mind about how she looks after you found out she is actually an amazing person. You honestly wont care so much anymore about
how she looks. I hope this made any sense.. probably not but meh whatever I told my story.
Too shallow to get a girlfriend? - Atuan - 2011-11-30
Satellite Wrote:I'm so depressed that I quit my job, escape reality with drugs and kill myself. Future seems so good for me.
See a doctor.
Too shallow to get a girlfriend? - KhainiWest - 2011-11-30
Well guy's in all fairness at his age he's not looking for marriage so I think you guys are being a little harsh, at his age it should be just like 3 month long flings lol
Too shallow to get a girlfriend? - Rob - 2011-11-30
KhainiWest Wrote:Well guy's in all fairness at his age he's not looking for marriage so I think you guys are being a little harsh, at his age it should be just like 3 month long flings lol
true, but being so shallow doesn't help his case
Too shallow to get a girlfriend? - Ryukiroku - 2011-11-30
KhainiWest Wrote:Well guy's in all fairness at his age he's not looking for marriage so I think you guys are being a little harsh, at his age it should be just like 3 month long flings lol
Jelly beans man... jelly beans...
Also:
KhainiWest Wrote:Not to be rude but unless you're making over 180k a year you won't get the girl of your dreams. You wouldn't be able to afford the plastic surgery to sustain her youth. You'll grow out of your attitude, fortunatelyYou're guilty too...
Too shallow to get a girlfriend? - KhainiWest - 2011-11-30
Guilty of what?
Too shallow to get a girlfriend? - SaptaZapta - 2011-11-30
Well, if all you want is sex with a dark skinny girl, I'm sure that can be purchased in Finland. (And for longer term, look up Russian mail-order brides).
If you want an actual girlfriend that you can enjoy spending time with, it better be someone you can talk to and share activities with. Even if she's (horrors!) blonde. Try getting friendly with girls without looking at them as possible sex partners.
Too shallow to get a girlfriend? - Ryukiroku - 2011-11-30
KhainiWest Wrote:Guilty of what?
I'm jez sayin' that ur previous comment in the thread isn't dedicated to "3 month flings."
Or maybe I'm just over analyzing...
Too shallow to get a girlfriend? - Foxino - 2011-11-30
ZeroGravity Wrote:I actually found the girl of my dreams. Sadly she lives far away but I dont give a flying crap that she does because we're going to
make it work. (Meeting her in 22 days) Anyway, I know that everyone says that only looks is really shallow but somewhere its not.
It is but also its not. Its pretty hard to explain. Like, its wrong to judge a person just by because of how she looks thats what I find
really shallow. if she actually seems to like everything you do and is really sweet cares a lot for you and other people and actually
means it then you should at least give this person a chance to prove herself. On the other hand. I myself am really picky.
I hate it that I am but I would NEVER reject a girl because her looks. But in the end I find it hard to get intimate with a girl that I dont
find physically attractive in any way. There just has to be some physicall attraction to make certain things work. I myself met my
girlfriend through the internet like I mentioned before. I didnt know what she looked like at all until 4-5 months later. But way before that
I already liked her so much that I honestly didnt care at all anymore what she looked like... When I saw her I was startled by the fact of
how beautiful she actually is. (She is a little overweight but I dont like skinny girls so she is actually literally perfect in every way for me).
I'm 19 years old I have never kissed a girl and I didnt because I chose not to. I just cant kiss or sleep with a girl I dont have any feelings for.
And to be honest most girls didnt really want me as a boyfriend because I most of the times talk about their feelings so I was always put in the
friend-zone. Feels sucky but whatever I could wait for the right person.
tldr version:
There has to be some physicall attraction to make things work but you cant just put a girl off just because you think she's ugly. Maybe you will
change your mind about how she looks after you found out she is actually an amazing person. You honestly wont care so much anymore about
how she looks. I hope this made any sense.. probably not but meh whatever I told my story.
I was actually in the almost same situation til about 4-5months ago. I would never recommend to meet someone over the net but it does work sometimes.GOOD LUCK though
!
Too shallow to get a girlfriend? - KhainiWest - 2011-11-30
Yeah you're right I did contradict myself. I hate to say it but I didn't do a lot of dating at all, like maybe 3 girls max because I was obsessed with all that true love cliche. But now that I've aged, I realized love isn't something worth chasing unless you genuinely know yourself.
I don't like to say it but 90% of high school relationships will end up just that, high school only relationships, so people shouldn't be dating for commitment, just to have fun and branch out their relationship to something more personal/intimidate.
blahblahblah Date for experience not for love
@zerogravity
Preaching to the wrong person man. I met my current fiance online, were still workin on getting her a job, but hey it's been two years and we're still going strong. Scotland vs USA(MD), doesn't get more extreme than that, but I took the risk, was no harm in it haha.
Just to clarify by dream girl I was specifically talking about Satt's