The Bathroom Reader Institute

[SIZE="6"]MORE LEGENDARY BETS[/SIZE]

Some bets achieve the status of legends because of the unexpected
results they produce. Here are two classic examples of
bets that got out of hand... and became folklore.

THE BOTTLE HOAX OF 1749
The Wager: In the first week of 1749, the Duke of Port-
land bet the Earl of Chesterfield that if he were to adver-
tise the public performance of something obviously impossible,
"there'd be enough fools in London to fill the theater and pay
handsomely for it." Chesterfield took him up on it.

The Duke then placed this ad in the London papers:
[INDENT][SIZE="2"]At the New Theater in the Haymarket, on Monday next, is to
be seen a Person who performs most surprising things....He
presents you with a common Wine Bottle, which any of the
spectators may first examine; this Bottle is placed on a Table in
the midst of the Stage, and he (without any equivocation) goes
into it, in the sight of all the Spectators, and sings in it. During
his stay in the bottle, any person may handle it, and see plainly
that it does not exceed a common Tavern Bottle.[/SIZE][/INDENT]

The Result: The Duke won. Soon all London was talking about
the upcoming event. The theater was sold out well in advance of
the day--with people paying as much as 7 shillings, 6 pence a seat
to see it. BUt, obviously, there wasn't anything to see and things
got ugly quickly. After about 20 minutes, when it became appar-
ent that they'd been had, the audience rioted...they destroyed the
theater, stealing everything in it...and then they burned the build-
ing down. The Duke had covered his tracks, and the true story of
the bet didn't leak out until several years later.

THE BERNERS STREET HOAX OF 1809
The Wager: A well-known practical joker of his day, THomas
Hook, was walking in a quiet residential neighborhood near
London with a friend. He pointed to a particularly quiet-looking
house on Berners Street, No. 54, and bet that "within a month,
that house will be the talk of London." His friend took him up on it.

According to one account: "Hook went into action. No. 54,

[SIZE="1"]Nickname for Leisure World, a city for seniors in Orange County California: "Heaven on hold."[/SIZE]

Post a page number between 1 - 768 if you want to see more.

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Don really cares about these kids." But after reading the Life art-
cle, Horn quickly changed his tune. He ordered Texas pageant
officials to investigate Magness, then threatened to keep the next
Miss Texas out of the Miss America pageant unless Magness
resigned.

YOLANDE BETBEZE, Miss America 1951
Scandal: The day after her coronation, Betbeze announced at a
breakfast meeting that she would not pose in swimsuits during her
reign. An earlier Miss America had taken the same stand and
gotten away with it, but this time the Catalina Swimsuit
Company was sponsoring the pageant, and had already booked
Betbeze on a nationwide swimsuit tour.

What Happened: "The coffee cups rattled, let me tell you,"
Betbeze recalled years later. "The man from Catalina bathing suits
stood up and fumed. He was furious. He looked at me and said,
'I'll run you off the news pages. I'll start my own contest. You'll
see.'"

"I said, 'That's splendid. Good luck to you.' Anyway, he did,
indeed, start the Miss USA and Miss Universe Pageants. So
people can thank me--or blame me--for that."

BESS MYERSON, Miss America 1945
Scandal: [B][/B]In 1987, Myerson, then New York City's Commissioner
of Cultural Affairs, was indicted for conspiracy, bribery, and fraud
after she allegedly helped her boyfriend, a millionaire sewer
contractor with reputed mob ties, lower his alimony payments by
giving a judge's daughter a $19,000-a-year job in city government.

That was only the beginning of Myerson's legal troubles: In
May 1988, she was arrested for shoplifting after she walked out of
a New York department store without paying for the six bottles of
nail polish, five pairs of earrings, one pair of shoes, and the flash-
light batteries she'd stuffed into her purse and shopping bag. "I was
leaving the store to lock my care and come back and pay for the
merchandise," she explained to reporters after her arrest. Total
value of the merchandise: $44.07. (Myerson was carrying $160 in
cash.)

What Happened: Myerson was eventually acquitted on the
alimony fixing charges, but she pled guilty to shoplifting and paid a
$100 fine, plus court costs.

[SIZE="1"]There are more people of Irish descent in Boston and surrounding New England than in Ireland.[/SIZE]

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City. They agreed to play along. The decision was a good one:
Gorman won the amateur division and went on to beat Virginia
Lee, winner of the professional division, for the bathing-beaty
crown. She became the very first Miss America.

A GOLDMINE
With its eight contestants and $27,000 budget, the 1921 pageant
was extremely modest by today's standards. Even so, an estimated
90,000 to 100,000 people turned out to see it, making it a huge
sucess. It was just a swimsuit contest, not a polished TV cere-
mony draped in patriotism like today's pageants, but that didn't
matter. What counted most was that it made money for Atlantic
City merchants. As A. R. Riverol writes in Live from Atlantic City:
The History of the Miss America Pageant Before, After and in Spite of
Television,

[INDENT]The pageant's original aim was not to promote pageantry,
beaty, scholarship, or any other such lofty ideal. Its creation
was to make money, a point that many aficionados still feel
uncomfortable admitting. That the pageant provided a variety
of events, diversion, and entertainment was a peripheral
amenity to the organizer's aims--business and self-promotion.[/INDENT]

"We brought people here by the thousands," Mayor Edward Bader
observed dryly, "and if they wished to purchase anything, the
merchants profited."

Not what you expected? That's just the beginning.
For part II of the Miss America story, turn to page 479.


* * *


RANDOM THOUGHT

"When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance.
Sometimes I just go for an estimate."

--Phyllis Diller

[SIZE="1"]

Austrians are the world's #1 cat-lovers; 30% of Austrian households have at least one cat.

[/SIZE]

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Page was in dual column format, so it might be a little stretched height-wise.

[SIZE="6"]

COURT TRANSQUIPS

[/SIZE]

We're back, with one of our regular features. Do court transcripts
make good bathroom reading? Check out these quotes. They're
things people actually said in court, recorded word for word.

Q: "Well, sir, judging from your answer on how you reacted to
the emergency call, it sounds like you are a man of intelli-
gence and good judgement."
A: "Thank you, and if I weren't under oath, I'd return the
compliment."

Q: "And you're saying because she's dead she's no longer alive;
is that what you're saying?"
A: "Is there a dispute there?"

Q: "What did he say?"
A: "About that? All the way back he--I've never been
called so many names."
Q: "You're not married, I take it."

Q: "You say that the stairs went down to the basement?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"

Q: "What is the meaning of sperm being present?"
A: "It indicates intercourse."
Q: "Male sperm?"
A: "That is the only kind I know."

Q: "You said he threatened to kill you."
A: "Yes. And he threatened to sue me."
Q: "Oh, worse yet."

Q: And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. O.K.?"
A: "Oral."
Q: "How old are you?"
A: "Oral."

Q: "Please state the location of your right foot immediately
prior to impact."
A: "Immediately before the impact, my right foot was
located at the immediate end of my right leg."
Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on
dead people?"
A: "All my autopsies have been on dead people."

Q: "Now, Mrs. Marsh, your complaint alleges that you have
had problems with concentration since the accident. Does
that condition continue today?"
A: "No, not really. I take a stool softener now."

[SIZE="1"]The "Ye" in "Ye Olde Taverne," is pronounced "the," not "yee."[/SIZE]

4

UNCLE JOHN'S BIGGEST EVER BATHROOM READER®
is a compilation of the following two previously published
Bathroom Reader titles:

Uncle John's Great Big Bathroom Reader®
ISBN: 1-879682-65-6
First Printing 1998
and

Uncle John's Ultimate Bathroom Reader®
ISBN: 1-879682-65-6
First Printing 1996

Plus 20 articles from
Uncle John's Giant 10th Anniversary Bathroom Reader®
and 3 articles from
Uncle John's All-Purpose Extra Strength Bathroom Reader®

UNCLE JOHN'S BIGGEST EVER BATHROOM READER®
Copyright © 2002 by The Bathroom Reader' Press (a division of
Portable Press). ALl rights reserved. No part of this book may be
used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written
permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in
critical articles or reviews. "Bathroom Reader" is a federally
registered trademark of Bathroom Readers' Press. "Uncle John" is
a trademark of Bathroom Readers' Press.

For information, write The Bathroom Readers' Hysterical Society,
5880 Oberlin Drive, San Diego, CA 92121
[NOPARSE]www.unclejohn@advmkt.com[/NOPARSE]

Cover design by Michael Brunsfeld
BRI Technician on back cover: Larry Kelp

ISBN 10: 1-57145-814-X ISBN 13: 978-1-57145-814-8
Library of Congress Control Number: 2002106433

Printed and bound in Canada
Ninth Printing September 2006
14 13 12 11 10 9 06 07 08 09 10 11

Yes I did read the fine print before-hand.

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LOL@page 4.