No Soap, No Shampoo, No...Stink?

This part is untrue. Back when bathing was for poor people it was essentially a sign of status among the french aristocracy to be going long periods of time without bathing while still seeming "fresh".

I dunno if you're joking or not! I'll assume you are but still address it seriously and say WE DON'T LIVE IN THE PAST. What was okay then definitely doesn't work now. Besides, have you ever SMELLED axe and BO? Most perfumes when combined with body odors create a monster. And even if you manage to get away with not creating that monster, you're still facing the same problem where you smell too strong.

Showering everyday is the worst thing you can do to your natural body oils lol.

Keeping your natural body oils at their best is not more important than the rest of the world's right to breath fresh air when you're around.

>mfw you're more likely to get dandruff if you shower everyday.

I shower every day and have had dandruff exactly once. Use better shampoo.