2009-02-22, 02:51 PM
♥Ji Wrote:animal teaching of humanity: nice way to put it. -mental image of a badger on a tree stump with badgers listening all around-
Made me think of Redwall.
Anyway, I loved the tone of the story. It felt kind of.. unambitious and passionless, a simple description. I thought that was really done well.
About the last part, I think it would be good to put it in a new paragraph. "And disaster upon disaster fell upon the people" had a different rhythm, so when I was reading the last part, I was trying to stay in that rhythm and it didn't work. The new paragraph allowed me read it without influence from the previous sentence, so it sounded a lot better to me.