Currently Airing Anime

Zac Bertschy's (ANN) take on Upotte!! is damn funny. I sure as pomegranate won't be watching this show.

Upotte!!

Rating: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT

Let… let me see if.. let me see if I can explain this…

Seishou Academy is host to a bunch of moe girls who are also assault rifles, which is not a metaphor.

The lead character is FNC, an anthropomorphized Belgian rifle with a skeleton butt (which is a particular kind of gun butt, not that her butt is a skeleton… forget it), which is why she wears a thong..? She nearly has an orgasm one day at the local fair when a human boy shows up and demonstrates perfect rifle-handling form at the shooting gallery booth. She keeps imagining his big rifle-fondling hands on her, and can't help herself. This is how the show begins.

So all the girls in the school are also guns, and all of their sex organs correlate to a part on a rifle – their chest is the hand guard, their vaginas are apparently the muzzle and the butt is also the butt. One girl gets sick with stomach pains and goes in to first aid, where the nurse tells her her spring is out of whack while pressing on her belly, which makes a bunch of mechanical gun noises. So their insides are all gun parts, I guess, but they have squishy moe anime girl exteriors. It isn't like other things where the anthropomorphized OS or gaming console girls are just extensions of the product's identity, these girls are supposed to literally be assault rifles in moe girl form.




Later we learn all the different types of gun-girl-crazy goddamn mutant hybrid monsters what the hell is going on in this show that there are, each one with a different moe personality. Eventually FNC meets up with the human teacher and he puts his hands on her head, which nearly gives her an… orgasm? Uncontrolled fire? I DON'T KNOW. Then she shoots him, for the second time in the episode. The end!

So here's what I'm going to give Upotte!! the credit it truly deserves: this is some of the absolute craziest, dumbest, weirdly creepiest pomegranate I have ever seen in my life. Whoever is responsible for this show was out of their goddamn mind and it feels like someone said “hey, anyone wanna trigger another one of those “wacky crazy Japan!” American news articles? Let's freak everyone out!” It is bananas.

Watch Upotte!! if you are one of the following:

A person who honestly just wants to see how completely bonkers they're apparently willing to get these days in the anime industry
A dude who has such a strong gun fetish that you want to f*ck your guns but until now haven't really had a proper way to fantasize about doing that

But one thing is absolutely for certain: there are two eras in anime history. A time before Upotte!! existed, and now, which is where we're at.



We're through the looking glass, people.