My Life Is [A Never-Ending Story]

[x] Research Lizor Calranian on the internet.

Why didn't Felix just google/wikipedia NewFuture in the first place?

Why didn't Felix just google/wikipedia NewFuture in the first place?

YOU STOP WITH YOUR LOGIC.

THIS iS STORYTELLING. I HESITATED EVEN INCLUDING THE INTERNET IN THIS STORY AT ALL. IT RUINS SO MANY POTENTIALLY EXCITING EXPERIENCES.

;_;

[p] Research Lizor Calranian on the internet.

YOU STOP WITH YOUR LOGIC.

THIS iS STORYTELLING. I HESITATED EVEN INCLUDING THE INTERNET IN THIS STORY AT ALL. IT RUINS SO MANY POTENTIALLY EXCITING EXPERIENCES.

;_;

Research Lizor Calranian on the internet.

Research Lizor Calranian using the voices in your head.

[X] Wait until dark and snoop around the Legard's/Stan's

the intrawebs is full of lies. trust only what you see with your own eyes.

the intrawebs is full of lies. trust only what you see with your own eyes.

THIS MAN UNDERSTANDS.

Oh, and btw, from this entry onward I'm gonna try requiring 7 votes before a decision is made for a while. See how it goes.

[X] Wait until dark and snoop around the Legard's/Stan's

the intrawebs is full of lies. trust only what you see with your own eyes.

tru story, i pik diz 1 2.

[X] Wait until dark and snoop around the Legard's/Stan's

[X] Wait until dark and snoop around the Legard's/Stan's

This sounds more exciting than than researching on the internet. LIEK OMG TOTALLY NANCY DREW!

I'd also like to add that, while your guy's decision to hide behind the bed surprised me, it wasn't at all a "bad" choice. It just radically changed the direction the story could have gone. In fact, it actually gave me an interesting plot to develop. There is no bad choice in this until you end up dead or are so far gone that I just have to force a backtrack.

This is the one and only thing I don't like about CYOA's, unlike with VN's or CYOA books you can't go back and see what the other choices would lead you to. Unless, you're planning on doing that very thing once the story ends.

YOU STOP WITH YOUR LOGIC.

THIS iS STORYTELLING. I HESITATED EVEN INCLUDING THE INTERNET IN THIS STORY AT ALL. IT RUINS SO MANY POTENTIALLY EXCITING EXPERIENCES.

;_;

Well...

 Spoiler

There are so many things you could have done though...

Like, you could have said Melanie's parents didn't let her have a computer for some reason.

Or NewFuture broke the internet.

But yeah, having the internet does make some things hard.

...

I should reword that.

Well...

 Spoiler

There are so many things you could have done though...

Like, you could have said Melanie's parents didn't let her have a computer for some reason.

Or NewFuture broke the internet.

maybe....
newfuture wants to ruin tha internetz and chad is actually an undercover hacker and his secret project was cutting all the internet wires in the oceans so there will be NO INTARNATZZZ!!!!11 NOOOOO!! KILL HIM BEFORE HE DOES THAT!

Well, I'll have to go with

[X] Research Lizor Calranian on the internet.

It's safe yanno.

[x] Research Lizor Calranian on the internet.

Too risky to enter Felix's house at this moment.

[x] Research Lizor Calranian on the internet.

OH SHI

 Spoiler

Hi there. =]

I have to say I do find this fiction very intriguing. Compared to the last 'create your own destiny' book, which was horrifyingly boring, and put me off these destiny books of a while, I feel this may just just won me back. I've read all entries now, and I can say it was fun to read, however I will point out a few things:

- Some places in your dialogue need very much a good edit. The problem is you having two people talking on the same line - which is incorrect and confuses readers a lot. New speaker, new line.

This is what I've seen so far (example):
"Life is so hard," Felix says, feeling upset. "I know," replies Melanie.

It should be like this:
"Life is so hard," Felix says, feeling upset.
"I know," replies Melanie.

- Secondly, I see you are using present tense - which is often a rare thing in published novels. Usually past tense is used, I don't know if you want to alter it but I would recommend it. Your present tense isn't 'bad' but there are times when words would fit in a lot better in past tense.

- Length - at the start each entry had a fixed length, not too lengthy, not too short. But now, towards the end I see the entries becoming quite long - I know it may be hard since sometimes you just need to include those few details, but try to maintain a reasonable and similar length for each entry.

- Small detail I realised - I realised you sometimes added 'It's 2 PM' or '12 PM' or something alike. I think it would be a lot better to fit it in with the story instead of just including it at the end. Example: Felix looks down at his watch and realises it's 2 PM, while a tear forms of how time can cause so much pain.

Keep it up! Looking forward to next entry.

Oh and: [X] Wait until dark and snoop around the Legard's/Stan's

Why not?

[x] Research Lizor Calranian on the internet.

OH SHI

 Spoiler

Beat me to it. D:

[] Research Lizor Calranian on the internet.

Even if it's futile!

 Spoiler

Hi there. =]

I have to say I do find this fiction very intriguing. Compared to the last 'create your own destiny' book, which was horrifyingly boring, and put me off these destiny books of a while, I feel this may just just won me back. I've read all entries now, and I can say it was fun to read, however I will point out a few things:

- Some places in your dialogue need very much a good edit. The problem is you having two people talking on the same line - which is incorrect and confuses readers a lot. New speaker, new line.

This is what I've seen so far (example):
"Life is so hard," Felix says, feeling upset. "I know," replies Melanie.

It should be like this:
"Life is so hard," Felix says, feeling upset.
"I know," replies Melanie.

- Secondly, I see you are using present tense - which is often a rare thing in published novels. Usually past tense is used, I don't know if you want to alter it but I would recommend it. Your present tense isn't 'bad' but there are times when words would fit in a lot better in past tense.

- Length - at the start each entry had a fixed length, not too lengthy, not too short. But now, towards the end I see the entries becoming quite long - I know it may be hard since sometimes you just need to include those few details, but try to maintain a reasonable and similar length for each entry.

- Small detail I realised - I realised you sometimes added 'It's 2 PM' or '12 PM' or something alike. I think it would be a lot better to fit it in with the story instead of just including it at the end. Example: Felix looks down at his watch and realises it's 2 PM, while a tear forms of how time can cause so much pain.

Keep it up! Looking forward to next entry.

Oh and: [X] Wait until dark and snoop around the Legard's/Stan's

Why not?

No one cared about that crap until you brought it up. Just saying. Also, "realize" is spelled with a "Z."

"Felix looks down at his watch and realises it's 2 PM, while a tear forms of how time can cause so much pain."

I have no idea what that's supposed to mean. :f6:

This is all for fun anyways, you didn't have to over-analyze it. It's not like Felix is gonna compile it and sell it as a book or anything...

Wait.

 Spoiler

Felix wouldn't...

BUT FUZZBUNS MIGHT!

That cat's been using us for his own gain from the beginning. I knew he was too cute to be that dumb. >.>

Entry 41. June 15, 2009.

[x] Research Lizor Calranian on the internet.

"Oh so now you're going to make fun of me? We were too distracted to think of looking up NewFuture online. Shut up... Fine, we'll research it now that we have his name."

"Melanie, lets go look up Lizor on the net. We're bound to find out something about him," Felix suggests. "It's funny you should say that... I was just wondering why we didn't look up NewFuture earlier," Melanie shrugs. The two go back to Melanie's computer and begin their online research. "Li...zor... Cal... Rain? Wait, what. How do you even spell his stupid name?" she says, frustrated. "Lets try this," Felix says as he reaches over to type instead. "Lizor Cal...ranian," he tries. One article catches their eyes immediately.

"CEO of Rapidly Growing Technological Factory, NewFuture, Accused of Rape"

"Whoa, what the hell," Melanie stops. "Keep scrolling, Mel," Felix tells her. The headlines unfold like a story in real time.

"NewFuture Attracts Negative Attention; CEO Denies Rape Charges"

"Lizor Calranian's Success Threatened"

"Rape Victim Steps Forward: "I know it was that man!"

"NewFuture's Future Not So Bright"

"Shocking Evidence Discovered in Ongoing Rape Case"

"CEO, Lizor Calranian, Freed of All Charges"

"Young Woman in High-Profile Rape Case Disappears"

The two stare at each other as the headlines progress from accusation, to conviction, to freedom and finally the disappearance of the supposed victim.

"How come I don't remember anything about this?" Felix asks.
"It looks like these articles are from six years ago. That's right around the time NewFuture was being opened in Gledenberg," Melanie informs him.
"Hmm... I can vaguely remember my parents talking about this. I remember my dad always hushing a topic about rape when my mom would try bringing it up. I thought it was pretty strange."
"I don't suppose he'd want to talk about a case that threatens to ruin the reputation of the place he just started working for."
"Yeah... Haha. What terrible timing. Who knows what would have happened to NewFuture if Lizor was sent to prison on rape charges so early in the beginning phases of his factory," Felix says without even realizing the implications.
"It's awfully convenient, don't you think? Evidence appears that proves his innocence? The woman disappears altogether?" she speculates.
"You don't think... He had her...removed?"
"Quite a coincidence, isn't it?"
"Funny, Mel. If only we could talk to Patrick about this."

Realizing how late it's become, Felix and Melanie decide to call it a night, satisfied with their discovery. However, they fail to realize how dark and dangerous the waters they've just entered truly are.

June 16, 2009.

Felix awakens with a scream, the image of Stan's twisted, dying face fresh in his eyes. His hands shake uncontrollably. Melanie comes running into the room moments later and asks what happened. Felix looks at her, too scared to talk to her about his nightmare.

[] Shrug it off and insist you're okay.
[] Tell Melanie about the nightmare you've been having.
[] Lie and say you had a bad dream about your father.

What are the voices inside Felix's head telling him to do?

 Spoiler

LOL'd @ the Google search. There's the secret guys: CALIFORNIA. Remember it well.

Haha oh wow.

 @ iiMarik

Hey there. I'm glad you've been enjoying my story. I appreciate your comments. I'm fully aware of all the issues you pointed out, though. I'm doing this purposely more carefree. I ALWAYS make my writing serious business, and I wanted to do something that WASN'T. I typically spend more time editing my writing than actually writing it. I've spent FIVE months, almost daily, editing and perfecting a simple three page short story before. Maybe it's my curse.

I only proofread each of my entries very briefly before posting them. I look for serious errors such as missing words and butchered spellings. I'm not going to stress over this in any way because it's meant to be fast and fun. I wanted an excuse to write this summer and enjoy every moment of it. I'm here to tell a story and have fun with the lovely people of this forum. That's it.

I often keep character's dialogue in one paragraph so that I don't have so many choppy paragraphs. A lot of my story is heavily dialogue based. If it's causing anyone confusion, I'll gladly change it. I do it properly when I know I'm hitting longer conversations and the like. Otherwise, I don't worry about it.

Tenses I absolutely don't care about. Tense conflictions are my most common error in any of my writing. I've been made painfully aware of that, which is why I ignore it completely in this. I don't plan to make this into a novel or even show it to anyone outside of SP.

Length I agree has become a problem. I started out short, fast and furious because that is when I didn't have any idea what my story was about. Now that I do know, and I have many plans for it, entries have become longer. I try to cut back sometimes...but eh, I prefer to get more out at once than stopping and forgetting something. Concerning consistency? Doesn't bother me. I'm not writing these in chapter format for that reason.

I throw times in occasionally so that I know where I am. It helps me keep my place in the day and helps me decide what I can write about. I could (and probably should) make it a bit prettier, I agree. I'll pay more attention to that.

Again, thank you for comments, but please try not taking it so seriously. This is like me fighting the MAN. I'm writing a fun story for my Southperry friends during my summer break...I'm not back at college writing for my professors (I'm an English major, if you were curious). I'm relaxing on purpose. lol

Makes me happy you're enjoying the story, though!

[x] Lie and say you had a bad dream about your father.

Spare her your pain of the memory of you killing Stan. She probably realizes you had a bad dream, so don't try to hide that fact from her.