What the shenanigans?

Google has finished conquering the world.

The Google Books Library Project started a few years ago and has grown exponentially. They are scanning books faster than the Nazis burned them and compiling massive amounts of information into searchable databases — almost 7 million books and counting. Google’s ability to pull information from Internet obscurity is already unparalleled. Its ability to compile millions of out-of-print books, magazines and documents is unprecedented.

Google doesn’t do this to be scary, but eventually, almost all written and recorded information could be available from a single place. To add to the mystery, Google has a massive satellite information network as well. Our homes are in full display on the street view, so they know where we live.

No one will ever suspect Google of ill-intent because their name sounds so innocent. Anything that reminds you of googly eyes shouldn’t scare you, unless you hate Cookie Monster. But be careful; the only thing separating us from a complete lack of privacy is federal law. If Google went bankrupt and was bailed out by the government, we might have something resembling a totalitarian state.

But until the philanthropic Google Foundation is disbanded and the company begins amassing arms, we have little to actually worry about. I just know that I don’t really see the need to use other search engines or have other e-mail accounts. A lot of other people see it that way too; we are okay with Google having a say in the way we live our lives.

But don’t call me up when a red, yellow, green and blue Google flag is raised over our nation’s capitol. I’ll be holed up in some basement trying to find an escape route via Google Earth, where I’ll probably be found because I forgot to turn off my Google phone.

I would actually consider joining the army under the Google© federal.