2010-02-17, 04:49 PM
FelixTM Wrote:Oh wow Kajiti. THANK YOU. Awesome. I love so so much to hear other people's thoughts on a deeper level like you just did. That would be sweet if you kept helping me out and sharing your thoughts, good or bad whatever. I just like to know what people are thinking and if they're catching the things I put in. I mean I'm only going with the flow, but I am still doing some planning and building. I dunno what I'm saying. I still like hearing thoughts though!
Just a note: Adelaide's father wasn't the one talking to her in the shower. He had already left the house at that time. I think that's what you thought? Not sure if I misunderstood you. She's talking to herself (or a delusion is talking to her, rather). I'm confused. lol Clarifying that just in case. I purposely create ambiguous or confusing situations like that (like prologue), but if they lead to misunderstandings that I DON'T want, I may have to be more clear in revision.
And don't mind my ellipses. I know I'm not using them properly, but I'm not going to. I don't like seeing ". . ." and ". . . ." I keep it simple for myself. I see the "..." and I'll know later to fix it. It's missing or wrong words I'm worried about. I don't always catch those.
Hm what else... I hope you keep reading and commenting. I really appreciate some thoughts on my thoughts. I know what I think about my entries, but I don't know what's on my reader's minds! It's important to me and very helpful in planning for going back and redoing/revising chapters (much later). I realize a lot is unclear and missing at this point. I'm thinking a lot of it up as I go. A lot of details will come in eventually. A lot of things will eventually be explained (I hope). If not, it's helpful to know WHAT I'm missing for when I rewrite it. It's just a rough, newborn story right now!
Okay enough rambling. I'm gonna write ch7 now. Thanks again Kajiti.
Oh, and I totally agree with the Harlow thing. I wish I hadn't revealed he's the one in the prologue, but it just came out. I have a lot of things planned already, and it's hard to not say anything about them. Obviously it wouldn't be known if not for my interaction and blabbing. I hope it doesn't ruin the character for you. It's only like foreshadowing on top of my foreshadowing. lol
Glad I could help =) I had a big gripe about people not being incredibly open about criticism when asked as part of a larger audience. Usually you have to ask people directly to get good specifics.
I personally find that the best part of reading is catching these specific "elements" of writing: the writer successfully gets the readers to go through one train of thought, usually along the lines of the characters and openly presented stuff, then manages to swing the story to make it more incredible than it really ought to have been in hindsight. And just because the readers were distracted about the other thoughts! I guess a typical example of this comes from two people dueling each other, and one person appears to have the advantage, unless the other person discovers his weakness. Person A claims to have a kind of "spell" that causes person B to misjudge distances and fight poorly. But when person B uses his own katana as a ruler to test his theory (unexplained to the audience), he manages to overcome person A's spell. Said spell is actually a visual illusion caused by the alternating color bands on his sleeves. Now had the audience actually thought about the visual illusion before the fight became heated, the victory earned by person B wouldn't be as sweet and majestic.
I don't expect you to explain EVERYTHING right off the bat. If you did that, it would turn into a textbook for your own alternate reality setting, and very few people would actually go through such a textbook.
About the Adelaide note, just ctrl+f for "defiling" and you'll know what I'm talking about. I don't think it had anything to do with the convo with Addy or w/e it was on the phone.
And yeah I hate the MLA convention of ellipses. Stupid spaces >_> But just so long as you're aware of the correct way, I'm cool with that.