ITT: Illogical things your parents said to you when you were a kid

"If you're too sick for school, you're too sick for video games."

Every goddamn time. They'd even go as low as taking away and hiding my controllers if they had to leave the house. But sitting in the same spot while watching TV was perfectly fine.

"If you're too sick for school, you're too sick for video games."

Every goddamn time. They'd even go as low as taking away and hiding my controllers if they had to leave the house. But sitting in the same spot while watching TV was perfectly fine.

Mine says the same pomegranate; its so weird.

Yeah, same pomegranate here. I can't think of anything else unreasonable they came up with, haha.

I think most parents did that. Luckily my dad was a sap and only prevented me from playing during school hours. Once the school day officially ended I was off probation.

My parents said such things as well. It's as if they feel we MUST be playing hooky or something and want to punish us for something that isn't our fault at all. Wonder if we'll do the same thing when we're parents.

The Easter Bunny, Santa, and God are real

If you work hard, you can achieve anything.

Coffee stunts your growth.

"When you get a chill down your spine, it means a ghost raped you"

Thanks for the insight, mom.

"When you get a chill down your spine, it means a ghost raped you"

Thanks for the insight, mom.

Your mom is crazy awesome, Spidey.

My parents didn't really mind me playing games when I was sick. In fact, they didn't mind me skipping school either, as long as I didn't go overboard and skip once every other week or something. Of course, I never tried skipping that much, even if they let me. They were fairly laid back, gave me a lot of freedom. I can't think of many times I actually got in trouble as a kid, I was pretty well mannered. I never went through a "rebellious teen" stage either, because there was nothing to really rebel.

My father still plays video games with me online. In fact, we played Black Ops earlier this week together.

My mother, the queen of all creation.
she still uses this to this day on my sister:

"your handwriting is sloppy, write neatly or i swear to god i'll knock you upside the head." *proceeds to crumple up paper and throw it away* "now this time, do it right!" Now, imagine that, in a violent and antagonistic tone, to a nine year old. with me she'd actually slap me upside the head, though.

"Your room is a fu'cking mess, clean this rat hole up now!" says the woman with a dusty, cluttered living room, dirty clothes on the kitchen and bathroom floor (old house had the washer and dryer in a closet in the bathroom), beer cans and bottles piled up to kingdom come, letters, coupon magazines and other trash mail just piled up on a kitchen counter, etc etc etc.

"ill tell you about your father when youre older."
>ask again at 18
"i'll tell you when you're more responsible."
>get a new social security card to replace my lost one
>discover name
>wait 2 weeks and mention that she never told me anything about the man
>she invites company over
>i make an ass of her
>she barges into my room and yells at me embarrassed as all hell
>proceeds to yell at me things that i had already learned from my grandmother, uncle, one of my mothers friends, and the effing government.
>coolface.jpg

*insert other countless examples of instances of her superiority complex, anger issues, poor taste in men (if your son, family, and friends all agree that your then-bf-now-husband is a bad man, you'd think a sane woman would listen to her family/friends and do whats best for her son after your son makes repeated death threats directed towards him and is put into special education over his anger over the situation, and stop associating with the man altogether), pathological procrastination and shifting the blame for her faults/wrong doings towards others and not accepting the responsibility of those consequences, etc etc etc*

Saying that, because my grandmother hadn't gotten a wish list from my sister for xmas yet and she wasn't going to get her anything, that if I help her out at all in the near future I'd be thrown out.

God, the laundry list of things would make a psychologist able to retire just from hearing the sh'it my family has going on in it within a month.

*Raging at some NES game.*

"Stop yelling at your goddamn video games!"

"Okay, Dad..."

*He proceeds to walk back into the living room to rage at his losing football team.*

I guess hypocrisy fits too.

"What game is that?!"

"It's called Maple Story, Dad."

"Who's winning?"

>Go to gamestop
>Pick up a case of Marvel vs Capcom 3
>"Sir, that's just a promo case, the game isn't out yet"
>Proceed to put the game back
>Trip of my own dick
>Splash into a group of kids playing Touhou on the display PS3
>Cute girl walks past
>"You dropped your dick"
>She hands me my dick
>I embarrassingly stuff it into the Marvel vs Capcom 3 case
>Walk outside and it's pouring rain
>Guy tries to suicide off gamestop and falls on top of me
>Get in a coma
>Wake up in a hospital
>Turn on news
>"Marvel vs Capcom canceled due to a penis found in a display case, more news at 11"
>Nurse comes in
>She wants to fuck
>"Your peach rings are here, that'll be $50"

FUCKING GAMESTOP

"What game is that?!"

"It's called Maple Story, Dad."

"Who's winning?"

LOL my mom was kinda like that, except her response was "What's with the obscenely large heads?"

"Are you playing video games again?"

"No, dad. I'm going on a message board, while also being on an Instant Messenger."

"Same thing."

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Similar to butterfli's:


"If you work hard, you can do anything. I used to get near-perfect scores when I was your age."

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"Nice guys finish last."

Yeah, last. That's why I was a plantain in Middle School and it got me a lot farther. :/

Confucius Say, he who cannot describe the problem will never find the solution to that problem.

>Wake up and play some vidya for a couple hours.
>Mom leaves for errands.
>Decided to do some chores. Takes me 3 hours to finish everything.
>Go back to playing vidya.
>Mom comes back.

"You've been playing those games all day! Shut it off and do something productive!"

I seem to have a lot of vidyagame related woes.

>Wake up and play some vidya for a couple hours.
>Mom leaves for errands.
>Decided to do some chores. Takes me 3 hours to finish everything.
>Go back to playing vidya.
>Mom comes back.

"You've been playing those games all day! Shut it off and do something productive!"

I seem to have a lot of vidyagame related woes.

Is why you finish up your chores when mom comes home.