The Trifecta of Happiness

I read this in a blog post the other day, the entirety of which was decently okay, but this section in particular standing out in my mind:

They say that the trifecta of happiness is comprised of good friendships, a lover, and work. Why does one always seem to be missing from the trifecta? The one missing link is what fuels us, what spawns the success of so many films, music, and books. It’s what keeps us going out and buying stuff and waking up in the morning. Or in some cases, pressing the snooze button.

The post goes on to discuss the specific difficulties and frustrations of trying to achieve this trifecta in ones 20s, questioning whether or not it's something pretty much solely reserved as a reward for those 30+. While that idea is in and of itself interesting, and, well, pretty though-provoking to consider for many of us, being in our 20s, it's the general application of this above section I want to talk about.

Open discussion questions: What does the "trifecta" mean to you in your life? Have you ever achieved the "trifecta," and if so, when, and for how long? Philosophically, what is this "trifecta"? Does it exist? If it does, is the above rhetorical question valid?

 Spoiler

Personal response: I'm curious to see what everyone has to say because I believe this concept of life's "trifecta of happiness" perfectly identifies what I feel are my three determinants and/or regions of happiness, with logic based in social awareness (and a basic reading of this blog post) saying I'm not alone in such feelings. I can definitely go through years of my life and categorize the good and the bad times under their respective heading in the triad, and thus this system of cognizance helps provide awareness and understanding to our pasts, presents, and futures. But, like I said, I'm curious for some other perspectives on the subject.

I like this. I agree with the explanation of the trifecta of happiness, but only with the caveat that "friendship", "love", and "work" are only loosely used. For instance, work might mean a paying job, or more simply something that you can really throw yourself into like volunteering at a charity or working on some hobby project. Something to keep you occupied in the lull I guess. To add another caveat though, I'd like to argue that one can compensate for the other, which leads me to saying that I think I'm pretty close to that trifecta right now myself.

Friendship, I got that down. Love? Well, pass. But my loosely work-defined center of happiness? Well. I just found out two days ago that I got into my dream law school and will finally be moving out of the house @ 21, to go live by myself in Los Angeles coming this August. Am I bummed out about the love part of this happiness triangle? Sure. I was really close to getting that too, but I think I have a sort of self-destructive interest in guys so that bombed pretty quickly. But please, if I had to choose between a boyfriend, and validating the last five or so years of my life by getting into law school? I'd choose law school.

As for how long this'll last... I guess I don't know. I'd imagine probably until May at least. That's when I'll graduate with my bachelor's degree and start looking for apartments to rent. I'm sure, eventually, sometime between then and August when I move, I'll probably be hit with a few sobering realities, but until then, I plan to bask in every moment of my trifecta. ^_^

I have one of the trifecta - good friendships. I'm a lazy student so work isn't a thing for me.

i've told you about the second and pretty much everyone on sp knows what happened there

I should be happy with what I have but I'm not.

But that's part of the point (original blog post linked), Ray. Most everyone is missing a link, and if it takes all three to be happy, then logically without even one you'd be unhappy.

And I can definitely relate. When my ex-boyfriend broke up with me at the end of October, I was devastated. I had lost a link, one I had so deeply, emotionally cherished, and with that loss came the psychological downspiral. Unfortunately my grades, the "professional" determinant of any student's life, per se, had already been sliding up to that point, and so with this upsetting turn of events they, too, were lost in the coming weeks. One link fell because of another, and all I had left were my friends, who are, thankfully, plentiful and amazing. But while I can't complain there, I don't personally feel like I have the facet of "good friendships" fully covered because I don't have anyone in my life I'd consider a "best" friend, a person I share a deep, emotional connection with. There's only one person who's close, but she's most likely leaving the area in less than six months.

Long story short, I had some semblance of 2+ links going before it all shattered, and so yeah, the last two months sucked. But it's 2012 now and I'm rebuilding and reshaping my life, and slowly but surely the outlines of the links are coming in to view. What's hardest about achieving the trifecta in life, I feel, is the time needed for it all, because in our overly interconnected society our senses are constantly bombarded with signs of people enjoying that which we don't have, further fueling our sadness/jealousy/depression/anger/ambition/passions/etc. Some of those emotions are detrimental, while others are beneficial, and while we're all human and don't always follow those emotions that may better our lives, it's important to recognize their existence whenever possible as fuel to both get past whatever was dragging us down and to move forward to that which we're destined to achieve.

I had all three while at was at my university.

I had wonderful friends who LOVED the same subject I did. My two closest friends worked together with me to help everyone we could... so that they might love the math as we did (or alternatively so that they'd be happy that they passed the course).

My work brought me SO much joy. I worked as a tutor from 7pm to 9pm 3 nights a week. My two friends even worked there with me! We would occasionally band together to tackle some really hard math problems certain professors assigned. I also graded homework. This was simple work (only annoying when we spotted obvious cheating) but it helped us to understand what things students had trouble with. This helped us to help people during our tutoring work. There was little more satisfying than seeing so many students leaving tutoring with a smile and glad that they understood what they needed to understand.

Finally, during my junior year, my wife joined me at my university. She would always bring lunch to the Sussman room (math lounge) so that I could eat during the 1 hr break I made sure to have open. Then as I would head back to classes she always made sure things were clean and ready when I got back. We would have a nice dinner before we went together to my tutoring job.

My university years... truly a joyous experience. Even though the math got really hard/stressing... and sometimes my days were really long (9am to 9pm sometimes)... I loved it.




For now... I lack two and I await the day I end up back at a university getting my masters/PhD.

How depressing. I currently have none of them.

It does make sense though. I could definitely see myself being happier with my life if I had the whole trifecta.
I wonder how most people would prioritize these though.

I'm sort of agreeing with this. Though with all 3, you'll definitely be happy, I feel that some can still be happy with 2 of them. For example: Love and Work. I don't think having good friendships are necessary for happiness. Can't speak for that because I love making friends.

The only thing I'd say I have is good friendships. I like meeting new people if we have similar interests, no matter how few or many. It's enjoyable to me. Had a friend visit and hang out with me all the way from Colorado back in November. First time we've even see each other's face but dam did we have a blast. Met some friends in Georgia and, in terms of friendships, I had fun with the few of them.

Lover? HAHAHA. No. I WISH THOUGH! I have an angry dome thread on it and a blog on it. That should be enough evidence of where went. Though, who knows what the future says for me? I do have a few crushes on people (is that terrible??....), and I really hope one of them says something to me.

Work....it's a bit iffy. Yes, I do work, but I'm just a temp associate. Meaning I only have shifts when there's a shortage. I need a real job but I don't know anyone for the life of me that's hiring when I'm not already working. Hell, if I had a full time job (or at least one I can handle), I'd so enjoy it. Used to tutor elementary school students for 4 years and it was the highlight of my day.

I have a couple good friends, but nothing else.

I was always under the impression that a lover sucked the life out of you and made you less happy. At least in every instance I've ever seen, whether it be family, friends, random people on the street...everywhere. I've never seen a relationship that was positive, at least not for very long. Wouldn't really be into that even if my circumstances were different.

Work though...I really want that. I'm getting bored of sitting on my computer all day every day playing crappy f2p MMOs and f5ing forums. Nobody is hiring, so I'm thinking of starting my own business with my dad; we are both sysadmin/netsec trained, so it would work out. And we already fix everyone's PCs anyway, it would just branch us out to people we don't know.

Haven't read the blog, but I have a hard time taking a "trifecta of happiness" that lacks "health" as a major component seriously.

How can you be happy if you're unable to sleep properly, if you wake up every day to pain, if you can't enjoy a meal without first grilling the cook on what's in it, if your body won't cooperate to let you do what you want to do at work, with your lover, or with your friends?

I honestly don't believe this, like not to talk down to anyone but I have the perfect (forme) girlfriend, my best friend of like a decade always has my back and we go out like every week at least once, and my coworkers make my job fun, sure I get some frustrating people but we laugh about it. I still enjoy my job because I help people who need help. Yet by definition of this trifecta, I should be happy, but even then I still have my emo days that I feel like I need to accomplish more, or I realize my lack of interests and hit a self esteem slope.

Although, I am majority happy and I hit that slope maybe once every 4-5 months

Haven't read the blog, but I have a hard time taking a "trifecta of happiness" that lacks "health" as a major component seriously.

How can you be happy if you're unable to sleep properly, if you wake up every day to pain, if you can't enjoy a meal without first grilling the cook on what's in it, if your body won't cooperate to let you do what you want to do at work, with your lover, or with your friends?

EXCELLENT point, and I honestly agree...though because personal health is paramount to life itself, I wouldn't necessarily mix it in with the trio (though incurable, chronic, debilitating conditions provide a solid argument for health's inclusion).

Instead, I'd expand this "trifecta" idea more into the beautiful model that already exists in human psychology, Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.

Long story short, for those who don't know of the theory, (as the Wiki article says): Maslow's hierarchy of needs is often portrayed in the shape of a pyramid, with the largest and most fundamental levels of needs at the bottom, and the need for self-actualization at the top. Said pyramid is reproduced below, and is hopefully self-explanatory, though of course read more in the article if still confused.

 Spoiler

Interestingly enough, in looking at the pyramid after thinking about and discussing this so-called trifecta, it's curious to note that the trifecta is actually split between two levels here, with occupation in the second-to-fundamental tier and the rest only in the middle. The important caveat is this measures relative necessity of these various elements of life, not true value in them with regards to having the "dream" friends, lover, and job, but it's still interesting to point out.

I honestly don't believe this, like not to talk down to anyone but I have the perfect (forme) girlfriend, my best friend of like a decade always has my back and we go out like every week at least once, and my coworkers make my job fun, sure I get some frustrating people but we laugh about it. I still enjoy my job because I help people who need help. Yet by definition of this trifecta, I should be happy, but even then I still have my emo days that I feel like I need to accomplish more, or I realize my lack of interests and hit a self esteem slope.

Although, I am majority happy and I hit that slope maybe once every 4-5 months

Section from the blog post I think might help:

I tried to think of who I knew that had already had the dream relationship and the dream job. I thought real hard and could only come up with one person. She’s only 24 but I bet if you asked her if she “had it all” she would say no. Why? Because “having it all” is a mostly BS concept. The culture that we were raised in have made that an impossible goal. No matter how much success we achieve, people are always going to want what someone else has.

I feel like this is where you are, even with the best friend thrown in the mix. I guess the best way to say this is to explain why I asked about the duration of individual trifectas, for those who feel they've had them: as the famous teaching in Buddhism goes, "nothing is permanent." No one can expect acquire the trifecta at some point in their lives and have it for forever thereafter - a friend might pass away, turbulent problems may arise with a loved one, global economic fluctuations could result in a lay off - and thus I feel it's natural to not always feel like one has the complete trio.

That being said, you've said you do, yet still have moments of "self esteem slopes," which is why I think the above blog quote is important: even when having everything we question whether there's more we can do. It's only natural, and I think the important factor is your concluding sentence, that you only experience this every 4-5 months, and on the whole are happy. That's not to justify the trifecta to you, as I don't think it's a big deal if you personally believe it or not, but just to throw in another perspective towards your relationship with it.

Trifecta of Crap

First thing that came to mind upon reading the title.

Personally have 0-1 of these magical criteria, but it seems like an overwhelming generalisation on what makes someone "happy". I can see someone having all three (plus health) and still not being completely "happy".

Haha I forgot about that thread...jeez three and a half years ago.

I feel like I have a good group of friends, and I have a job, albeit it just keeps my busy, which can be a good thing. I've never been involved in a relationship so I apparently have never been happy, which seems a little snide. You don't always need to rely on someone else to make you happy, live for you.

That's a good point, I'll concede it's concept then cus I'm pretty much happy and I wasn't until had all 3 of those things

How depressing. I currently have none of them.

.



As far as the pyramid version goes, I have the bottom two and the very top mostly covered, but the two that the trifecta are covered in elude me. But hey, I'm sorta working on it...

Though I can certainly agree that it would bring me happiness far beyond what material possession has done so far. Part of my dislike for endings within media and literature is simply envy for "the powa of friendship/love" stuff that gets thrown around so often. Jealousy, plain and simple. As for work, I regrettably genuinely never thought seriously about my future, so I have no dreams.

The only people that have accomplished the complete triangle are people like the Dali Lama and Mother Theresa. It's very hard for people to totally accomplish what Maslow crreated/said. Hopefully, I'll be able to learn even more, since I'm starting another Psych class today.

As for the "trifecta", I have 2 of those covered. Even when I had all 3 covered, I still wasn't happy. I guess I just let people get to me too much.

Well if I count being a full time college student then I have all three covered though two still need more work done on them.

When if comes to love, I have a guy I guess but he's leaving for Australia in May. We're not in an official relationship but when we're walking around we hold hands and give each other kisses(Walking around the Village). He's great to be around, he's funny, he can cook, he likes to cuddle :3. Thing is he's leaving and he probably doesn't feel the same way I do about him. I'm satisfied to be honest but I know its a temporary fix.

Friendship (IRL) is good. I have about 12 really good friends but thing is i don't see them often. Most of the time I'm at home talking with my Ebony Sister Taylondra and playing dfo. When I do see them its either at the club or at school. There's my gaysians, everything is going well but there's this guy i was friends with and slept with that decided to like stop answering me and my guys texts because he got a boyfriend(he has another in china). Saturday night, after the club, My other gaysian friend dragged me to said bad friend's house and made me sleep there because he doesn't want me to sleep at his place.... I left at 5:30 am to catch the subway home. Then there's my School gay club lesbians. One of them who's from Egypt is really nice and stuff It was her first time going to the club on Saturday and she introduced me to her new GF. Shes nice and we get along well be we don't see each other mucho. There's my Faghags whom I talk to about like 3 times a week. One is underage and cant go clubbing and she probably wouldn't even if she could be we confide in each other. There's my faghag who's into black men and she goes to the gay clubs but haven't seen her in a while though we talk. There's the other gay club faghag who had her bday this weekend but i didn't see her. There's my Italian Faghag whom i haven't seen in a year but whatever shes nice. Then there's my straight guy friends whom i probably only see at school or whatever. (this is a long as pomegranate paragraph with a bunch of THEN THERES because my vocab is fab)