I'll embrace the static.

"WHO THE HELL DID YOU THINK WAS GOING TO STAND AT THE GATES, HUH, SOME PUSHOVER WEAKLING WITH THE INTELLIGENCE OF AN AVERAGE MAN? NO YOU NITWIT, I AM THE WISEST OF THE WATCHMEN. YOU THINK YOU CAN PASS THROUGH THESE MIGHTY DOORS INTO THE LAIR OF THE QUEEN WITHOUT HAVING TO FACE ME? YOU'RE PATHETIC. GO HOME YOU FOOL, YOU HAVE NO HOPE OF DEFEATING ME. PATHETIC, YOU TRIED TO SING A SONG FOR THE PRINCESS, AND NOW YOU'RE HERE TO BREAK THROUGH MY STATIONED WATCH? I AM MIGHTIER THAN YOU CAN EVEN FATHOM. THE MOMENT YOU STOLE YOUR FIRST INFANTILE SQUEAL OF BIRTH-CRIES, I WAS ALREADY AWARE THAT YOU'D COME HERE TO FACE ME TODAY. I'VE WATCHED YOU GROW, DEVELOP YOUR TALENTS, AND LAUGHED ALL THE WHILE. I AM THE GIANT THAT TOWERS OVER THE MOUNTAINS, A LION WHOSE DEN IS FILLED WITH FIRE AND GORE, THE AIR YOU BREATH IS A GIFT FROM MY FLATULENCE. GO BACK YOU IGNORANT SOD, OR YOU WILL NOT BE GIVEN THE GRACE OF A QUICK AND PAINLESS DEATH!"