have been highly advised to read your work - hope you are still working on this! 
however i have only read the introduction and (briefly) first chapter. this is a lot of writing! apologies in advance: lack of long attention span means i may not get through all of it anytime soon... hope you will understand.
great start on the intro. sets the scene well. very natural name integration of muggles->"normals" and witch/wizards->"touched" with hints at a history. i sense from the outset that this will take a different stance from the harry potter series in that Galen's is not a "self-discovery" type journey as it is for Harry.
at a brief glance through chapter 1 i notice a nice balance of narrative and dialogue - well done, not an easy thing to pull off. you also manage to get some "important facts" in to establish the greater novel setting, although you also inserted a few "small facts" like the story about the aunt and going through each of your family members' abilities.
in a sense, you have widened the distance between the presentation of your story and the presentation of rowling's because you continue to writing in a report-type style, rather than action (i mean the style, not the subject): long sentences, explanations. yes, things happen at the same time "grinned, knowing what was about to happen" - but they are expressed as extensions of sentences rather than independent actions. this gives the overall impression of someone remembering and reinterpreting the past (such as a journal entry) rather than an immediate series of events that happen to have the -ed ending, a sort of narrative past, which is, i think, closer to rowling's style. would you agree?
(edit: just an observation. not that it should emulate or distance itself from hp but couldn't help noticing)
edit: just realised i had completely omitted feedback. upon cursory glance through your other chapters i wonder if you feel the plot is a bit slow (are you still working on this piece?). it may help to speed events up a little. since i started referring to harry potter, i'll continue: rowling tends to throw in a minor disaster or amusing event when a plot element looks like it's slowing down, to keep the pace interesting. you may also consider shortening the time taken up by less significant events, such as walking down hallways, or introductions, etc - unless of course they are significant later down the line!
as have not read your other chapters am a bit in the dark here
however i have only read the introduction and (briefly) first chapter. this is a lot of writing! apologies in advance: lack of long attention span means i may not get through all of it anytime soon... hope you will understand.great start on the intro. sets the scene well. very natural name integration of muggles->"normals" and witch/wizards->"touched" with hints at a history. i sense from the outset that this will take a different stance from the harry potter series in that Galen's is not a "self-discovery" type journey as it is for Harry.
at a brief glance through chapter 1 i notice a nice balance of narrative and dialogue - well done, not an easy thing to pull off. you also manage to get some "important facts" in to establish the greater novel setting, although you also inserted a few "small facts" like the story about the aunt and going through each of your family members' abilities.
in a sense, you have widened the distance between the presentation of your story and the presentation of rowling's because you continue to writing in a report-type style, rather than action (i mean the style, not the subject): long sentences, explanations. yes, things happen at the same time "grinned, knowing what was about to happen" - but they are expressed as extensions of sentences rather than independent actions. this gives the overall impression of someone remembering and reinterpreting the past (such as a journal entry) rather than an immediate series of events that happen to have the -ed ending, a sort of narrative past, which is, i think, closer to rowling's style. would you agree?
(edit: just an observation. not that it should emulate or distance itself from hp but couldn't help noticing
)edit: just realised i had completely omitted feedback. upon cursory glance through your other chapters i wonder if you feel the plot is a bit slow (are you still working on this piece?). it may help to speed events up a little. since i started referring to harry potter, i'll continue: rowling tends to throw in a minor disaster or amusing event when a plot element looks like it's slowing down, to keep the pace interesting. you may also consider shortening the time taken up by less significant events, such as walking down hallways, or introductions, etc - unless of course they are significant later down the line!
as have not read your other chapters am a bit in the dark here