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The Little Black Box

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The Little Black Box
Turtally
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Posts: 1,421
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Joined: 2008-10
#2
2009-09-10, 11:38 PM
First sentence is awkward, maybe you shouldn't say "the air" twice.

The rest was pretty good. I wanna read that rest. Tongue1
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The Little Black Box - by Doxinator - 2009-09-10, 11:32 PM
The Little Black Box - by Turtally - 2009-09-10, 11:38 PM
The Little Black Box - by Doxinator - 2009-09-10, 11:40 PM
The Little Black Box - by KajitiSouls - 2009-09-11, 12:24 AM

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