Vampires can't have sex

In Twilight, vampires' hearts don't beat.
So vampires' blood doesn't flow.
Therefore, vampires can't get an erection.
And so they can't have sex.
Now you tell me: How did Edward impregnate Bella? Hmm?

Fail.

Well, you see that's because Twilight Vampires are just characters in Stephen Myers fucked up Mary Sue romance novel staring herself; They are hollowed shells of what they should be.

How do I get a cool name like Eosian?

Well, you must first become an astronaut named Locke Parasotto and embark on a dangerous mission to Jupiter in 2144 CE. But upon arriving you realize that the mission had no plans for bringing you back, and you were just a lab rat. So you formulate a plan to exact revenge on those tea sipping yuppies at central command: You will alter your body using the broken robots scattered throughout the planet to become part machine. The EOSIAN SLAVEDRIVER series seemed like the best choice. But soon you will realize that this is a slippery slope, and you end up more machine than man. Forever stranded upon a planet with no life whatsoever! It's drives you insane! You lose your grip on reality, your humanity, your very way of LIFE. Until one day a solar wind creates a rift in time and space and you're sent back to 2004 where the salt mines are operational. There, the evil wizard Yogmowth gives you an ultimatum: Work for him and get recruits or you will be destroyed in every possible way there is to be destroyed, and even some that are essentially impossible. There you launch your campaign of manipulation, bloodshed, and passive aggressive sticky note tactics.