I need a way out

I know that I probably don't sound very cool or collected. I don't care.

I want to know how to run. How to get away from this place. I've as good as attempted suicide last year. I can't take it again. You'll probably say I'm selfish, or insane, or lying. I don't care. I need to get away from here. I can't take it. I don't care if I die, the way things are here is dying alive. I cannot do what I love. I am not allowed to think the way I want to. I cannot am not allowed to act the way I want to. Teachers catch every word and twist them to force me to talk in the way they want.

I spend every day living in pain, doing things I hate every waking moment. I remember counting the hours to the end of the day at one point, and shaking in fear at night, unable to sleep for fear of insufficiency. Everyone wants the opportunity to jump on me the second my guard's down, the second I fail at something, then I'll become the loser who everyone insults. That is the general attitude, if you drop to subpar or just not good enough for everyone's standards you become everyone's sh'it bag to step on whenever they feel like it. I need to get out. I want to die. I want to die.