2009-10-12, 02:13 AM
In recent years, Colony Collapse Syndrome has largely affected European Bee colonies across the world. Apiologists worldwide are confused at the sudden collapse of thousands of beehives. However, Apiologists in their apiologist ways never look at the most obvious culprit - MICASA.
MICASA, or Migration of Insects by Chinchilla American Space Authorities, an interest group owned by CASA, is increasingly concerned about the overworked bee population. Bees are consistently shipped all across the world to pollinate flowers, maple trees, and other such trivial plants. When the King Chinchilla (CASA's name for a "chairperson") was contacted for an interview, he gladly obliged.
King Chinchilla: "Stealing bees and faking a syndrome?" *chuckles* "We're not interested in stealing bees. We're concerned about the welfare of these bees."
Myself: "Why do these bees concern you?"
KC: "Nuts."
Myself: "Excuse me?"
KC: "Too many bees are fruitfully wasted. These bees need to spend more time on, for example, the cashew tree. Better allocation of our resources is required for an ever diversification of our planet, and it's time for chinchillas to have a say in how these bees are used."
Myself: "So how does MICASA work?"
KC: "CASA is a wonderful organization specifically for the treatment of bees in outer space. You see, Bees need to exist in outer space so they can eventually pollinate legumes on other planets when space colonization will eventually be required. We want to be ready to bring our precious legumes with us - we will not leave Earth without them. MICASA is a fast track for bees that want to exist outside fruitful waste and instead come to work with us. We transport them to outer space where we conduct tests on them that will allow us to eventually develop ways for bees to live on other planets. So far we've developed an interstellar space suit specifically for the European Bee."
Myself: "So about this orbital bee..."
KC: "Cannon? A farce. There is no such thing. We do have an orbiting space platform that we use to conduct our research on the welfare of bees in space. But by all means there is a can... erm, there is no cannon attached to it. Excuse me."
Myself: "Meteorologists have been concerned with certain ejections from this platform toward Earth. Do you have any comment on this?"
KC: "Meteorites. You'd think Meteorologists would have studied Meteorites."
Myself: "So your platform ejects meteorites toward Earth?"
KC: *Nervous laughter* "No, no, heavens no. There are no ejections. I must be going now..."
Mr. Chinchilla scampered away from the interview and I could ask no further questions regarding MICASA.
Other theories have arose regarding the recent surge in Colony Collapse Disorder and the existence of MICASA. I contacted the most popular conspiracy theorist regarding this issue, Mr. Don Knotts.
Myself: So, Mr. Knotts, policing chinchillas these days?
Mr. Knotts: Yes, and rightly so. Colony Collapse Disorder is a misnomer. These chinchillas from MICASA actually steal these bees and transport them to outer space.
Myself: Really now... How do they manage that?
Mr. Knotts: It's one thing to develop an orbital platform, but if you look at their cooked books and read between the lines you'll notice something much more sinister. They've spent two billion dollars on firework research. Now you tell me - what do fireworks have to do with bees?
Myself: Hmmm... I'm not seeing the connection.
Mr. Knotts: But I do. You see, back in the days when black folk were better known for being from Africa they were told of a better world across the ocean they had never seen. It wasn't until these men got on the Amistad that they realized they'd been had. They were transported on tight ships over to England where they were put into forced labor and servitude. It's no different for these bees.
Myself: How so?
Mr. Knotts: These bees are told of a better life where they don't have to work for their owners - beekeepers. It isn't until thousands of bees are packed into tight rockets until they realize they'd been had. They are transported on these rockets to the orbital platform where they are put into forced labor and servitude. This Colony Collapse Disorder is a falsity spread by CASA. MICASA steals these bees, launches them into space on rockets into an orbit, and then the rocket docks with their platform. Using rockets allows them to send bees into space from anywhere in the world.
Myself: Really now... and what's the purpose for docking with their platform?
Mr. Knotts: Nuts.
Myself: Excuse me?
Mr. Knotts: The orbital bee cannon fires these bees through Earth's atmosphere to South America. Since legumes are used throughout every local cuisine in the world, it allows CASA to have a say in the way the world consumes nuts. Remember how terribly the Oil-For-Nuts program went during the Clinton administration?
Myself: Yes, now that was a debacle.
Mr. Knotts: CASA was all behind it. You see, they didn't develop these interstellar space suits for bees just because they're concerned about space travel. Oh no. They want to shoot these bees through space into forced labor.
Who is to say? Does Mr. Knotts have his facts straight, or perhaps CASA really is interested in interstellar space travel for bees on other planets?
MICASA, or Migration of Insects by Chinchilla American Space Authorities, an interest group owned by CASA, is increasingly concerned about the overworked bee population. Bees are consistently shipped all across the world to pollinate flowers, maple trees, and other such trivial plants. When the King Chinchilla (CASA's name for a "chairperson") was contacted for an interview, he gladly obliged.
King Chinchilla: "Stealing bees and faking a syndrome?" *chuckles* "We're not interested in stealing bees. We're concerned about the welfare of these bees."
Myself: "Why do these bees concern you?"
KC: "Nuts."
Myself: "Excuse me?"
KC: "Too many bees are fruitfully wasted. These bees need to spend more time on, for example, the cashew tree. Better allocation of our resources is required for an ever diversification of our planet, and it's time for chinchillas to have a say in how these bees are used."
Myself: "So how does MICASA work?"
KC: "CASA is a wonderful organization specifically for the treatment of bees in outer space. You see, Bees need to exist in outer space so they can eventually pollinate legumes on other planets when space colonization will eventually be required. We want to be ready to bring our precious legumes with us - we will not leave Earth without them. MICASA is a fast track for bees that want to exist outside fruitful waste and instead come to work with us. We transport them to outer space where we conduct tests on them that will allow us to eventually develop ways for bees to live on other planets. So far we've developed an interstellar space suit specifically for the European Bee."
Myself: "So about this orbital bee..."
KC: "Cannon? A farce. There is no such thing. We do have an orbiting space platform that we use to conduct our research on the welfare of bees in space. But by all means there is a can... erm, there is no cannon attached to it. Excuse me."
Myself: "Meteorologists have been concerned with certain ejections from this platform toward Earth. Do you have any comment on this?"
KC: "Meteorites. You'd think Meteorologists would have studied Meteorites."
Myself: "So your platform ejects meteorites toward Earth?"
KC: *Nervous laughter* "No, no, heavens no. There are no ejections. I must be going now..."
Mr. Chinchilla scampered away from the interview and I could ask no further questions regarding MICASA.
Other theories have arose regarding the recent surge in Colony Collapse Disorder and the existence of MICASA. I contacted the most popular conspiracy theorist regarding this issue, Mr. Don Knotts.
Myself: So, Mr. Knotts, policing chinchillas these days?
Mr. Knotts: Yes, and rightly so. Colony Collapse Disorder is a misnomer. These chinchillas from MICASA actually steal these bees and transport them to outer space.
Myself: Really now... How do they manage that?
Mr. Knotts: It's one thing to develop an orbital platform, but if you look at their cooked books and read between the lines you'll notice something much more sinister. They've spent two billion dollars on firework research. Now you tell me - what do fireworks have to do with bees?
Myself: Hmmm... I'm not seeing the connection.
Mr. Knotts: But I do. You see, back in the days when black folk were better known for being from Africa they were told of a better world across the ocean they had never seen. It wasn't until these men got on the Amistad that they realized they'd been had. They were transported on tight ships over to England where they were put into forced labor and servitude. It's no different for these bees.
Myself: How so?
Mr. Knotts: These bees are told of a better life where they don't have to work for their owners - beekeepers. It isn't until thousands of bees are packed into tight rockets until they realize they'd been had. They are transported on these rockets to the orbital platform where they are put into forced labor and servitude. This Colony Collapse Disorder is a falsity spread by CASA. MICASA steals these bees, launches them into space on rockets into an orbit, and then the rocket docks with their platform. Using rockets allows them to send bees into space from anywhere in the world.
Myself: Really now... and what's the purpose for docking with their platform?
Mr. Knotts: Nuts.
Myself: Excuse me?
Mr. Knotts: The orbital bee cannon fires these bees through Earth's atmosphere to South America. Since legumes are used throughout every local cuisine in the world, it allows CASA to have a say in the way the world consumes nuts. Remember how terribly the Oil-For-Nuts program went during the Clinton administration?
Myself: Yes, now that was a debacle.
Mr. Knotts: CASA was all behind it. You see, they didn't develop these interstellar space suits for bees just because they're concerned about space travel. Oh no. They want to shoot these bees through space into forced labor.
Who is to say? Does Mr. Knotts have his facts straight, or perhaps CASA really is interested in interstellar space travel for bees on other planets?