2009-09-09, 10:29 PM
1. No laptops! Kids can sneak these into their bedrooms for late-night play. Instead, get a heavy desktop computer and set it up with the screen facing outward in your family room. That way you can monitor you childs computer use (homework!) at all times without interrupting your television viewing.
2. When youre not at home, unplug the power cord to your computer and hide the mouse. You can always put it in one of your sock drawers. This is a great way to make sure no video games are played when youre not around.
3. Be honest with your boys and tell them theyll grow up as failures if they dont excel at sports. Make them go outdoors! Lock them out if necessary. On birthdays and Christmas, buy them sports gifts. Every kid enjoys a new baseball mitt or a football! (Id avoid skateboards, however, there is too much drug use and anti-social behavior connected with it.) And when theyre 16, its time to consider the appropriate muscle car for your boy.
4. Have a private talk with your childs friends (maybe when you accidentally lock your own kid outside) and ask them some of my video game slang trick questions: What level paladin are you these days, buddy? Gosh, this town is nothing like Vice City, isnt it? or Did you lose your Wee? I found one in the station wagon. If they answer with any knowledge whatsoever of these terms, you have a secret gamer on your hands. Beware!
5. Be concerned about the physical shape of our young people. You dont even need to be a parent to do this. Watch them run and throw and jump. Encourage them to lift weights. With a handsome firm body, you dont need an afternoon of sweaty wrestling with a soccer ball as an excuse to celebrate the beauty that our Creator endowed us with. Remind them that jocks can tan themselves shirtless anytime! There is just something so wonderfully wholesome about Americas strong and cocky high school jocks. The pale and pimply loners in black t-shirts too afraid to shower in the locker rooms will never be able to compete with that!
2. When youre not at home, unplug the power cord to your computer and hide the mouse. You can always put it in one of your sock drawers. This is a great way to make sure no video games are played when youre not around.
3. Be honest with your boys and tell them theyll grow up as failures if they dont excel at sports. Make them go outdoors! Lock them out if necessary. On birthdays and Christmas, buy them sports gifts. Every kid enjoys a new baseball mitt or a football! (Id avoid skateboards, however, there is too much drug use and anti-social behavior connected with it.) And when theyre 16, its time to consider the appropriate muscle car for your boy.
4. Have a private talk with your childs friends (maybe when you accidentally lock your own kid outside) and ask them some of my video game slang trick questions: What level paladin are you these days, buddy? Gosh, this town is nothing like Vice City, isnt it? or Did you lose your Wee? I found one in the station wagon. If they answer with any knowledge whatsoever of these terms, you have a secret gamer on your hands. Beware!
5. Be concerned about the physical shape of our young people. You dont even need to be a parent to do this. Watch them run and throw and jump. Encourage them to lift weights. With a handsome firm body, you dont need an afternoon of sweaty wrestling with a soccer ball as an excuse to celebrate the beauty that our Creator endowed us with. Remind them that jocks can tan themselves shirtless anytime! There is just something so wonderfully wholesome about Americas strong and cocky high school jocks. The pale and pimply loners in black t-shirts too afraid to shower in the locker rooms will never be able to compete with that!