A Certain Shade of Melancholy

Now you can't unsee it.

Removed from existence.

LOL Sorry. I'm used to find similarities in everything I read, play, watch, enjoy. That's why you WILL see me point out similarities.

Also:
Trelano - Trissany.

Yeah, I'm annoying.

"But if we're all not okay, isn't the world a very depressing place?"

I'm sort of a map fanatic, so I'm really glad that you decided to work on the city map and its backstory so soon. Didn't think I'd see it this early on. I like it.


Since I'm here, I might as well get my vote in too.

[x] Thompson

"Perhaps you should ask my cat."

[X] Thompson

Also, maybe make a blog about character profiles because I'm struggling to remember who is who as each chapter so far is totally different.

"Your...cat? Do you take me for a mad woman?"

I would have to agree that Thompson turned out exceedingly well. My favorite character so far, no doubt. Something about the idea of a more intelligent person that's fed up with the system taking the initiative to stick it to the man that I can just really relate to.

Awesome, man. Just awesome.

It isn't just coincidence that District 9 is a slum, right?

I love these utopia/dystopia stories...

Blah blah.

Is this some DFO influence I see? But I really agree with you and the others, Thompson's a really good character, and it looks like he's going to be the one to show us around the Slums.

I can't wait for the enigma to reveal herself to us. :]

"Mad? Have you never heard the tales of an upside-down cat?"

Silly boy... I fall back asleep in my arms.

Is it supposed to be "fall back asleep in his arms" or did you intend to write it this way?

GAH! Must read more!

La la la.

Wow, Felix, that was amazing. Can't wait for this to get rolling.

Suspense! D:

6 day weekend because of snow + waiting = x_x

I finally decided to take the time to read some of your writings Kyle, and it's not bad.

I suppose you might be interested in impressions coming from me, as you've asked for comments a few good times now. I've read some books, mostly been a hardass about it. I've seen way less movies unfortunately, so I can't say I've got the visions =P However, the majority of the stories I've seen came from small movies, vids, and games from here and there. Also, I'm quite a technical person. Anyways...

¶ = chunky paragraphs.
D = chunky dialogue parts.

Prologue
¶1 (Screaming.) -- Small sentences with emotions. Good for compressing a moment. Seems like bad shyt is going down.
¶2-4 -- Okay wth is going on? The first paragraph makes no sense now.
¶5 (We hold...) -- So is this what the story is about? Regress and exploration of human emotion and feeling? Philosophical.

Chapter 1 (Vincent)
¶2 ("What do...) -- The "open blinds, wait fk that, close blinds" stuff gives nice character, makes things seem more human, even though by and large it is insignificant to the story. Or is it?
¶5 ("Alright, have...) -- The inexplicable quarreling couple. Every novel needs one of those! (not really, but it seems typical for some reason)
¶6 ("Hm?) -- Good opening description of the outside setting of the world. Points++; for giving important information so that the reader can make accurate thoughts about the characters without straying from the author's world.
¶7 (It does.) -- Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't you only capitalize after an ellipses AND a period? Grammatical errors.
D -- Vincent lurves Emilia. Dun dun dun!
¶8 (She's never...) -- The "she never acted this way before" thing. Hmm....

Chapter 2 (Harlow)
¶1 (Six minutes.) -- More short style. Then again it could be regular writing....
¶2 (I sit...) -- Yay more sarcasm!
¶3-6 -- Mmm unholy anti-android rage xD
You mentioning that the prologue boy was Harlow WAS a bad idea. Now it feels like the story is tainted and it's no longer as interesting as it was.

Chapter 3 (Mikayla)
¶1 (I let...) -- Nice one for revealing the flaws of government right in this opening segment. It should have been made obvious that the government isn't 1984 style. It is also interesting that society, as perceived by a variety of people (lol 3), seems to have the illusion of utopia, since people know what the government intends, yet they really don't feel that it is a real utopia. I used the word "illusion" instead of "perceived" or "apparent" since the only mention of current societal technology actually being a real boon came from androids. On a different branch, it should be noted that if only robots are allowed to drive, taking down the infrastructure of the city can be quite unsettling, to say the least. I don't know protocol or anything in the fictional world, but it's definitely a possible foreshadowing of more sinister events, should they ever be written.
D ("Really?) -- Androids walking the path humans once walked. Could it be that the humans are already enslaved in their own society, while the androids turn out to be the real patriots?
D -- "That'll be the day." That just seems wrong. You can do better.
D (I open...) -- The "you're acting weird" line again.
D ("No!) -- Kinda creepy that emotional androids were designed to fear death when law dictates that they be dismantled when their masters disappear. R&D must have sucked big time, or the people behind these designs were unmotivated, sleazebag government honchos.
D ("By the...) -- We'll see how "dismantling" works. If the process is exactly what it implies, Mikayla's going to have one hell of a trip soon, since her dealings cannot be covered up completely.

Chapter 4 (Adelaide)
"I'da laid" with someone. Har har har!
D -- Jerk dad and dead mom. Fun. I guess she has her own hoodlum hiding place or something.
D ("Please.) -- Something starts at one, eh?
¶2 ("I'll be...) -- The "I should be greatful" rationale. Oyas! And do people in high living really take cold showers? Luke warm maybe, but cold? Might be something new to have learned.
D ("Everyone will...) -- When a dad describes people's stares as defiling you, you know it's time to jump ship. Relationship is not salvageable.
¶6 ("NO!) -- Holy shyt... Lots of people are changing their lives around! Seems kinda cliche now. (and yes I realize these are different people with their own limited sentience and perspective)
¶7 (I'm a...) -- Well I'll be darned, she DOES have a hoodlum hiding place. Is it also possible she has lovers? Just like in the opening?
D -- She still believes in daddy? And she's in a drugged hippy state too, it's most likely true. Great personal battle. Will be rough rapids, towering storms, dark forest in journey. Beware the leopard, panther, and jaguar.

Oh, and about Trelano, I instantly thought Midgar too. Haha xD The placement of the high class district and consequently neighboring districts don't make sense to me though. I guess an explanation is in order. However, giving us this much background outside of the story hurts your story (unless you really meant to include it as an "intermission" piece, but still, read on), as not only does the development of character contribute to it, so does discovering bits and pieces of society and terms. I guess you could call it something of a "mystery" for people to ponder on, while it really isn't a true mystery.

Chapter 5 (Thompson)
D -- Yay! Someone who actually oozes personality! People who actually ooze personality. Shiet!!!
¶1 (That little...) -- Guy going around beating people up and not getting retribution for it. I would have to guess that most basic needs are readily available in the "slums" or else there would be street gangs, and Tinder wouldn't be walking around for long. Or is it? Lack of mention of gangs highly suggests that no such things exist in great presence. Also, lack of police reinforcement/trust.
¶2 (I wander...) -- An "I'm feelin' it" guy with w/e attitude. Usually a better of the typecast characters. And the person he's stalking... possibly Harlow, only because "they're both in the story as mains, they must meet each other!" thinking.
¶3 (It doesn't...) -- I'm calling that kitten Mr. Scruffles. But seriously, I believe that's another significant metaphorical element.
D ("Everyone remain...) -- Nice show of usual police interaction... I think. What bothers me though is that if Tinder feels that the girl is important somehow, why doesn't he really try to recall the photo in detail? On the other hand, you've never bothered with descriptive details of most any kind.

Chapter 6 (Laisa)
¶1 (He watches...) -- Unusual character. I'm not sure I'll ever understand her completely.
D ("A little...) -- "I let you sleep." Is that really suppose to be like that?
D ("Once you...) -- Okay I kinda lied, I might understand her much better xD
It seems like she will be the mystic one of the group. Very little doubt about it. She uses the power of imagination and illusion to escape from reality to temporarily retreat. The rest of the chapter is a bit "meh" though.


I hope I've been honest enough with you. If I haven't hit on some of the points you'll probably be writing about later, do your best to surprise me, and I'll enjoy your writings greatly.

"What...what the hell are you talking about? You are confusing me!"