You Let The Vampires In

I actually liked the fast pace. It made it more exciting and I can really see the rapid final deterioration of his mind. That said, I thought some things, especially the walls, really needed the extra details you couldn't put in. For example,

The walls are all around me. No! Why are they so close? I stare at the lifeless body beneath me. She doesn’t look so beautiful anymore… Her lips quiver and slowly form in to a new smile. No. It can’t be. Why is she still alive? Why won’t she stop laughing? Stop it! The walls cave in, and I scream.

While this is good overall, I didn't think the walls didn't really had the impact I imagined from the other thread. The way you used it, I felt it should have been repeated a few times and become a recurring theme. Right now, it seems more like an isolated detail and so, the very end with the reference to the walls felt much weaker than it can be.

My favorite part was the relationship between Jerry and Donna. Really well done. I also liked the dream with Donna and it tricked me into thinking it was real for a few moments. I was thinking, "but this doesn't make sense!" and then I realized it was a dream.