please rate these first drafts

these are poems, or short story-type writings.

~Dance Juliet:

 Spoiler

Dance, Juliet, dance upon the floor in magnificent grace.
Drive the music louder and push the rhythm higher.
Twirl around and strut about, as beads of sweat streak down your smiling face.
In awe and wonder your guests are, entranced and made jealous by you,
Beautiful you are in your untamed hair and silken dress, the scent of lilies wafting in your wake.
Sing for us, Juliet, let us hear your elegantly divine tune.
Perform for us, entertain us, drive the crowds wild and uproar.
Makes the very earth cry out in bliss simply to bear you upon its back,
with you in turn bearing a world upon your own.
Smile for us, laugh with us, dine amongst us, and never show a frown.
Exist for us, and only us, we are the ones that pull your strings.
Breath, eat, and live, suffer in your somber melancholy bliss.
Remember though, fair Juliet, your fate is not your own to mold.

~Whistling Death

 Spoiler

Slowly the winds beat the earth, and break the silence of the night;
Leaves thrust upwards in response to the abysmal blow from the dark,
Nary but alone the poor girl walks, lost in a distant escape.
The trees around her bend and shake, recoiling from the cold wind that bashes at them,
Branches reaching down from the tops, clawing their way towards her, like the menacing hands of a Madman,
Frantic and flux, and nervous they make her, a girl with a scarlet scarf, alone in this park at the hour of mourn.
Slowly she draws her breath, focusing her eyes and ears on the world around her, hoping, waiting, for a sign,
A sign of life to help guide her home.
Quiet the night, all but for the howling wind, which shrieks in comparison to the stark emptiness of the world around.
Shifting are the trees, frantic the limbs, and brittle the twigs that fall before her, crushed under a misplaced step,
The moon in a cascading crescent shape high in the starless and blackest night she has ever seen.
A fog around her ankles has formed, all but to laugh at her plight, a lost woman in these woods,
Walking around in the bitter cold, wind gnarling the air around her and piercing her like the jagged,
Serrated, rusted over and blood stained edge of a lunatics knife, and holding her possessions like they,
Simple things, were to her as jewels and wealth are to the high and mighty.
Bated is her breath, as deeper and deeper her focus goes, in and out,
Shakingly trying to tune into the darkness, hoping for a savior, a knight from the brink,
Wishing to be found and swifted away from this barren avenue.
In the near distance, with naught but a single post beside it, a lone bench lays, casting an ominous aura about it.
Weary, the woman hurries to it, unaware, and ignorant, to the darkness that has near but consumed her.
Lowering herself into it, a wave of relief, a moments reprieve, a second to gather her thoughts;
Unfortunately, these things will never come to her.
Waiting, she continues her peaceful rest, adapted now to the dim light cast overhead by an old lamp,
Covered in filth and worn with age.
The wind continues to blow, its vicious breath lashing at her face, her scarlet red scarf offering no assistance;
Masked in the darkness, the dagger lies, and the invisible man that holds in in dirty and vile hands.
Alone, lost, cold, and relaxed, tis not the best shape for this woman, she is fully aware, but
She is ignorant to the man behind her, lurking behind that bench, waiting like a flytrap, mouth watering for her,
His next prey.
Out of the darkness, the woman comes face to face with everything she has wanted that night, to get away from herself.
She found a quiet bench in an abandoned park, she found the the moments of peace her city life denies her,
Found when she needed it, the help to return from whence she came, and, ultimately;
She found the end of her life met by the cold edge of a knife, the murderers shout of anger,
His battle cry and her saviors calls of warning, all masked that night
By the whistling winds, carrying on them only death, darkness, and moonlight.

~Put on a Mask, v.1

 Spoiler

Put on a mask, tie it around your head, let it cover your face,
Let the ceramic decorated face become your own.
Put on a mask, prepare the script, and set out upon the stage,
Steady yourself to perform for those that come to see your play.
Put on a mask, and hide away, fade away into the shadows,
Let them see only the mask you hide yourself with.
Put on a mask, paint your face, color it with reds and blacks,
Blues, greens, browns, and greys, hide away the scars upon your soul.
Put on a mask, and act out its role;
Act out the roles of the false selves you put on each and every day.
Put on a mask, tie it on good and tight, let it suffocate and choke you,
Allow the mask to cover and hide your true self, become who you wish to be.
Put on a mask, put on a disguise, cover yourself with with lies,
Parade around, dance about, and strut your useless stuff.
Put on a mask, go to sleep, and fade away to dusk,
Retreat to the shadows of hell to cower in your self disgust.
Put on a mask, and play your violin, play your clarinet, and piano.
Perform a costumed opera in spectacle to yourself.
Put on a mask, and embrace the lies, embrace the madness within,
Put on a mask, and hide yourself, become dead under a ceramic lie.
Lies, deceit, and bitter cold loneliness, all shall follow in your shadows.
Beneath the empty fragile lies, inside the hollow darkness,
Let yourself become the lies you hide behind.
Put on a mask, and the world shall dissipate away.
Fade away into nothing, and vanish into the void, behind your soulless eyes.
Put on a mask, and dance the night away.
Tempt fate, and flirt with desire, all while under a lie, a useless folly based tale.
Put on a mask, cover it with luster, and polish it to a bright sheen.
Wear it, and become it, all the way to the grave.

all i kinda want to post now.

EDIT::
wrote this last night on lolbasil:

~Standing Against the Wing

 Spoiler

Tall, away from the world
Staring down, from frowned expressions
The frozen peak, a bitter chill.

Arm in hand, will wrapped in desire
Trapped in rapture, alone in solace
Unshakable, from the clouds you rise.

Heart locked away, its purpose gone
Cannot defend that who has all
Needless and desiring no praise for his sacrifice.

Guardian to those without, and voice of the ill
Steady the iron, cold and bathed in icy night rains
Rugged in appearance, and chipped in demeanor.

Crying out for his salvation, hurting
Taken away from the life of comfort and safety, bleeding
Shackled and chained to a stake, mourning.

The ramparts are burning, and the maids are dying
Foreign disease and foreign steeds trample the common, falling on the street
Execution, assassination of the king in the courtyard.

He has escaped this madness, forlorn remembrance streaks his hollows
Given up wife and child, given up fame and glory
Now forever watching his home burn to the ground.

He alone survived, forsaken knight
At night he weeps, his judgment due
Standing against the wind, embers and tears in his eyes.

EDIT2::
eventually, eventually meaning whenever i feel like getting around to trying to think about maybe doing it, ill finish the 3rd remake to something i wrote entitled Glass Angel... so far, as it stands, theres version A, which exists in my notebook, version B, which is drifting in the digital void, and version C, which i am working on.