2010-10-30, 10:57 AM
rayhovite Wrote:Your paragraphs are too short as well as the body. It appears your transition sentences are nonexistent.
I can't find a conclusion. The last two lines seem more worthy of an intro than for a conclusion. Lastly, you have many sentence fragments.
DO AGAIN
This isn't a normal essay. It's a conversational tone.
Like, as if I were talking to you but you were a mute so you couldn't say anything.