ITT: Illogical things your parents said to you when you were a kid

My mother, the queen of all creation.
she still uses this to this day on my sister:

"your handwriting is sloppy, write neatly or i swear to god i'll knock you upside the head." *proceeds to crumple up paper and throw it away* "now this time, do it right!" Now, imagine that, in a violent and antagonistic tone, to a nine year old. with me she'd actually slap me upside the head, though.

"Your room is a fu'cking mess, clean this rat hole up now!" says the woman with a dusty, cluttered living room, dirty clothes on the kitchen and bathroom floor (old house had the washer and dryer in a closet in the bathroom), beer cans and bottles piled up to kingdom come, letters, coupon magazines and other trash mail just piled up on a kitchen counter, etc etc etc.

My parents did the exact same thing....almost. I got hit with a back scratcher or a finger jab if I didn't go my homework right.

With the room, my dad would maker it dirtier by taking toys out my closet and sweeping trash in the hallway to my room and expect me to have it done right or i'd get the "board of education" on my ass...cool racist joke dad.