Hypothetical

You're proposing to the love of your life and have been planning it for quite some time. You come up with the brilliant idea to propose to her in a public place. Intentions aside (I often feel like this is used to make the person say yes), it seems like a good plan. So you go through with it but the girl doesn't really want to marry you for some reason.

The question is, would you prefer she say it there, in public (this includes the option of "can we talk about this in private" which is still a very public rejection) or would you prefer she lie to you in public and say yes and then break it off later? Which would be more devastating? The first is humiliating, the latter would lead to many questions and the deflation of high hopes.

Which is worse to you?

I always would prefer honesty. Her lying would be the worst.

If she stays with you, publicly. If you break up, private.

I'd agree with the whole public proposal being a means of peer pressuring the girl into it, so I'd say humiliate him publicly for being such a platypus and not being sure of yourself.

My ex-girlfriend did this to me, except not with marriage. I asked her to be my girlfriend and she said yes, publicly. Then later on that night she took it back and decided she didn't want to yet, though we'd been dating unofficially for quite some time. Ridiculous. It was very aggravating and I was pretty angry. Marriage...I hope for honesty even more.

Just say it right off the bat. Though not wanting to get married is not the same as breaking up (or in Devin's case, going back to square 1: no commitment at all), there is still this "bouncy" feeling of accomplishment/conquest that men get, a.k.a a pineapple yeah. To fall from that height is dangerous.

I dare imagine it's not just a deflation of high hopes, but rather a heavy kick in the balls during a hot session of ing.

I'd definitely prefer a yes in public then clear things up in private. The girl doesn't have to be all, "OMG OMG OMG YES YES I LOVE YOU!! YES FOREVER YES!!". She can be shocked and quietly yes, with a bit of hesitation so the guy, if he's somewhat smart, could realize there's something going on.

If you get rejected in public you'd get some sympathy, at least.
While it being private you wouldn't get much.

The latter (say yes and break off later) is more devastating. I would never propose to a girl in public. I don't even want a public wedding.

Using publicity to force a girl into marriage feels wrong to me. If I had to choose between the two options, I'd rather have a public rejection. Just because she rejects me in public that time doesn't mean that later attempts won't work. It just means that she's not ready at that time. It'd be a larger hassle if she says yes in public but later says otherwise later on in private. Then I would have a bunch of people asking me, "OMG WHEN'S THE WEDDING? INVITE ME!" and I'd have to explain my unworthiness. It'd also make her look indecisive.

I'd take the honesty. But i don't know how much weight that could really ever hold for me as i just can't fathom myself proposing publicly. I mean yes it's a hypothetical but the situation doesn't really connect with me so i can't be certain of the value my answer holds.

And a lot of what Harrison said.

I would prefer the first one, I can't stand people who lie about those things, even if it was "for my own good".

I'm glad I won't ever have this problem, since no girl would be stupid enough to even think about dating me, but hypothetically speaking, I would want her to say it in public. The second option is just annoying. Why would you say "yes, I will marry you," if you're not intending to marry me? I mean, I do understand situations where women get the jitters about marriage and decide to break it off at the last minute before the wedding because they're scared that they're not marrying the right guy, but if they're saying "yes" to a proposal that they know is going to be broken off, they're a b'itch.

I hate how you constantly rag on yourself.

On topic, I'd prefer honesty.

I hate how you constantly rag on yourself.

On topic, I'd prefer honesty.

There's a reason I said "I'm glad." I don't want that problem. The whole wedding thing is not me.

Maybe I should've been more clear: She's leaving you either way in this scenario.

Personally I've always seen any failed attempts at proposal to be a deal-breaker because it's sort of an irreconcilable difference. Obviously this isn't always the case but I've never seen anyone say no to a proposal one day and then stay with the person for years afterward.

I'd prefer the first one since I don't really pay attention of people around me. The effect would be the same as the second scenario in my book. Then I wouldn't have to walk around feeling like the happiest sumbitch in the world before she completely skewers me.

Maybe I should've been more clear: She's leaving you either way in this scenario.

Personally I've always seen any failed attempts at proposal to be a deal-breaker because it's sort of an irreconcilable difference. Obviously this isn't always the case but I've never seen anyone say no to a proposal one day and then stay with the person for years afterward.

Guy I worked with had been living with the same girl for years. He really wanted to get married. She didn't. She never left him, though, and he never gave her an ultimatum, and as far as I know they're still living happily ever after - with no ring.

And of course there's the more common scenario, which the other posters in the thread were thinking of, where she does like/love the guy, but doesn't feel they're quite ready for that ultimate step yet.

As for the original question, if he's <insert adjective here> enough to propose in public when he's not 100% certain she'll say yes, he deserves to get his rejection in public.

Maybe I should've been more clear: She's leaving you either way in this scenario.

Personally I've always seen any failed attempts at proposal to be a deal-breaker because it's sort of an irreconcilable difference. Obviously this isn't always the case but I've never seen anyone say no to a proposal one day and then stay with the person for years afterward.

I know a couple has been hpily married for almost 55 years. Dudes proposal was rejected 4 times. Those were different times though.

I'd rather have it done privately, I believe in white lies. At least I could be able to discuss it with her at that time, and as long as you aren't saying "BUT YOU SAID", doesn't seem like a dead end.

Personally I've always seen any failed attempts at proposal to be a deal-breaker because it's sort of an irreconcilable difference. Obviously this isn't always the case but I've never seen anyone say no to a proposal one day and then stay with the person for years afterward.

I have.
I know a few couples in fact.
One of them he's proposed to her every year for the past 10 or so and she says no each time and they continue on. Granted they already live together so it may not be exactly the same scenario you're thinking of.

For that matter I've proposed at least three times to my bf and he's just not ready.