The adventures of Bob

Bob is a slender man with a large, round head. Some people have referred to him as having a stick-like build.

[color="#cc8899"]Puce will be me talking, and not part of the story. If you've ever read/played MSPaintAdventures, you'll know how this works - you suggest an action to take (Look around room, pick up ___, etc) and I take the most interesting, most boring, or, really, whatever option I want (or a completely different one, if people are TOO illogical) and advance the story. So...

Suggest an action.

Oh, and all updates will be added as spoilers on the first page as well as in the thread itself. Hopefully this doesn't just end in epic fail [/COLOR]

 Spoiler

[COLOR="Blue"]Bob should do some weight lifting to get rid of the stick person references.
[/COLOR]Bob looks around, but sees no weights. A stick person he shall remain. Besides, he has no hands to lift weights with anyway.

 Spoiler

Bob should use his slim physique to get some ladies
Bob looks around, but sees no ladies. He does, however, see his assistant, Tom, a rather bland looking man of 20 years. He doesn't particularly care for the man, but he does a damned good job of...whatever it is he does. It isn't important, afterall, Tom's only an assistant, and his job is solely defined by whatever Bob does. He also sees 4 walls, 2 windows (one on the north wall, one on the west. Tom is near the west window, as is a potted plant. Probably a ficus). There is a door on the south wall, and a desk on the east wall, covered in papers, pens, and various office supplies. A red stapler swiped from a hapless co-worker sits happily (as happily as a stapler can sit) on a box of cigars.

 Spoiler

Bob should go steal the red Swingline stapler then use it in his mouth to staple Tom in the head. Following this Bob should relieve himself on the ficus. Damn you ficus'
Bob already stole the stapler, hence it sitting happily on the cigars. He puts it in his pocket, which can inexplicably hold large items, not wanting to incapacitate his useful assistant. The ficus calls to him, but before he can relieve himself, a phone rings.

 Spoiler

Bob must answer the phone but relieve himself at the same time as both actions are necessary at once
Bob pisses his pants as he races to answer the phone. Wait, what phone? There's no phone in his office, and his cell phone is in his car. The stapler, by the way, is no longer happy, and is now quite distressed at its moist new environment.

 Spoiler

Bob must immediately assault Tom for using his assisstant powers to make phones ring but having them be nonexistant. He is to blame for the stapler's shame
As Bob turns to assault Tom, Tom pulls a cellphone from his pocket and answers it. He begins talking in his boring, office assistant manner. How droll - it completely saps Bob's anger, preventing the damaging of the young man. It's lucky, because fighting in piss-soaked pants just feels...wrong. Running is much more natural.

 Spoiler

Time for Bob to go for a little run but he must first grab a cigar and light it in order to distract people from the lovely piss stains. However, Bob must be careful to avoid running into strong winds as they might blow his stick figure away
Bob looks for a lighter, but doesn't see one. He certainly doesn't want to reach into his pocket to get one. He starts running in circles around the office, dripping piss everywhere he goes. As he runs, the stapler is jostled around, until it shifts enough to open, and is pressed against his leg. Bob yelps in pain as the stapler gets its revenge, burying cold, piss-soaked steel into his leg.
He should probably get that checked out.

 Spoiler

Bob should get his leg checked out, but first, take off the pants. He SHOULD have underwear on.
Bob removes his pants, unabashed in front of his assistant Tom. He is wearing British Flag undies, in the manner of his hero, Austin Powers. He examines his leg and sees that the staple wasn't embedded in his leg - he's much too skinny for that. It had instead closed around it, cutting off circulation. He thanks the stapler for this cool new fashion statement, but pries it loose. Bob is now carrying a pair of piss soaked pants and a bent staple.

 Spoiler

Throw the pants at Tom
Bob hurls his soggy pants at Tom, and the thoroughly distressed stapler falls from the pocket in a state of dazed confusion. Bob recalls his freshman days in high school, and a particularly cruel paddle...
Tom's phone is shorted out by the damp cloth, and his call disconnected. Bob decides to use the bent staple to make a turban for Tom out of the soggy pants. Tom looks quite stylish. The stapler lays miserably on the floor with a few drops of urine nearby. It would shudder in the manner of a beaten dog, but staplers can't shudder. Duh.

 Spoiler

Bob should spend countless days and weeks teaching the stapler how to shudder even though it will probably end in an epik faillor.
Bob contemplates unimaginable horrors with which to instill shudder-inspiring fear in the stapler, but, being unimaginable, he comes up with nothing. Instead, he simply kicks it. In retaliation, it leaves a small bruise on Bob's toe. Next time, make sure you're wearing shoes when you kick a piece of angry and humiliated red steel.

 Spoiler

Bob should go drop the stapler out the west window on to the many people below.
Bob thinks of punishing the stapler by dangling it outside the window, ala Michael Jackson, then cruelly dropping it, but decides against picking it up and getting piss on his hands.