ITT: Illogical things your parents said to you when you were a kid

>Wake up and play some vidya for a couple hours.
>Mom leaves for errands.
>Decided to do some chores. Takes me 3 hours to finish everything.
>Go back to playing vidya.
>Mom comes back.

"You've been playing those games all day! Shut it off and do something productive!"

I seem to have a lot of vidyagame related woes.

Oh man, my parents always do this. It's like this happens every damn time my parents go out.

"You may eat the fruit from any tree in this garden but you aren't allowed to eat from the tree in the center."


That f'ucking apple, I swear to God you guys, that apple.

Dad: Rule #1, I'm always right, if I'm ever wrong, refer to rule number 1

When I was in elementary school:

Dad: you have to get very good grades, I allways got the best grades ever.

Then about a month ago, I was checking my grandma's house, to find some old papers, when I stumbled on my dad's gradest.

He failed quite a lot. When I asked him about it, he jsut reamined silent and went to his room.

My parents didnt really ever tell me... Illogical things.

They used to tell me if i closed my eyes on road trips, then they would take a shortcut.

Thats about it.

The Easter Bunny, Santa, and God are real

This.

>Wake up and play some vidya for a couple hours.
>Mom leaves for errands.
>Decided to do some chores. Takes me 3 hours to finish everything.
>Go back to playing vidya.
>Mom comes back.

"You've been playing those games all day! Shut it off and do something productive!"

I seem to have a lot of vidyagame related woes.

This happens pretty much everyday, I hate it x(

My mother, the queen of all creation.
she still uses this to this day on my sister:

"your handwriting is sloppy, write neatly or i swear to god i'll knock you upside the head." *proceeds to crumple up paper and throw it away* "now this time, do it right!" Now, imagine that, in a violent and antagonistic tone, to a nine year old. with me she'd actually slap me upside the head, though.

"Your room is a fu'cking mess, clean this rat hole up now!" says the woman with a dusty, cluttered living room, dirty clothes on the kitchen and bathroom floor (old house had the washer and dryer in a closet in the bathroom), beer cans and bottles piled up to kingdom come, letters, coupon magazines and other trash mail just piled up on a kitchen counter, etc etc etc.

My parents did the exact same thing....almost. I got hit with a back scratcher or a finger jab if I didn't go my homework right.

With the room, my dad would maker it dirtier by taking toys out my closet and sweeping trash in the hallway to my room and expect me to have it done right or i'd get the "board of education" on my ass...cool racist joke dad.

''Your eyes are gonna go squared if you stay in front of that monitor for too much time.''

Yeah, my problems always involved computers. I didn't have too much consoles as a kid.

"Stop staring at that computer screen and take a break. You are going to get seizures and epilepsy because you look at that stupid screen forever!"

This is usually after like 30minutes on a computer.

My parents also did a lot of this to me and my 14 year old sister, but my 7 year old sister doesn't get all this nonsense. I wasn't allowed to play on the computer for over half an hour when I was 7, she was allowed to play for over 2 hours straight when she was 5/6. She also gets to watch TV all day, but I had to go and something else because of the whole "square eyes" thing.

My parents also kept telling me they always got good grades (they did most of the time), but even though they failed too they act like it's a crime when I had a low grade. And some more nonsense.

Dad: Rule #1, I'm always right, if I'm ever wrong, refer to rule number 1

This too, but in a joking way.

If you keep making that face, itll get stuck like that.

"Remember, dating before at 16 is too young. Wait until you are older"

After hearing this from 8-15, I have lost all hope of dating in High School. ._.

"If you eat too much Peanut Butter, you will turn into a peanut"

Did not touch the stuff for a f'ucking year. ;-;

"Stop touching it or it'll fall off."

This one worked so well.

"Stop touching it or it'll fall off."

This one worked so well.

Never made you stop from fapping. Clever parents with reverse psychology.

"Stop touching it or it'll fall off."

This one worked so well.

Oh, another one! My parents always told me that a tree will grow out of me if I ate the seeds in the core of an apple. Didn't eat an apple for years. ;_;

Oh, another one! My parents always told me that a tree will grow out of me if I ate the seeds in the core of an apple. Didn't eat an apple for years. ;_;

They told me this with watermelons....and I even saw it on Rugrats. Dam them

Oh, and apparently swallowing small metal balls (from like those 25 cent plastic games) was very dangerous. Swallowed one, thought I would die, told my dad to get me surgery to do it, he said no, cried all night thinking my parents hated me for not wanting to save me.

"I know every single person in the world"

"Don't waste your food"
Meanwhile my mom buys out the 99 cent store with food we never eat. I can easily go into my pantry and find food from like 2000 because we'll never eat it.

"Because I said so"