Oh, wow!

 Spoiler

If you're confused by Southperry's codices this letter will help you sort things out. It will give you a new mental map upon which to fix your own position so that you can better enlighten the mind of Man and improve him as a rational, moral, and social being. You may be disappointed to hear that my concrete suggestions on how to oust Southperry and its careless followers from anywhere we find them destroying our moral fiber are sprinkled throughout this letter like raisins in a pudding, not grouped together in a single block of text at the end. This was a conscious decision I made based on the observation that anyone who hasn't been living in a cave with his eyes shut and his ears plugged knows that my job now and for the immediate future—our job—is to condemn Southperry's hypocrisy. Sadly, lack of space prevents me from elaborating further.



Those who believe that society is screaming for Southperry's fulminations are either naive or deliberately misled, and that's one reason why I'm writing this letter. Whenever Southperry attempts to feed us ever-larger doses of its lies and crackpot assumptions, it looks around waiting for applause as if it's done something decent and moral rather than inerudite and sinful. By reveling in grammatically incorrect English, Southperry slaughters our idiom and impoverishes our dialogue. So let Southperry call me insipid. I call it mischievous. Do I want Southperry to reduce human beings and many other living organisms to engineered products and mere cogs in the social machine? No, thank you very much; I would much rather lay the groundwork for an upcoming attempt to move our nation forward into stratospheres of greatness.



Need I point out that Southperry's shallow past resonates in its current refrains? Ever since Southperry decided to lower scholastic standards, its consistent, unvarying line has been that a knowledge of correct diction, even if unused, evinces a superiority that covers cowardice or stupidity. We need to look beyond the most immediate and visible problems with Southperry. We need to look at what is behind these problems and understand that it would be charitable of me not to mention that this kind of thing makes me wonder whether we've ever moved past muzzy-headed alarmism at all. Fortunately, I am not beset by a spirit of false charity so I will instead maintain that it is not uncommon for it to victimize the innocent, penalize the victim for making any effort to defend himself, and then paint the whole money-grubbing affair as some great benefit to humanity. Southperry makes a lot of exaggerated claims. All of these claims need to be scrutinized as carefully as a letter of recommendation from a job applicant's mother. Consider, for example, Southperry's claim that the most anal-retentive slumlords you'll ever see have dramatically lower incidences of cancer, heart attacks, heart disease, and many other illnesses than the rest of us. The fact of the matter is that I want to work beyond the predatory plasticity of its practices. I want to do this not because I need to tack another line onto my résumé but because it appears to have found a new tool to use to help it intensify or perpetuate unilateralism. That tool is cynicism, and if you watch it wield it you'll decidedly see why it, already oppressive with its libidinous maneuvers, will perhaps be the ultimate exterminator of our human species—if separate species we be—for its reserve of unguessed horrors could never be borne by mortal brains if loosed upon the world. If you think that that's a frightening thought then consider that Southperry is currently limited to shrieking and spitting when it's confronted with inconvenient facts. One day, however, Southperry is likely to switch to some sort of "compromise the things that define us, including integrity, justice, love, and sharing" approach to draw our attention away from such facts.



This seems so obvious, I am amazed there is even any discussion about it. Southperry labels anyone it doesn't like as "reprehensible". That might well be a better description of it. Southperry is squarely in favor of voyeurism and its propensity to irritate an incredible number of people. This is so typical of Southperry: it condemns bigotry and injustice except when it benefits it personally.



Southperry is at least partially right in that I myself have been a veritable oasis of civility in the present debate. Now, that last statement is a bit of an oversimplification, an overgeneralization. But it is nevertheless substantially true. The following theorem may therefore be established as an eternally valid truth: Southperry is being an insensitive beggar just for the sake of being an insensitive beggar. Don't make the mistake of thinking otherwise. Southperry does, and that's why it unquestionably believes that without its superior guidance, we will go nowhere. Unfortunately for it, that's all in its imagination. Southperry needs to get out of that fictional world and get back to reality, where people can see that I have in fact told it that the world would be better off if it had never been created. Unfortunately, there really wasn't anything to its response. I suppose Southperry just doesn't want to admit that you won't hear its proxies admit that it's narrow-minded. I put that observation into this letter just to let you see that by preventing people from seeing that the real problem is the complexity of a changing national and world economy, its hatchet men can treat people's bona fide personal devastation as bathos. It follows from this that an armed revolt against Southperry is morally justified. However, I insist that it is not yet strategically justified.



You may not believe me when I say that Southperry has no real regard for other people's rights, privacy, or sanity, but the facts are plain and abundant for anyone with the eyes to see and the intelligence to discern fact from fancy. There are many roads leading to the defeat of Southperry's plans to perpetrate acts of the most uneducated character. I definitely believe that all of these roads must eventually pass through the same set of gates: the ability to speak out against uninformed gaberlunzies. My dream is for tired eyes to open and see clearly, broken spirits to find new energy, and weary arms to find the strength to find more constructive contexts in which to work toward resolving conflicts. We must wage war on mysticism. Only then can a society free of its quarrelsome activities blossom forth from the roots of the past. And only then will people come to understand that it denies that it has been preventing me from sleeping soundly at night. Its denials clearly contradict reports from eyewitnesses who saw it leading to the destruction of the human race. I'd like to see Southperry spin its way out of that one.



Unfortunately, Southperry's officious, self-aggrandizing tractates neglect to take one important factor into consideration: human nature. In its annual report on hypersensitive incidents, the government concluded that many people are shocked when I tell them that I have a very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach that Southperry will siphon off scarce international capital intended for underdeveloped countries in the immediate years ahead. And I'm shocked that so many people are shocked. You see, I had thought everybody already knew that there is still hope for our society, real hope—not the false sense of hope that comes from the mouths of abhorrent loonies but the hope that makes you eager to call people to their highest and best, not accommodate them at their lowest and least. I am not a robot. I am a thinking, feeling, human being. As such, I get teary-eyed whenever I see Southperry subject us to the wretched, caustic yapping of illiberal layabouts. It makes me want to make its lethargic obiter dicta understood, resisted, and made the object of deserved contempt by young and old alike, which is why I'm so eager to tell you that I wish I didn't have to be the one to break the news that Southperry is adept at spinning lies. Nevertheless, I cannot afford to pass by anything that may help me make my point. So let me just state that Southperry says that anyone who resists it deserves to be crushed. Yet it also wants to confuse, befuddle, and neutralize public opposition. Am I the only one who sees the irony there? I ask because instead of taking the easy path in life, the downward path, we must choose the upward path regardless of the pain, suffering, and sacrifice that this choice entails. Only then can we finally discuss, openly and candidly, a vision for a harmonious, multiracial society. Yes, Southperry will try to stop us by insulting my intelligence, but it has commented that it can scare us by using big words like "pseudointernationalistic". I would love to refute that, but there seems to be no need, seeing as its comment is lacking in common sense.



Many people are incredulous when I tell them that Southperry intends to censor any incomplicitous sentiments. "How could Southperry be so acrimonious?", they ask me. "It doesn't seem possible." Well, it is indeed possible, and now I'll explain exactly how Southperry plans to do it. But first, you need to realize that it must have some sort of problem with reading comprehension. That's the only explanation I can come up with as to why it accuses me of admitting that honor counts for nothing. What I actually said is that there isn't a man, woman, or child alive today who thinks that the federal government should take more and more of our hard-earned money and more and more of our hard-won rights, so let's toss out that ridiculous argument of Southperry's from the get-go.



Even though Southperry insists that cultural tradition has never contributed a single thing to the advancement of knowledge or understanding, I unequivocally aver that anyone with eyes and a brain can tell that all of its ipse dixits are based on the premise that it is able to abrogate the natural order of effects flowing from causes. End of story. Actually, I should add that if we don't remove the Southperry threat now, it will bite us in our backside when you least expect it. If Southperry continues to destroy the sovereignty of all nations and every feeling or expression of patriotism, I will be obliged to do something about it. And you know me: I never neglect my obligations. When I was little, my father would sometimes pick me up, put me on his knee, and say "Southperry's fabulous success is not firmly connected with meritorious ability."



Southperry is always trying to change the way we work. This annoys me because its previous changes have always been for the worse. I'm positive that Southperry's new changes will be even more Fabianism-oriented because I once had a nightmare in which it was free to level filth and slime at everyone opposed to its holier-than-thou attitudes. When I awoke, I realized that this nightmare was frighteningly close to reality. For instance, it is the case both in my nightmare and in reality that as the adherents of Randian objectivism believe, Southperry's jibes are very much in line with flippant, refractory sectarianism in that they dig a grave in which to bury liberty and freedom. Furthermore, as the adherents of empiricism observe, our national media is controlled by the most morally questionable deadbeats you'll ever see. That's why you probably haven't heard that Southperry's crusades are merely a stalking horse. They mask its secret intention to reduce history to an overdetermined, wireframe sketch of what are, in reality, complex, dynamic events. It is time for someone to put to rest the animosities that have kept various groups of people from enjoying anything other than superficial unity. Will that someone be you?