2013-03-26, 02:58 PM
Its a good article... Its definitely more common behavior among guys, i just always found it strange that no one really addresses that females display this same behavior too. Unless i missed it in this article.
I believe a friendzone exists, but a lot of people don't realize that if you 'went for the kill' you probably would have been rejected completely anyway.
then again, I'm not the kind of person dumb enough to truly fall for someone i'm not actually seeing. Then again, my experiences taught me its better not to love someone for who they are, but for how they treat *You*. I've been attracted to friends, but no way in heck am I going to tell myself i need her until i know what she's like as a lover.
That said, think about our culture, we always quick to mention what could influence men to feel entitled. Certain sitcoms are so full of crap when it comes to that: after several seasons, someone starts to think 'wow... maybe he's the one and i've been lying to myself all along' Followed by dramatic gestures.
I'm not the kind of person who believes in just condemning bad behavior, what few people take the time to do is consider the roots of it.
An even -bigger- factor to me is the lack of guidance on the subject of love to men. Families in general might teach women a few things due to a cultural bias, but guys are generally left to figure it all out for themselves. Then, when they screw up, everyone is quick to say 'this is wrong, that is wrong, that's wrong too, that's wrong.' Not to mention a flurry of flames and insults.
When do we stop and take the time to say 'This is right' or 'Have you thought about this?' or 'Lets really talk about these feelings'. Outlets like those are so much rarer for guys, and not many are fortunate to have any family members or friends that are open about such emotional subjects. Guys and feelings? That's considered weird by our culture. I'm glad I braved myself to tell my 2 younger cousins they could talk to me about their feelings over a year ago, and that i wouldn't judge them. Since then: they've let me know that they've opened up to me about things their parents STILL don't know cause they're just not as open.
Often, we take things like that for granted, but think about how many young guys out there don't have someone like that, and how it's affecting their perception of things such as relationships. Left with only their upwardly spiking hormones, a bunch of other guys who only take the time to talk about how good that one girl looks. Seeing couples being cute but having no one to teach them all that went behind it... Maybe the wide spread existence of the "Nice Guy" is due to a lack of knowledge.
Just as a whole, i see a lot of scolding on subjects like these, but where are the teachers? Something our culture also needs. This article specifically, does do better than most, all things considered.
I believe a friendzone exists, but a lot of people don't realize that if you 'went for the kill' you probably would have been rejected completely anyway.
then again, I'm not the kind of person dumb enough to truly fall for someone i'm not actually seeing. Then again, my experiences taught me its better not to love someone for who they are, but for how they treat *You*. I've been attracted to friends, but no way in heck am I going to tell myself i need her until i know what she's like as a lover.
That said, think about our culture, we always quick to mention what could influence men to feel entitled. Certain sitcoms are so full of crap when it comes to that: after several seasons, someone starts to think 'wow... maybe he's the one and i've been lying to myself all along' Followed by dramatic gestures.
I'm not the kind of person who believes in just condemning bad behavior, what few people take the time to do is consider the roots of it.
An even -bigger- factor to me is the lack of guidance on the subject of love to men. Families in general might teach women a few things due to a cultural bias, but guys are generally left to figure it all out for themselves. Then, when they screw up, everyone is quick to say 'this is wrong, that is wrong, that's wrong too, that's wrong.' Not to mention a flurry of flames and insults.
When do we stop and take the time to say 'This is right' or 'Have you thought about this?' or 'Lets really talk about these feelings'. Outlets like those are so much rarer for guys, and not many are fortunate to have any family members or friends that are open about such emotional subjects. Guys and feelings? That's considered weird by our culture. I'm glad I braved myself to tell my 2 younger cousins they could talk to me about their feelings over a year ago, and that i wouldn't judge them. Since then: they've let me know that they've opened up to me about things their parents STILL don't know cause they're just not as open.
Often, we take things like that for granted, but think about how many young guys out there don't have someone like that, and how it's affecting their perception of things such as relationships. Left with only their upwardly spiking hormones, a bunch of other guys who only take the time to talk about how good that one girl looks. Seeing couples being cute but having no one to teach them all that went behind it... Maybe the wide spread existence of the "Nice Guy" is due to a lack of knowledge.
Just as a whole, i see a lot of scolding on subjects like these, but where are the teachers? Something our culture also needs. This article specifically, does do better than most, all things considered.