Taking huge steps

Situation is:

My girlfriend (not the one I'm with in the Post Your Pic thread if you ask, backstory later) has asked me to move in together sometime next year. I'd love to do this, I feel happy in ways I haven't before, but I'm scared, and I don't really know what to answer.

I'm about to turn 21, she's 20. Thoughts like this (moving in with someone, etc) have been going around my head for the past year, since I need to fly off the nest, but I hadn't pictured myself with her, before this. I had kinda planned that I'd move in with my cousin (we get along great, like broski and sis), but now this popped out.

I love my girlfriend, and what we talked about made me feel things I've never experienced before now like wanting to take full responsibility over my life decisions, my own home, starting to set up foundations for a coming family, etc. With her. This makes me happy in ways I've never experienced before. Wouldn't that make most of you happy? I like the thought of a family, a place which I can consider mine, with a woman I really love.

However (there's always a negative point)... at 21? I'm scared I'm too young to take these steps, and hesitant they are the right decision. What'd I miss? I haven't finished my studies and won't do for at least 5 years (Law school is loooooooooong), my whole economy would go around sustaining a home for my girlfriend and me. Ah, what am I saying, being fully an adult. Hell, the way I've been raised, moving out is a one-way street, no coming back home because things didn't work out.

To add to this, I'd be discarding some things like meetings with friends, going out and the likes (I don't know how to explain this part that much, but I guess you understand me), which I hadn't considered seriously.

I have so many mixed feelings that I don't even know how to feel anymore.

Thoughts? Ideas? Advice?

Thanks guys.

PS:

 Backstory

Even though I've been only for two months with her now, we've been dating on and off since we were 16~17, so we know each other pretty well, and we've been through some things already.

Two months ago I was with Yohana, my ex gf. Things started to get dense and I didn't want that into my life. We broke up, and after that I was kinda talking to my current gf, Alejandra, so we met and things started to roll out again. After two or so months we're happily together again. Things ended kinda ugly with Yohana, but eh, can't be helped.

You can either take it for the experience if nothing else, or you can hold off on it and make sure to explain your concerns with your girlfriend so she understands where you're coming from.

You can either take it for the experience if nothing else, or you can hold off on it and make sure to explain your concerns with your girlfriend so she understands where you're coming from.

But I'm not doing it just for the experience lol.

I'm going to settle with a girl, damn son.

But I'm not doing it just for the experience lol.

I'm going to settle with a girl, damn son.

What I meant is that if you move together and by chance things go to crap, well, you have the experience for the next time.

What I meant is that if you move together and by chance things go to crap, well, you have the experience for the next time.

I'd rather not factor that into this, but yeah, it's always a chance. Thanks for the words man.

IMO sounds like a horrible idea.

5 years school + housing debt + no full time job + utilities / food provisions + marriage?

IMO sounds like a horrible idea.

5 years school + housing debt + no full time job + utilities / food provisions + marriage?

- 5 years school

I can deal with that, I'm not dropping out.

- Housing debt

We'd be renting anyway.

- Full Time Job

Yes, I can do that, just switching from the 4 hours I do today to an 8 hour shift.

- utils/food

That's a valid point, though there would be 2 salaries to rely on.

- Marriage

Ugh I don't know about that yet.

People used to do that all the time (move out, get married, have kids, before finishing school and getting a stable job).

Question is, are you ready to grow up?
Being an adult, yeah, your time and resources are pretty much committed to home and family and the necessities of life, not much free time or money to hang with friends and stuff.
Some people are never ready for it, some can't wait.
Only you know how you, and your girlfriend, are.

People used to do that all the time (move out, get married, have kids, before finishing school and getting a stable job).

I know, that's what most people used to do two decades ago.

Question is, are you ready to grow up?
Being an adult, yeah, your time and resources are pretty much committed to home and family and the necessities of life, not much free time or money to hang with friends and stuff.
Some people are never ready for it, some can't wait.
Only you know how you, and your girlfriend, are.

Ah, that sums up pretty well how I feel. I guess I kinda have to let the idea grow on me too.

Reading that third sentence ''Some people are never ready for it, some can't wait.'' is... weird to say the least. An unquestionable truth mang.

sometimes asking your parents for help works. they're more in tuned with teh growing up part of life

But if you aren't on good terms with your parents, i'd wait it out for a little longer and see how you do with this girl. 2 months is big, but not THAT big to warrant moving in with each other (my opinion).Granted you've known her for a while, people are different when you're living with them. It may be happy and joyful at the start and you could date them and be joyful, but sometimes they're terrible terrible roommates.

Don't rush such a decision. Talk it out with your girl and your family (in case you need financial support/emotional support when you run into a barrier). It'll be rough on the start, but things always get better. You just ahve to know when the time is right. Do what you feel is the right thing, but consider other people's opinions and feelings too (but you already know that don't you? You did come to the interwebs for help ;D)

sometimes asking your parents for help works. they're more in tuned with teh growing up part of life

But if you aren't on good terms with your parents, i'd wait it out for a little longer and see how you do with this girl. 2 months is big, but not THAT big to warrant moving in with each other (my opinion).Granted you've known her for a while, people are different when you're living with them. It may be happy and joyful at the start and you could date them and be joyful, but sometimes they're terrible terrible roommates.

Don't rush such a decision. Talk it out with your girl and your family (in case you need financial support/emotional support when you run into a barrier). It'll be rough on the start, but things always get better. You just ahve to know when the time is right. Do what you feel is the right thing, but consider other people's opinions and feelings too (but you already know that don't you? You did come to the interwebs for help ;D)

Well, it hasn't been two months only, like I've stated, since the first time we've started dating until now we've been at least 2 and so years together. My parents do know that I want to move out, and they are neutral about it (if you wanna go for it, do it they say) but I haven't really talked about the possibility of moving out with my girlfriend.

Maybe you should wait until you two are more ''stable'' with each other and not going ''on and off'' again before making a decision such as moving in together.

I mean you might know you two have been through some things together, but you need to wait and find out if that even means anything in actuality.

if you catch yourself wondering wtp to do, it means you're probably rushing it. Slow down.

Just because you're offered to live with someone doesn't mean you have to take it. There will be other offers.

It's unrealistic to have a full time job + school + a full blossoming relationship. Splitting yourself 3 ways will crush you before you even get to 25.

Bottle all this up and put it away. Come back to it in a year. Meantime, stick to school and work.

It's unrealistic to have a full time job + school + a full blossoming relationship. Splitting yourself 3 ways will crush you before you even get to 25.

While the other part of your post is true, that one is not. Last year I did all of those. Didn't turn out that bad.

Assuming you go to school full time, you must have missed classes in order to keep a full time work week. And I wouldn't begin to know how you fit your love life into it. Only you would know the answer to that. If you can pull it off while still giving your gf full physical attention and not letting your GPA suffer, then good for you.

Personally, I couldn't do it. Quit my full time job to get my degree, and I left my girlfriend as well. And I wanted a family with her. Sometimes you gotta let go, even if it will always hurt.

Best of luck.

Assuming you go to school full time, you must have missed classes in order to keep a full time work week. And I wouldn't begin to know how you fit your love life into it. Only you would know the answer to that. If you can pull it off while still giving your gf full physical attention and not letting your GPA suffer, then good for you.

Personally, I couldn't do it. Quit my full time job to get my degree, and I left my girlfriend as well. And I wanted a family with her. Sometimes you gotta let go, even if it will always hurt.

Best of luck.

Work from 9 am to 4 pm, college from 6 pm to 11 pm, gf from 11 pm to the next day. Worked pretty good, but kinda demanding thinking about it twice.

Wonder why you left your girlfriend. I've never been fond of letting go. College and work are things you have multiple shots at (most of the time), love is not.

Thanks for the heads up though.

After a couple years of keeping a demanding schedule, I knew I would burn out at some point. Also, I wanted a family, and I knew I would probably have gotten her pregnant midway through school. Plans usually never finish the way they start.

If it's meant to be, you can let go, and it will all come back eventually. Things can click again, chemistry can spark like it always has.

If you can make it work, so be it. But you must be brutally honest with yourself about how well you can handle what's on your plate now and in the foreseeable future.


Friend of mine has a gf, did work part time, and was a full time student. First 9 months- year was fine. Then reality set in. It all caught up to him. Good guy, but stress does all kinds of things to a man. Had to go a few semesters barely enrolled in school to let things simmer down.

Nice thoughts man. I've seen things like this happen.

Hell, I'm arguing about not being fond of letting go, but I have in the past and things have clicked again like you've said.

This thread confuses me.

I remember reading an article on Cracked about this. Now yeah, it's from Cracked, but it still had some good points to it. Are you sure this is what you want? Main thing is talk to your gf. If she's the type to listen tell her all your complaints. Gauge her reactions, see how she feels, and decide from there if it's worth taking the plunge. Don't burn any unnecessary bridges though. Sure moving out into the world on your own's a scary prospect, but everyone's gotta take the plunge sooner or later.

Letting go doesn't necessarily mean burning bridges. Sometimes you gotta walk a path others won't be able to follow. Can't be helped.