Dreaming :]

Constructive criticism please?

I like the repetition and rhyming. Repeating gives power to the word repeated, and rhyming makes it "catchy".

Though, I think I would limit myself from capitalizing every first letter and adding all the periods after each line. It's both "annoying" (makes it harder to read and keep focus) and I feel somewhat lost when I get to the end of each sentence. How long should I take a break? Should I take a break?

 Maybe like this? Just an idea~

Laying dreaming about

What we could be,
would be,
and should be

But waking up to reality
of what we won’t be,
can’t be,
and never will be

I’d rather dream
but then
I’d rather be awake,
and know that it will never be
then waking up every morning to this reality

from a wonderful dream

i agree with nikkey and chompy, great suggestion for alternative poem btw. i also like the rhyming and repetition and think there's plenty of direction where tania can improve. as opposed to intractably flawed and cannot be redeemed, which some people seem to think they can simply declare on other people's work these days.

in the meantime southperry's greater powers think a writing board is inappropriate, so i guess we normal users do our non-moderator best to supplement the purpose of a writing board through other means

would take the chance to encourage anyone who wants to post writing to do so where they feel is appropriate