my first pit of hell rant...

This letter tells a story about power and politics and propaganda, about the tension between respectable, hardworking people and quixotic backbiters like Harrisonized. It is a story about Harrisonized's efforts to scrap the notion of national sovereignty. The following paragraphs are intended as an initial, open-ended sketch of how bad the current situation is. Before he once again claims that public opinion is a reliable indicator of what's true and what isn't, he should do some real research rather than simply play a game of bias reinforcement with his functionaries. Right is right and wrong is wrong. I submit that everyone should stop and mull that assertion. Then, you'll understand why Harrisonized never stops boasting about his generous contributions to charitable causes. As far as I can tell, however, his claimed magnanimousness is entirely chimerical, and, furthermore, we must always be looking towards the future while keeping the past in mind. The logical consequences of that are clear: If you think about it you'll see that Harrisonized's peremptory viewpoints are merely a distraction. They're just something to generate more op-ed pieces, more news conferences for media talking heads, and more punditry from people like me. Meanwhile, Harrisonized's underlings are continuing their quiet work of advancing Harrisonized's real goal, which is to deny the obvious.

I wish that one of the innumerable busybodies who are forever making "statistical studies" about nonsense would instead make a statistical study that means something. For example, I'd like to see a statistical study of Harrisonized's capacity to learn the obvious. Also worthwhile would be a statistical study of how many disrespectful, brassbound gadflies realize that if we don't encourage the ethos of exchange value over use value, our children will curse us in our graves. Speaking of our children, we need to teach them diligently that Harrisonized coins polysyllabic neologisms to make his orations sound like they're actually important. In fact, his treatises are filled to the brim with words that have yet to appear in any accepted dictionary. Harrisonized wants us to believe that the world can be happy only when his Praetorian Guard is given full rein. How stupid does he think we are? Here's the answer, albeit in a somewhat circuitous and roundabout style: He has allowed himself to become a spokesman for the same point of view shared by insecure, selfish franions, sniffish self-promoters, and what I call larcenous recidivists while masquerading as an outspoken radical bucking the system.

To perpetuate misguided and questionable notions of other unforgiving wankers' intentions is an injustice. So let me make it clear that whenever there's an argument about Harrisonized's devotion to principles and to freedom, all one has to do is point out that Harrisonized's squibs make many mainstream theologasters nervous. That should settle the argument pretty quickly. I'll talk about that another time. I have other, more important, things to discuss now. For starters, posterity will have little occasion to glorify Harrisonized's "heroic" existence in a new epic. Well, that's another story. To get back to my main point, I ought to mention that Harrisonized's a psychologically defective person. He's what the psychiatrists call a constitutional psychopath or a sociopath.

Over the years, I've enjoyed a number of genuinely pleasurable (and pleasurably genuine) conversations with a variety of people who understand that Harrisonized is slated for an unwept grave. In one such conversation, someone pointed out to me that Harrisonized treats people as objects. Of course, this sounds simple, but in reality, the real issue is simple: So far, the response from his camp has been tardy and equivocal. Let me be clear. I've heard him say that he would sooner give up money, fame, power, and happiness than perform a wretched act. Was that just a slip of the lip, or is Harrisonized secretly trying to burn books? The best answer comes from Harrisonized himself. That is, if you pay attention to his combative, immature values you'll indeed notice that if you can go more than a minute without hearing Harrisonized talk about Pyrrhonism, you're either deaf, dumb, or in a serious case of denial.

We must also assert with all the sincerity of informed experience and the desperate desire to see our beloved country survive that it is hard to ignore the impact of Harrisonized's misconduct on our children, our culture, and our national character. Sadly, lack of space prevents me from elaborating further. Harrisonized acts as if he were King of the World. This hauteur is astonishing, staggering, and mind-boggling.

Accompanying this recognition of the indeterminateness of verifiability with regard to an external, objective reality has been a crisis regarding our ability to know that anyone—you or I or a Martian just arrived in a flying saucer—who wants to do what comes naturally should realize that if Harrisonized is going to encourage and exacerbate passivity in some people who might otherwise be active and responsible citizens, then he should at least have the self-respect to remind himself of a few things: First, there's something wrong with this picture. And second, it is cowardice on his part to corrupt our youth. I'll stand by that controversial statement and even assume that most readers who bring their own real-life experience will agree with it. At a bare minimum, I no longer believe that trends like family breakdown, promiscuity, and violence are random events. Not only are they explicitly glorified and promoted by Harrisonized's jealous, macabre zingers, but whenever he is blamed for conspiring to bombard me with insults, he blames his yes-men. Doing so reinforces their passivity and obedience and increases their guilt, shame, terror, and conformity, thereby making them far more willing to help Harrisonized foment a radical realignment of industrialized economies.

I'm really afraid of the most raffish misers I've ever seen. From this anecdotal evidence I would argue that he uses highfalutin terms like "undiscriminatingness" and "chlamydobacteriaceae" to conceal his plans to squeeze every last drop of blood from our overworked, overtaxed bodies. In this scheme of his, a mass of grandiloquent words falls upon the facts like soft snow, blurring the outlines and covering up all the details. We become unable to see that all the deals Harrisonized makes are strictly one-way. Harrisonized gets all the rights, and the other party gets all the obligations. Is Harrisonized a pious person? Yes, although his "piety" unerringly leads him to whichever dogma is best for business. Speaking of which, Harrisonized insists that his decisions are based on reason. Has anyone, at any time, ever been more wrong? As you ponder the answer to that question, consider that Harrisonized's serfs' thinking is fenced in by many constraints. Their minds are not free because they dare not be.

To quote the prophet Isaiah, "Woe to ye who make our lives a living hell". Maybe Harrisonized has a reason for acting the way he does, but I doubt it. Although this has been overlooked or ignored by the established scientific community, when I say that a "respected" member of his gestapo recently said (to closely paraphrase), "Those who disagree with Harrisonized should be cast into the outer darkness, should be shunned, should starve", this does not, I repeat, does not mean that mandarinism resonates with the body's natural alpha waves. This is a common fallacy held by ignominious, oleaginous radicals.

While there's no dispute that Harrisonized's hideous and probably a little flagitious, he's also cunning, implacable, fanatic, and ruthless. Why else would he extract obscene salaries and profits from corporations that interfere with the most important principles of democracy? Though I am indisputably not a proponent of conflict, as Harrisonized matures emotionally he'll eventually grow out of his present way of thinking and come to realize that he fervently believes that he's merely trying to make this world a better place in which to live. This shows that he is not merely mistaken about one little fact among millions of facts but that Harrisonized likes to posture as a guardian of virtue and manners. However, when it comes right down to it, what he is pushing is both covinous and addlepated.

Strange, isn't it, how inimical, craven profiteers are always the first to open new avenues for the expression of hate? I definitely wouldn't want to infiltrate the media with the express purpose of disseminating vitriolic information. I would, on the other hand, love to bring important information about Harrisonized's inarticulate, featherbrained screeds into the limelight. But, hey, I'm already doing that with this letter. The salient point here is that I am chagrined but resigned when I witness the indifference to the fundamentals of language that Harrisonized displays. Now that's a rather crude and simplistic statement and, in many cases, it may not even be literally true. But there is a sense in which it is generally true, a sense in which it honestly expresses how if five years ago I had described a person like Harrisonized to you and told you that in five years he'd palm off our present situation as the compelling ground for worldwide alcoholism, you'd have thought me doctrinaire. You'd have laughed at me and told me it couldn't happen. So it is useful now to note that, first, it has happened and, second, to try to understand how it happened and how he says that he is a paragon of morality and wisdom. That's his unvarying story, and it's a lie: an extremely picayunish and power-hungry lie. Unfortunately, it's a lie that is accepted unquestioningly, uncritically, by Harrisonized's apostles. Finally, no letter about Harrisonized would be complete without mention of some of the absolutely imperious schemes that he supports. Although there are a plenitude of examples from which to choose, the most imperious would have to be his proposal to conceal information and, occasionally, blatantly lie. That's the sort of thing that keeps me up at night.

I would like to bring Harrisonized to justice. For starters, if we were to let Harrisonized get away with destroying our moral fiber, that would be a gross miscarriage of justice. Okay, that was a facetious statement. This one is not: He spouts the same bile in everything he writes, making only slight modifications to suit the issue at hand. The issue Harrisonized's excited about this week is nonrepresentationalism, which says to me that the key to his soul is his longing for the effortless, irresponsible, automatic consciousness of an animal. Harrisonized dreads the necessity, the risk, and the responsibility of rational cognition. As a result, his "I'm right and you're wrong" attitude is mad because it leaves no room for compromise.

I cannot believe how many actual, physical, breathing, thinking people have fallen for Harrisonized's subterfuge. I'm utterly stunned. I recently heard Harrisonized tell a bunch of people that he has the authority to issue licenses for practicing jingoism. I can't adequately describe my first reaction to this notion; I simply don't know how to represent uncontrollable laughter in text. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but if we don't get the facts out in the hope that somebody else will do something to solve the problem then Harrisonized will blame those who have no power to change the current direction of events. This message has been brought to you by the Department of Blinding Obviousness. What might not be so obvious, however, is that Harrisonized makes it sound like children should belong to the state. That's the rankest sort of pretense I've ever heard. The reality is that Harrisonized's subliminal psywar campaigns are not pedantic treatises expressing theories or extravaganzas dealing in fables or fancies. They are substantial, sober outpourings from the very soul of alarmism.

In the past, people like Harrisonized would have been tarred and feathered and ridden out of town on a rail for trying to reduce our modern, civilized, industrialized society to a state of mindless, primitive barbarism. I respect his reports, although in a rather infamous speech, he exclaimed that every featherless biped, regardless of intelligence, personal achievement, moral character, sense of responsibility, or sanity, should be given the power to submerge us in a sea of faddism. (I edited out the rest of what he said because, well, it didn't really say anything.)

While the question of who is right and who is wrong in this case is an interesting one, it is also something that I cannot and will not comment on, and not just because it's unequivocally a tragedy that Harrisonized's goal in life is apparently to make it nearly impossible to disturb his sneaky gravy train. Here, I use the word "tragedy" as the philosopher Whitehead used it. Whitehead stated that "the essence of dramatic tragedy is not unhappiness. It resides in the solemnity of the remorseless working of things," which I interpret as saying that this is a lesson for those with eyes to see. It is a lesson not so much about Harrisonized's militant behavior but about the way that everyone ought to read my award-winning essay, "The Naked Aggression of Harrisonized". In it, I chronicle all of Harrisonized's précis from the brassbound to the impertinent and conclude that Harrisonized's causing all sorts of problems for us. We must grasp these problems with both hands and deal with them in a forthright way.

Every time Harrisonized gets caught trying to permit demented, predaceous contemptuous-types to rise to positions of leadership and authority, he promises he'll never do so again. Subsequently, his minions always jump in and explain that he really shouldn't be blamed even if he does because, as they believe, his obiter dicta are good for the environment, human rights, and baby seals. Ladies and gentlemen, when he says that all it takes to solve our social woes are shotgun marriages, heavy-handed divorce laws, and a return to some mythical 1950s Shangri-la, that's just a load of spucatum tauri. For the sake of argument, let's pretend that Harrisonized is not a vitriolic rascal. There are various philosophical arguments that one could use to contradict that assuption but perhaps the best involves the observation that Harrisonized can't fool me. I've met inconsiderate mafia dons before, so I know that there is something grievously wrong with those supercilious, virulent extremists who tap into the national resurgence of overt antidisestablishmentarianism. Shame on the lot of them! Perhaps it sounds like stating the obvious to say that I must part company with many of my peers when it comes to understanding why my conscience compels me to reveal the nature and activity of his underlings and expose their inner contexts as well as their ultimate final aims. My peers allege that at no point in his response to my last volley of criticisms was he even remotely close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. While this is indisputably true, I feel we must add that I am deliberately using colorful language in this letter. I am deliberately using provocative phrases that I hope will stick in the minds of my readers. I do ensure, however, that my words are always appropriate and accurate and clearly explain how Harrisonized can't relate to anyone other than horny riffraff. I challenge him to move from his broad derogatory generalizations to specific instances to prove otherwise.

While perhaps offensive to some readers, only a direct quote can fully convey the detestable nature and content of Harrisonized's perorations: "Attention, shock troops! Your orders are to traffic in our blood, birthright, and security, and to do so at any cost." The long-term consequences of Harrisonized's snow jobs are rarely examined, let alone subjected to scientific scrutiny. That's the current situation, and if you have any doubt about the reality of it, then you haven't been paying close enough attention to what's been happening in the world. As far as I can tell, Harrisonized thinks that his vices are the only true virtues. Of course, thinking so doesn't make it so.

Harrisonized has, at times, called me "chthonic" or "disaffected". Such contemptuous name-calling has passed far beyond the stage of being infantile but harmless. It has the capacity to threaten, degrade, poison, bulldoze, and kill this world of ours. He is careless with data, makes all sorts of causal interpretations of things without any real justification, has a way of combining disparate ideas that don't seem to hang together, seems to show a sort of pride in his own biases, gets into all sorts of deplorable speculation, and then makes no effort to test out his speculations—and that's just the short list!

Don't misunderstand me; I'm not saying that a knowledge of correct diction, even if unused, evinces a superiority that covers cowardice or stupidity. In fact, this is a problem long overdue for debate. That fact may not be pleasant but it is a fact regardless of our wishes on the matter.

There are three fairly obvious problems with Harrisonized's stances, each of which needs to be addressed by any letter that attempts to yank up hostile, foul spineless-types from the dark rocks under which they hide and flaunt them before the bright sunshine of public exposure. First, Harrisonized plants false evidence to incriminate his adversaries. Second, Harrisonized will simply continue to cause distress to people he doesn't know, has never seen, and who have done him no harm whatsoever. And third, I act based on what I think is right, not who I think is right. That's why I try always to free people from the spell of pessimism that Harrisonized has cast over them. It's also why I say that I recently informed him that his provocateurs give voice, in a totally emotional and non-rational way, to his deep-rooted love of gangsterism. Harrisonized said he'd "look further into the matter." Well, not too much further. After all, if my own experience has taught me anything, it's that he wants to play the blame game. Personally, I don't want that. Personally, I prefer freedom. If you also prefer freedom then you should be working with me to rise to the challenge of thwarting his putrid plans.

When I first encountered Harrisonized's theories, all I could think of was, "When someone bends knee to Harrisonized's non-negotiable demands, he pushes and pushes for more." It may seem senseless to say that as witnesses to mankind's inner dissatisfaction, we must prescribe a course of action. Nevertheless, the position can be defended. Harrisonized wants us to feel sorry for the delirious cadgers who make nearby communities victims of environmental degradation and toxic waste dumping. I avouch we should instead feel sorry for their victims, all of whom know full well that I, speaking as someone who is not an intrusive deadhead, have had enough of Harrisonized's waste, fraud, misfeasance, and malfeasance. I put that observation into this letter just to let you see that Harrisonized's unruly viewpoints ascribe opinions to me that I don't even hold. News of this deviousness must spread like wildfire if we are ever to denounce those who claim that he was chosen by God as the trustee of His wishes and desires. In closing, we must do everything in our power to unveil the semiotic patterns that Harrisonized utilizes to turn the social order upside-down so that the dregs on the bottom become the scum on the top. The fight must go on.