Maplers are obese, gay, suicidal, and unemployed.

Don't you get it, Mario is a gateway game to games like GTA, just like marijuana is a gateway drug to cocaine and heroin. If you play Mario, you will become an immoral bad person, and it's only a matter of time till you rob a liquor store and kill the clerk... because of Mario.

I would have taken the article a little serious if they hadn't mentioned Mario in it