SouthPerry, i will take the plunge

i will attempt to maintain my sanity as i take the dive and attempt to read Twilight. ive had the book for a few months, and its done nothing but gather dust. i feel that, to further and fully bash it, i need to cite parenthetical sources for instances of when i just cannot stand the book. if by some chance i happen to come out of this venture a fan of the book and want to read the series, then i hereby give full disclosure for anyone to swiftly and firmly kick my ass.

*crossing my fingers*

Okay.

Good luck on your quest to brave the horror that is... Twilight.

Twilight is a terrible book written by a terrible writer.

Twilight is a terrible book written by a terrible writer.

Oh, tell me news dear.

You will love it.

I did.

Seriously.

You will love it.

I did.

Seriously.

But you're gay.


[SIZE="1"]jk jk[/SIZE]

I'mma laugh when you actually like it.

thing is i already read the "id like to thank," and i was shocked at the list of names of people she thanks, even her editor and various "online family members." what the bloody 'ell man.

Okay...?
Must you make a public spectacle of every thing you do? I doubt anyone honestly cares...>_>

Must you make a public specticle of every thing you do? I doubt anyone honestly cares...>_>

What's a specticle? =D

But seriously I care. Doesn't change my mind about the book, but I wanna see the reactions and formations of a fan/hater as the book gets read xD

Number of Pages in the Book: 498
The First Hint of a Plot that Is Not Bella and Edward's Romance: page 328
When the Plot Actually Arrives: page 372

Boys that Totally Love Bella (Including Edward Cullen): 5

Approximate Amount of Time Bella and Edward are Romantically Involved Before Bella Is Begging Edward to Turn Her into a Vampire so They Can Be Together Forever: Like, two weeks. Maybe three. The timeline's a bit fuzzy.

References to Edward's Beauty: 165

Broken Down into the following categories -

• Face: 24 (Favorite adjectives: glorious, heavenly, seraphic)
  
• Voice: 20 (The voice of an archangel, donchaknow.)
  
• Eyes: 17
  
• Movement: 11
  
• Smile: 10
  
• Teeth: 8
  
• Muscles: 7
  
• Skin: 7 (Note: This only contains accounts of Edward's skin being beautiful. I didn't count references to it as "pale," "cold," or "white." If I had, this number would be about ten times larger.)
  
• Iron Strength or Limbs: 5
  
• Breath: 4 (EVEN HIS BREATH IS AMAZING.)
  
• Scent: 4
  
• Laughter: 3
  
• Handwriting: 2
  
• Chest: 2
  
• Driving Skills: 1
  
  

The Number of Times...

• Bella Is Clumsy or Makes a Reference to Her Clumsiness: 26
  
• Bella Sneers at Forks or Its Inhabitants: 22
  
• Bella is "Dazzled" or Rendered Speechless by Edward's Beauty or Touch: 17
  
• Edward Tells Bella to Stay Away from Him While Completely Contradicting Himself with His Behavior: 16
  
• Bella is Utterly Desolate at Edward's Absence: 12
  
• Edward and Bella Kiss: 8
  o Bella's Hormones Get the Better of Her and She Attacks Edward, Almost Causing Him to Eat Her: 2 (She's not even allowed to kiss him back! Where's the fun in that?)
  o Edward's Kiss Makes Bella Faint: 1
  o Edward's Kiss Makes Bella's Heart Literally Stop: 1
  
• Bella Thinks She Isn't Good Enough for Edward: 6
  
• Edward Is Referred to As Godlike: 5 (Note: This number might be off, as I didn't start counting until three or four mentions in.)
  
• Edward Tells Bella She's Unnatural: 5
  
• Edward Sparkles: 3
  
• Bella is in Mortal Danger: 3
  o Edward Saves Bella from Mortal Danger: 3
  
• Edward Stalks Bella, For Real: 2 (Note: One of these instances involves watching her sleep every night for, like, months.)
  
• Bella says "Holy Crow!": 2
  
• Bella and Edward Argue About Who Loves the Other Most: 1
  
• Edward's Inability to Read Bella's Mind is Explained: 0
  
  

I would have kept track of how many times Edward's mood shifts unexpectedly and for no reason, but I didn't have that much paper. I am sad, though, that I didn't keep track of how many times words like "granite," "stone," and "marble" are used in reference to Edward. His arms, his lips. Explain to me how kissing cold, marble lips is at all appealing. And yet it makes Bella faint. I give up.

But seriously I care. Doesn't change my mind about the book, but I wanna see the reactions and formations of a fan/hater as the book gets read xD

I'm interested in this now too.

Best of luck in your endeavor. But I'm also with this guy:

I'mma laugh when you actually like it.

• Edward Sparkles: 3
  

Do not want.

What's a specticle? =D

But seriously I care. Doesn't change my mind about the book, but I wanna see the reactions and formations of a fan/hater as the book gets read xD

Spectacle* Excuse my typos, 99% of my forum viewing is done on my iPod without spell check

It's not so much just this thread. TS just has a tendency to try and draw as much attention to himself as he possibly can. It's just annoying to me =/

On the topic of the book:
I thought it was poorly written and wasn't something I enjoyed reading. I was forced by my (ex)girlfriend at the time to read it, because she was sooooooo fascinated by this "Edward" character. Made me want to gag. Later worsened when my Junior English teacher (a 5x year old pudgey woman with red hair. Honestly, she was the epitomy of an Oompa Loompa) put a big ass poster of him at the front of the class; I sat right in front of it. Did not like.

Saying you have to read Twilight to determine it's $hit is like saying you have to dip your nose in $hit to determine that it smells bad. When roughly 15 million people have already said it's $hit, you can practically smell the horrid writing from the bookshelf. I concur with the others. Don't do it, for the sake of all that is good and holy.

Saying you have to read Twilight to determine it's $hit is like saying you have to dip your nose in $hit to determine that it smells bad. When roughly 15 million people have already said it's $hit, you can practically smell the horrid writing from the bookshelf. I concur with the others. Don't do it, for the sake of all that is good and holy.

I lol'd irl.

Saying you have to read Twilight to determine it's $hit is like saying you have to dip your nose in $hit to determine that it smells bad. When roughly 15 million people have already said it's $hit, you can practically smell the horrid writing from the bookshelf. I concur with the others. Don't do it, for the sake of all that is good and holy.

Must save this for my kids