So my fiance is joining the Air Force.

Goddammit.

We've been together six years now (engaged for four years... FOUR YEARS! That's longer than some people stay married...) and currently in a long-distance-ish relationship. He lives two hours away, we both work, I'm doing school, so I only get to see him one or two days a week. It's been this way for about five years.

I don't know. I am trying to be as supportive as I can, but I only know one person who's ever been in the military, and that's my friend who just finished his five years or whatever with the Navy, and he hated it. I don't have any aunts or uncles or cousins who have been in the military, so I don't really know what to expect. I cried when he told me he was going to join. All I could think about is how long I've already been waiting for us to finally be together. To get married. To live together and make babies and have a family. God I just want to have a non-fucked up family.

Even though we both work, he is barely making enough to make ends meet, and at this point in time he can't afford to continue going to school. I even help pay some of his bills, but it still isn't enough. When he told me about all the benefits of being in the Air Force, I couldn't really argue. It is a logical decision. School, money, career training, a reason to get married ASAP... and all it'll cost is for him to sign his life away for a few years. Oh right, and the possibility of him getting seriously injured/dying. His entire family is happy and proud of him. He's got a lot of family who served in the military, so they obviously have a different perspective than I do.

I can't help feeling selfish and wanting him to stay. My entire week is spent looking forward to seeing him again. When I clock out on Saturday afternoon, all the shit I had to put up with that day, that week... it doesn't matter because I will see him soon and everything will be gravy. God, just thinking about not being able to see him for months at a time is making my hands tremble and my eyes tear up. And not to mention I am the sort of person who gets overly worried. I know that statistically, there's a low chance of him getting seriously injured or dying (especially in the Air Force) but ugh... the possibility is still there. And what if something horrible happens in the next four years?

Not posted in the Angry Dome because I'm not really... angry. I'm more sad and worried than anything. I've been trying not to think about it and shutting it into a small, dark corner in the back of my mind.

Tell me everything will be okay.

Just marry Isaac

This is not the Failhouse.

In the law office I interned at the top litigator was making $150,000 at year at least and had a very consistent flow of business. When he had time to talk to me, the lowly intern who was sorting papers and acting as fill-in secretary he told me a very interesting story about how he got an Air Force paid education and was able to get through College and Law-School debt free. The only problem is that he had to attend training once every two weeks or so and was still eligible to be drafted if he was necessary to fight in a war. He is around 35 years old and hasn't been called once since the Iraq War started. He is very happy with his decision, or as he jokingly put it, "That is until I get drafted." And often handles a lot of cases with my father. He lives in a nice home in Princeton New Jersey and commutes to New York in a trendy Porsche Boxter. He has a girlfriend, but not a wife because he wants to really know if she's his special person. There's a lot of pointlessly materialistic and romantic crap stuck in there because I figured it would make you feel relieved to some extent.

Whether I'm being objective or not, or honest with what I really think is a different opinion all together. But that doesn't really matter because I'm not allowed to go there anyway unless I want to receive terrible infractions which are very intimidating and hurt my sense of human existence.

The military provides for a better future, so look forward to that. Time, just give it time. He can get a secure job, benefits, and more schooling. If you marry him then you can get a house, and live on a military base and get all those benefits. So just realize that this is all a sacrifice for a better future. If you've been engaged for so long, and can keep up a relationship over the distance as you have, then I believe you can stick it out through this and you will have a happy, healthy, strong marriage. And ultimately, provide for your children in any way that they need, because you and your future husband have cemented your futures on a strong foundation.

Also, you can feel pretty secure about his life in the Air Force. They usually aren't the ones doing the fighting.

This is not the Failhouse.

What I meant by that was you need to leave that guy. If you haven't gottem married after that many years, you never will be. You should move on and find another man. Once he goes in the Air Force he will be gone even more than he is now.

What I meant by that was you need to leave that guy. If you haven't gottem married after that many years, you never will be. You should move on and find another man. Once he goes in the Air Force he will be gone even more than he is now.

I think it is a good thing. Marriages just don't last now-a-days, especially at younger ages. If they are right for each other, then they can wait, and they will get married when it is right for both of them.

I think it is a good thing. Marriages just don't last now-a-days, especially at younger ages. If they are right for each other, then they can wait, and they will get married when it is right for both of them.

I hope you are right, but I don't know this guy. I know Throws is in it for the long haul, but is it him not wanting to get married or their situation holding them back?

What exactly is he going to be doing in the Air Force? Because a lot of time, people associate military with soldiers and guns and killing some people in some desert when it's just infantry that does that. There are other services to do when joining the military that doesn't even put you in that position. Similarly, for the Air Force.

What I meant by that was you need to leave that guy. If you haven't gottem married after that many years, you never will be.

We're currently making plans for our wedding. It will be a small affair, since that's all we can afford at the moment, and his auntie offered to let us have the ceremony in her backyard. His dad is offering to cater (hooray Hawaiian food!) I actually love the idea of a small backyard wedding. We can have a huge celebration for the extended family, friends, etc. in a few years and renew our vows or something like that. Planning our wedding is actually one of the few things that I enjoy about him making this decision.

So no, leaving him is not an option.

We're currently making plans for our wedding. It will be a small affair, since that's all we can afford at the moment, and his auntie offered to let us have the ceremony in her backyard. His dad is offering to cater (hooray Hawaiian food!) I actually love the idea of a small backyard wedding. We can have a huge celebration for the extended family, friends, etc. in a few years and renew our vows or something like that. Planning our wedding is actually one of the few things that I enjoy about him making this decision.

So no, leaving him is not an option.

That's good news, then. Has he actually talked with a recruiter, or is he just really considering it seriously? I know that when you talk to the recruiters they can pretty much tell you what they need/ what you would qualify for. With that information, you should know for sure if he will be travelling or stationed somewhere here doing "at home" work. As in, my friend in the airforce does computer work for the Air Force in FL. He will never leave that base and he will never be in a plane of any sort for his work.

So no, leaving him is not an option.

I would feel the same way if I were in your position. Love's love; you can't risk screwing up something so rare (not to say holding off marriage temporarily always spoils it, but for something I assume you two have put much care and emotion into, I don't think it'd be a great idea to do so).

If it might make you feel in any way better: my grandpa was in the military for four years; he had proposed to my grandma around the latter half of years two. To my grandma's dismay, he was soon sent overseas to Europe, but every week, my grandma would write him weekly letters and poetry. He was gone for two years. When he returned, they had their humble wedding. They've been loyally and happily married for fifty-two years, with a family who is crazy about them (especially me).

I don't pretend to know how it will feel, nevertheless, I'm willing to bet (based on my perspective of you) that you're as strong as my grandma was. It hurts to miss someone, but their return will always have more of an impact than the moment they left (in my opinion).

What I meant by that was you need to leave that guy. If you haven't gottem married after that many years, you never will be. You should move on and find another man. Once he goes in the Air Force he will be gone even more than he is now.

I know a couple who were engaged for 10 years. They married, and still live happy this day.

But if you question whether you will have a non-fucked up family or not, you should really think about the consequences staying with the guy, and the consequences for leaving him.

I would feel the same way if I were in your position. Love's love; you can't risk screwing up something so rare (not to say holding off marriage temporarily always spoils it, but for something I assume you two have put much care and emotion into, I don't think it'd be a great idea to do so).

If it might make you feel in any way better: my grandpa was in the military for four years; he had proposed to my grandma around the latter half of year two. To my grandma's dismay, he was soon sent overseas to Europe, but every week, my grandma would write him weekly letters and poetry. He was gone for two years. When he returned, they had their humble wedding. They've been loyally and happily married for fifty-two years, with a family who is crazy about them (especially me).

I don't pretend to know how it will feel, nevertheless, I'm willing to bet (based on my perspective of you) that you're as strong as my grandma was. It hurts to miss someone, but their return will always have more of an impact than the moment they left (in my opinion).

Your grandparents sound like fantastic people.

And what if something horrible happens in the next four years?

C'mon now Throws, read this sentence from your burly bear's perspective. With you two being together for six years, I'm sure that you were one of the driving influences behind him joining the airforce. Try to put yourself in his position. While he's out there, he'll be thinking of how getting through all of this will provide a better life for not only him, but for you and baby Throws. Won't it be something amazing when he comes back from Sweden or whatever country we piss off next with the oppurtunity to get himself a rewarding education along with a wedding and house for the both of you?

If you can't afford an education, it could take a lot longer than you'd think to get yourself back on track. My brother is 34 years old and is only now finishing college and deciding what he wants to major in. He's a guy who enjoys life in the city of Minneapolis, but he's a str8 up playa who prefers shuffling through girlfriends rather than settling down with somebody. I thought about this for a while; my bro is one suave motherf(ucker that any woman would want to settle down with, but he's still in school and he's still waiting tables. He can provide for himself and then some, but for a wife a kids? I don't think so, Tim.

I'm going to assume that your loverboy is somewhere around 24 years of age. He'll come back at 29 with the credentials to go wherever he wants. He'll get out of college and land a well-paying job fast; everyone kisses the ass of those that serve for their America. A baby Throws will come eventually, and being able to provide for him/her will no longer be a dream for the father.

Throws.
As long as you keep in touch stuff will be ok.
As long as there is no war, the air force is a good place to work at.
As long as you two love each other, you should support each others work goals.


But finally, my great granddad served in the airforce in WW2, came back as a well decorated war hero. He told me great stories of courage and valor, and taught me many lessons based on his experience in serving in the Soviet Airforc

So if you ever decide and actually have offspring, there would be alot your children would learn from your fiance.

Oh and it all depends where he is stationed. If he is able to stay at an airforce base thats close things can work out. Or if things don't work out, you will always have a choice to move with him, and or join the airforce your self.

Wow.

I don't really know what to say. Just reading this made me tear up a bit.

I'm really in no position to offer any kinda of advice. Just know that I really hope you guys can work through this. I'm rooting for you.

Tell me everything will be okay.

[color="#cc8899"]Everything will be ok. Air Force is the least demanding and least dangerous of the Armed Forces, and he's not in much danger of getting hurt. They also have a TON of US-based billets, meaning he is less likely to be overseas constantly.

The military is amazing for people that work with the system - if you follow the rules, it will do a lot to help you out in life. You make a lot of contacts that can help you out in life, it looks really impressive on job interviews, and the comraderie is really strong between sailors/soldiers/airmen. There is no other workforce like it.

If he's confident in his decision, and doesn't get in trouble, he'll do fine, as will you. The military does not make or break relationships - if you have a strong one, it will get stronger. A relationship that falls apart because of the military would have fallen apart anyway, just not as quickly. Plus, you get to show off your man in uniform.

tldr: What you're going through is perfectly normal - your hubby may be away for long periods of time, he may be stressed, may be in danger. Significant others go through this a lot when their loved one joins the military. I can't promise that it won't be hard, because it will, but people all over the world have survived it before. Stay strong and you'll get through this, and he will too.[/COLOR]

Whether I'm being objective or not, or honest with what I really think is a different opinion all together. But that doesn't really matter because I'm not allowed to go there anyway unless I want to receive terrible infractions which are very intimidating and hurt my sense of human existence.

Please, don't spare my feelings. Who am I anyway? Just another random stranger on the internet. And besides, I'm a big girl. I can handle it.

I'm sure what you'd have to say isn't much different from what a few family and friends have already said to me anyway.

There's a lot I want to respond to but my lunch break is almost over. I just wanted to say thanks for the support, guys. A lot of you posted things that really struck me, and I truly appreciate it.

I'll come back to this thread when I get home from work.

I know several people in the military. One of my good friends served a tour of duty in Iraq in the Airborne, that was some crazy shiite. It's definitely not how the recruiters describe it, but it's also not necessarily a shiity existence. Some people enjoy it, some people hate it. Definitely not for everyone, but it can be a good experience. Obama is probably going to pull the military out of Iraq pretty soon, and so it is likely your fiance won't be going there, and that's the place you're most likely to get killed in.

The serious problem with the military is all the moving. If you're trying to raise kids, it's hard on them because they lose all their friends every couple years. Expect to be placed in anywhere ranging from Germany to Japan or whatever. But, once your fiance gets out of the Air Force, he can go to college pretty much free.

By the way, my Army, Navy and Marines friends consider the Air Force as the "easiest" branch, if that's of any consolation. Marines get shot at, but how are the terrorists going to shoot at a plane mechanic in the middle of a fortified base, or at one of those stealth bombers nuking the crap out of them from near-orbit?