ITT: Illogical things your parents said to you when you were a kid

Nothing much really, apart from the fact that my parents think I'm addicted to the computer just because I'm on it pretty much all day during the holidays. Hell, I don't even break 3 hours during the school term and they still INSIST I'm addicted. I go "Okay fine, I won't touch it for one whole day. You can't say I'm addicted then." The day after that one-day break, I get back on the computer...and they say I'm addicted again. Within one bloody hour.

I remembered when I was 9.

"Masturbating will make your d`ick fall off."

OHTHELOL.

I remembered when I was 9.

"Masturbating will make your d`ick fall off."

OHTHELOL.

9?

9?

5 for me.

9?

Well herpa-derp, I started earlier than that, but they caught me at 9. Feels bad, man.

Well herpa-derp, I started earlier than that, but they caught me at 9. Feels bad, man.

Don't tell anyone, but they haven't caught me yet.

Oops.

To be honest, my parents are pretty logical.

My parents are pretty logical.

Okay, Spidey.

Don't tell anyone, but they haven't caught me yet.

Masturbating is for losers anyway, all the cool kids get off with the power of their mind alone.

Okay, Spidey.

While his joke was obviously meant as a jest is having somewhat logical parents really all that shocking? On the subject of sex and parents when I was growing up schools didn't really have sex ed like they do now, but when my parents sat me down to have the talk with me they did it perfectly fine telling me the whole nine yards from sex to masturbation and even to STD's.

And to those talking about their parents telling them Santa was real, well, he is real, but the execution he preformed was not, but that is splitting hairs to say that is one of the illogical things your parents told to you.

"The Government is good."

Well herpa-derp, I started earlier than that, but they caught me at 9. Feels bad, man.

Pfft. Newbie, pros don't get caught.

Pfft. Newbie, pros don't get caught.

Pfft. Newbie, horny parents let you finish.

Masturbating is for losers anyway, all the cool kids get off with the power of their mind alone.

Reminds me of

Computers aren't meant for game playing, they were meant for checking stocks...

Computers aren't meant for game playing, they were meant for checking stocks...

What

Mom: *Something that makes no sense*
Me or my Brother: Uh, no, you see, *logical explanation with facts to back it up*
Mom: Well I'm the parent and you're the child, so I'm right. You're just not old enough to know yet.
Me or my Brother: But...
Mom: Why are you getting so aggravated!? Why can't you have a normal conversation ever.
Me or my brother: -_-

Dad: Hey Ross, give your stepmom a ride.
Me: Okay, where to?
Dad: What does it fucking matter?
Me: Uh, it doesn't really, I just--
Dad: *Rages hardcore*

Dad: Bush caused 9/11
Me: Well, I don't really know abo--
Dad: *Rages hardcore*

Still not as bad as the time my mom thought I didn't know what being in the closet meant (c'mon) or how I'm apparently I'm a whiny little immature peach if I disagree with or am not perfectly happy with whatever my dad says.

And they wonder why I don't talk to anyone when I come home from school...

Mom: *Something that makes no sense*
Me or my Brother: Uh, no, you see, *logical explanation with facts to back it up*
Mom: Well I'm the parent and you're the child, so I'm right. You're just not old enough to know yet.
Me or my Brother: But...
Mom: Why are you getting so aggravated!? Why can't you have a normal conversation ever.
Me or my brother: -_-

All day every day.

Masturbating is for losers anyway, all the cool kids get off with the power of their mind alone.



While his joke was obviously meant as a jest is having somewhat logical parents really all that shocking? On the subject of sex and parents when I was growing up schools didn't really have sex ed like they do now, but when my parents sat me down to have the talk with me they did it perfectly fine telling me the whole nine yards from sex to masturbation and even to STD's.

And to those talking about their parents telling them Santa was real, well, he is real, but the execution he preformed was not, but that is splitting hairs to say that is one of the illogical things your parents told to you.

My parents talked to me about sex when I was about 5, and made sure to tell me I should aim for the balls if someone tries anything fishy, if there's nobody around to hear a high pitched scream. They also kinda wanted me to understand any lewd jokes they make during movies and such, because they remembered how much it annoyed them when they were younger and nobody explained to them why something like that made the whole room chuckle.

Mom: *Something that makes no sense*
Me or my Brother: Uh, no, you see, *logical explanation with facts to back it up*
Mom: Well I'm the parent and you're the child, so I'm right. You're just not old enough to know yet.
Me or my Brother: But...
Mom: Why are you getting so aggravated!? Why can't you have a normal conversation ever.
Me or my brother: -_-

I was always too smart for my dad to pull that pomegranate. I always win those arguments.

As some insight to their unique parenting approach, I'd like to point out that both of them are very chilled out people, and they had me in their early teens. We're practically from the same generation, so they understand me easier than most parents. They felt that strict rules would just encourage me to break them, but also felt they should teach me guidelines. They wouldn't go to extreme measures unless I seemed like I wasn't getting the picture, but since that never happened, they never had to resort to it.

Overall, my parents never really tried to trick me much or anything, and always seemed to have a relationship with me that's very close to what I could call friendship. Real friendship, that is. The kind of friends that actually do look out for you and guide you, but they're not controlling of you. The ones that genuinely care for you. That's the kind of friendship I'm talking about. I was never a problem child, even though I was given way more freedom than any other kid in my age group.

I realize this kind of parenting has many ways in which it can go wrong, and I'm sure someone like Sarah will pop in and talk about how my parents are horrible for treating me like a friend before treating me like a prize they should shelter and protect from the harsh reality of the world until my time comes to naturally learn it, but honestly I don't think their parenting was bad at all.

So I'll say that my parents are my best friends. That doesn't seem to say much coming from someone that has no friends and doesn't like the idea of making many personal ties to people in real life, but I truly believe I wouldn't find anyone no matter how hard I searched that I can give the title of "real friend" to other than my parents.