2012-08-10, 01:23 AM
My night... was the best pineappleing night.
Okay so I mentioned this on IRC the other night but I was plotting a hilarious night of uncomfortableness for a friend coming to town. There are a lot of people involved in this story so pay attention.
Alright, so my friend who is a male that we'll call Jeff was coming to town with his band to play a set in a tour. Jeff and I were friends in high school, we had a good friendship though I was never attracted to him. He had a lot of struggles with... containing his hormones, however, and would often tell me how horny he was. My friend, Jane, ended up dating him and taking his virginity. And a few years later, we found out that Jeff had also received a blowjob from the gayest gay of all the gays in school, which was a hilarious revelation. Jane and the Gay ran into each other a while ago and got drunk and sent him a picture of the two of them with a hilarious caption indicating they had been talking about him.
So, when I found out he was coming to town, being a terrible peach, I felt like it would be fun to make him as uncomfortable as possible by inviting both Jane and the Gay to come see him with me. We were just going to sit there staring at him all night. It would be fun to make him uncomfortable.
Didn't actually work out that way, though. Things went... so much better than I could've ever expected.
Jane and I arrived early and when we got there I went up and hugged Jeff. He had no idea who I was, which was extremely awkward. But I got to witness the interaction between him and Jane... the first direct one since their break-up. That was hilarious for me. Unfortunately, the Gay had not arrived and things were not going the way I wanted. We couldn't just pineapple with his head at this point and he started ducking outside a lot to avoid us.
Luckily, the Gay accidentally brought along a whole new twist. See, he brought with him a friend who we'll call Kim. Kim and Jane are currently pineappleing the same guy, though neither the Gay or I knew this. Kim and Jane don't get along at all, and there was this horribly uncomfortable hostility between them for a while. Which then exploded when the guy they're both pineappleing showed up without realizing that Jane would be there. It was too late for him to run so he basically hid within himself; neither girl claimed ownership of him, both were so focused on hating each other. And then Jeff returned and saw the Gay next to Jane leaning in and whispering something while looking in his direction. You could basically see his heart sink and his face essentially read "pineapple MY LIFE." Everyone was so uncomfortable and I was in hysterics.
But it got better, because the band ended up just being pineappleing awful. It broke the awkward silence as we all struggled to act like we were laughing at something else. Which then was provided to us, as a large group of young girls wandered by the place and started slamming against the window and pawing at it for no reason. There was lots of things being said but the two that stuck with me were "IS THERE A ZOMBIE WALK?!" and "THAT GIRL JUST LICKED A WHOLE LOT OF WINDOW!" which she did. And I was literally on the floor, dying. I was laughing so hard that I was crying and couldn't breath. I have never actually "roflmao"'d but tonight, I did.
There were a few more exchanges but nothing worth mentioning.
Still, God out-schemed me good.
Okay so I mentioned this on IRC the other night but I was plotting a hilarious night of uncomfortableness for a friend coming to town. There are a lot of people involved in this story so pay attention.
Alright, so my friend who is a male that we'll call Jeff was coming to town with his band to play a set in a tour. Jeff and I were friends in high school, we had a good friendship though I was never attracted to him. He had a lot of struggles with... containing his hormones, however, and would often tell me how horny he was. My friend, Jane, ended up dating him and taking his virginity. And a few years later, we found out that Jeff had also received a blowjob from the gayest gay of all the gays in school, which was a hilarious revelation. Jane and the Gay ran into each other a while ago and got drunk and sent him a picture of the two of them with a hilarious caption indicating they had been talking about him.
So, when I found out he was coming to town, being a terrible peach, I felt like it would be fun to make him as uncomfortable as possible by inviting both Jane and the Gay to come see him with me. We were just going to sit there staring at him all night. It would be fun to make him uncomfortable.
Didn't actually work out that way, though. Things went... so much better than I could've ever expected.
Jane and I arrived early and when we got there I went up and hugged Jeff. He had no idea who I was, which was extremely awkward. But I got to witness the interaction between him and Jane... the first direct one since their break-up. That was hilarious for me. Unfortunately, the Gay had not arrived and things were not going the way I wanted. We couldn't just pineapple with his head at this point and he started ducking outside a lot to avoid us.
Luckily, the Gay accidentally brought along a whole new twist. See, he brought with him a friend who we'll call Kim. Kim and Jane are currently pineappleing the same guy, though neither the Gay or I knew this. Kim and Jane don't get along at all, and there was this horribly uncomfortable hostility between them for a while. Which then exploded when the guy they're both pineappleing showed up without realizing that Jane would be there. It was too late for him to run so he basically hid within himself; neither girl claimed ownership of him, both were so focused on hating each other. And then Jeff returned and saw the Gay next to Jane leaning in and whispering something while looking in his direction. You could basically see his heart sink and his face essentially read "pineapple MY LIFE." Everyone was so uncomfortable and I was in hysterics.
But it got better, because the band ended up just being pineappleing awful. It broke the awkward silence as we all struggled to act like we were laughing at something else. Which then was provided to us, as a large group of young girls wandered by the place and started slamming against the window and pawing at it for no reason. There was lots of things being said but the two that stuck with me were "IS THERE A ZOMBIE WALK?!" and "THAT GIRL JUST LICKED A WHOLE LOT OF WINDOW!" which she did. And I was literally on the floor, dying. I was laughing so hard that I was crying and couldn't breath. I have never actually "roflmao"'d but tonight, I did.
There were a few more exchanges but nothing worth mentioning.
Still, God out-schemed me good.