please rate these first drafts

The sun, dipping low in the sky, now shines a beautiful vermilion hue onto the clouds and the trees, the light reflecting off of the surface of the lake. Crickets chirp and birds sing, dragonflies skirt about the surface of the tepid water. The color of the leaves are fantastic hues of yellow and red, orange and brown. No more beautiful a sight could be beheld, and I was sharing it with the one I loved.

The tense is inconsistent throughout the story.

Further up now, near an old wooden bench, I could see the lampposts flickering into life, casting out a pale amber glow.
...
...sending an amber light shining through the beautiful statue.

Dunno if this is intentional, but amber is used twice to describe forms of light.

On the other hand...

...there stood an angel made of crystal. Its hands gently folded together in front of its chest, clutching a book tightly in its grasp. Its wings were folded down, and a light robe adorning the figure.

I appreciate the fact that the angel is left genderless. It's a good story, besides. The description definitely makes the story.