The Bathroom Reader Institute

420

City. They agreed to play along. The decision was a good one:
Gorman won the amateur division and went on to beat Virginia
Lee, winner of the professional division, for the bathing-beaty
crown. She became the very first Miss America.

A GOLDMINE
With its eight contestants and $27,000 budget, the 1921 pageant
was extremely modest by today's standards. Even so, an estimated
90,000 to 100,000 people turned out to see it, making it a huge
sucess. It was just a swimsuit contest, not a polished TV cere-
mony draped in patriotism like today's pageants, but that didn't
matter. What counted most was that it made money for Atlantic
City merchants. As A. R. Riverol writes in Live from Atlantic City:
The History of the Miss America Pageant Before, After and in Spite of
Television,

[INDENT]The pageant's original aim was not to promote pageantry,
beaty, scholarship, or any other such lofty ideal. Its creation
was to make money, a point that many aficionados still feel
uncomfortable admitting. That the pageant provided a variety
of events, diversion, and entertainment was a peripheral
amenity to the organizer's aims--business and self-promotion.[/INDENT]

"We brought people here by the thousands," Mayor Edward Bader
observed dryly, "and if they wished to purchase anything, the
merchants profited."

Not what you expected? That's just the beginning.
For part II of the Miss America story, turn to page 479.


* * *


RANDOM THOUGHT

"When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance.
Sometimes I just go for an estimate."

--Phyllis Diller

[SIZE="1"]

Austrians are the world's #1 cat-lovers; 30% of Austrian households have at least one cat.

[/SIZE]

17

Page was in dual column format, so it might be a little stretched height-wise.

[SIZE="6"]

COURT TRANSQUIPS

[/SIZE]

We're back, with one of our regular features. Do court transcripts
make good bathroom reading? Check out these quotes. They're
things people actually said in court, recorded word for word.

Q: "Well, sir, judging from your answer on how you reacted to
the emergency call, it sounds like you are a man of intelli-
gence and good judgement."
A: "Thank you, and if I weren't under oath, I'd return the
compliment."

Q: "And you're saying because she's dead she's no longer alive;
is that what you're saying?"
A: "Is there a dispute there?"

Q: "What did he say?"
A: "About that? All the way back he--I've never been
called so many names."
Q: "You're not married, I take it."

Q: "You say that the stairs went down to the basement?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"

Q: "What is the meaning of sperm being present?"
A: "It indicates intercourse."
Q: "Male sperm?"
A: "That is the only kind I know."

Q: "You said he threatened to kill you."
A: "Yes. And he threatened to sue me."
Q: "Oh, worse yet."

Q: And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. O.K.?"
A: "Oral."
Q: "How old are you?"
A: "Oral."

Q: "Please state the location of your right foot immediately
prior to impact."
A: "Immediately before the impact, my right foot was
located at the immediate end of my right leg."
Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on
dead people?"
A: "All my autopsies have been on dead people."

Q: "Now, Mrs. Marsh, your complaint alleges that you have
had problems with concentration since the accident. Does
that condition continue today?"
A: "No, not really. I take a stool softener now."

[SIZE="1"]The "Ye" in "Ye Olde Taverne," is pronounced "the," not "yee."[/SIZE]

4

UNCLE JOHN'S BIGGEST EVER BATHROOM READER®
is a compilation of the following two previously published
Bathroom Reader titles:

Uncle John's Great Big Bathroom Reader®
ISBN: 1-879682-65-6
First Printing 1998
and

Uncle John's Ultimate Bathroom Reader®
ISBN: 1-879682-65-6
First Printing 1996

Plus 20 articles from
Uncle John's Giant 10th Anniversary Bathroom Reader®
and 3 articles from
Uncle John's All-Purpose Extra Strength Bathroom Reader®

UNCLE JOHN'S BIGGEST EVER BATHROOM READER®
Copyright © 2002 by The Bathroom Reader' Press (a division of
Portable Press). ALl rights reserved. No part of this book may be
used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written
permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in
critical articles or reviews. "Bathroom Reader" is a federally
registered trademark of Bathroom Readers' Press. "Uncle John" is
a trademark of Bathroom Readers' Press.

For information, write The Bathroom Readers' Hysterical Society,
5880 Oberlin Drive, San Diego, CA 92121
[NOPARSE]www.unclejohn@advmkt.com[/NOPARSE]

Cover design by Michael Brunsfeld
BRI Technician on back cover: Larry Kelp

ISBN 10: 1-57145-814-X ISBN 13: 978-1-57145-814-8
Library of Congress Control Number: 2002106433

Printed and bound in Canada
Ninth Printing September 2006
14 13 12 11 10 9 06 07 08 09 10 11

Yes I did read the fine print before-hand.