The Five Love Languages

yea, i really feel anyone who gets the gifting one is a materialistic -

Yeah, I have a problem with putting that one on equal footing with the other "languages".
I mean, I can accept that there are people who mostly show affection by touch, and others by words, and others by "service" (they really need a better word), and others just by their presence and focused attention ("time"). But are there really a significant number of people who show their love by frequent little gifts (that aren't a cup of coffee to bed, since that's a "service", nor a note on the fridge, since that's a "word of affirmation")? I mean, other than doting grandparents? And there are people who actually respond to that kind of thing?

Don't get me wrong, I do like gifts, and I treasure a few special ones from special people. But I feel that if I had a partner who was constantly showering me with material things (instead of the other four "languages") I would not enjoy it. Those things wouldn't have any sentiment in them.


Back on topic: I think the basic idea of classifying expressions of affection into five basic groups, and paying attention to which kinds you and your spouse/friends/children tend to use more and to respond to more, is interesting and could be useful. However, the assessments are very poorly done, in my opinion.

For couples, right now, the questionnaire assumes your spouse is fluent in all 5 languages, and you just have to pick and choose which of his/her expressions of love you enjoy the most.
That's not how it is in the real world, is it?
There should have been some form of couples assessment, which attempts to simultaneously find out which languages each of you "speaks" and which each of you "hears". Maybe she'd like it if you flatter her less and wash the dishes more?

For children and teens, too many questions have hidden assumptions. Some things that are described as possible "expressions of love" are matter-of-fact (e.g. "drives me where I need to go") or even house rules (e.g., "at least one meal a day together" - which the child might actually resent) in certain families. Some people don't spontaneously hug or kiss their children because they respect their personal space, not because they or their kids aren't naturally physically affectionate. And so on.
There is also no reverse assessment, for parents to know how their children love them... probably extra necessary when the kids come up as liking "gifts" from parents most of all.

And the one for singles... I'm not really sure what to make of that one. Are you supposed to assume what you like from friends is what you'd like from a spouse, if/when you have one? Because I got fairly different results as a "single" and as a "wife". My language is not supposed to change, is it? Should be part of my personality, I would think.

Anyway,
tl;dr: the concept is cool, the quizzes suck