2011-08-18, 04:16 AM
As much as I want to start popping out babies and begin our own family, I am terrified at the thought of having children. I am scared that I will be doomed to continue a cycle of abuse, whether it be emotional, physical, or both. I am scared my children will hate me. I am scared that I will become jealous of my husband's love for our children. I am scared that I will be a terrible mother.
I don't know what I am doing with my life. The whole process with Kevin joining the Air Force keeps getting delayed, and delayed, and delayed, and I am sick and tired of waiting. In the meantime, I have a job that I absolutely love, but doesn't pay near enough to provide the kind of financial stability I would like before starting our own family. My previous attempts at obtaining a nursing degree were pretty half-assed and lazy because I really don't give a damn about nursing, even though I'm sure I would be great at it. Going to give accounting a shot because it's still business related (which I enjoy) and I have a pretty good head for numbers. But ugh, I'm turning 30 in a few years and I just want to start our family already.
It would be nice if he could just have a ridiculously well-paying job so I could keep the job I love without having to worry too much about how to make ends meet once we decide to start having children. But it would also be nice if I had a magic genie to just poof me a ton of money.
I don't know what I am doing with my life. The whole process with Kevin joining the Air Force keeps getting delayed, and delayed, and delayed, and I am sick and tired of waiting. In the meantime, I have a job that I absolutely love, but doesn't pay near enough to provide the kind of financial stability I would like before starting our own family. My previous attempts at obtaining a nursing degree were pretty half-assed and lazy because I really don't give a damn about nursing, even though I'm sure I would be great at it. Going to give accounting a shot because it's still business related (which I enjoy) and I have a pretty good head for numbers. But ugh, I'm turning 30 in a few years and I just want to start our family already.
It would be nice if he could just have a ridiculously well-paying job so I could keep the job I love without having to worry too much about how to make ends meet once we decide to start having children. But it would also be nice if I had a magic genie to just poof me a ton of money.