If there was a scale to measure epic...

Don't you know? Old things -- that is, tradition -- are the bedrock of humanity. By watching really old and outdated videos, you feel a part of a speshul ancient tradition, such as Vanilla Ice or the Backstreet Boys.

I don't understand the internet. I recently had my grandson wire up my computer and have just updated to AOL 8.0. That's right. 8.0. You bitches bow down to my awesome connection. I'm blazing through Craiglist like a boss.

I'm old. Does that make me tradition?