Greetings, dearest Southperry

Sweet Southperry, hello again, this is President Cardinell. I’d like to have a chat. When I was a child, growing up in rural Kentucky, I had the best friend a boy could hope for. My dear old dog, Honey. Oh ho ho, the adventures we had. From Knob Creek to Hodgenville we roamed, carefree and courageous. Irresponsible, and completely inseparable. It was, for a little boy, the perfect existence. So, let me ask you, Southperry; How many of your children can say the same? How many of this forum's youth are truly happy, truly carefree? Well, we both know the answer, don’t we? None. Southperry’s children live in a terrifying, meaningless existence. There is no hope, no happiness. That changes, right here, right now! From this moment onward, the children of this great forum are its highest priority. The Funhouse will restore every Southperrian school, reinstate every youth program, and offer counseling and financial assistance to any family in need. We will match up the destitute orphan children of Southperry with qualified, eligible adults. We will rebuild the Funhouse family. As it was, as it was meant to be. The values of our past shall be the foundation of our future. We’ve got to part now, you and I, but don’t be sad America. The Perry is working tirelessly, to rebuild this great forum, so you don’t have to. Until we meet again, this is President Cardinell, signing off.