I became Religious

Okay so I used to be religious. I was told to be a good kid and the kind ladies in the daycare said that there's this INVISIBLE man. At the sky. I though "Okay cool just like the invisible kid in The Moomins". And then the ladies told me how, God loves me. Ohh yay, he loves me!

BUT!
If I am a BAD BAD KID. The invisible man, watches you everyday! And if you break these 10 rules the God gave humans. And if I don't do like God wants me to do, he has this SPECIAL PLACE. DOWN THERE. Full of fire, flames, smoke, taxmen, Rebecca Blacks and Justin Beavers. And I would burn with five thousands needles in my body, WATCHING THE WHOLE SEASON OF MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC ON REPEAT WITH REBECCA BLACK DOING FRIDAY LIVE TILL THE END OF TIME WITH NO MAKE UP ON.




HOLY ****ING pomegranate THAT SOUNDS HORRIBLE

But, [SIZE="4"]God still loves me[/SIZE] AND HE NEEDS MONEY. He needs money, Billions of dollars, no taxes at all!

I believed all that! But then... I hear about the creatures that lived million years ago in earth. THE DINOSAURS:

AND THEN...
[SIZE="5"]My Biology teacher tells me that Humans actually came from MONKEYS![/SIZE]


[SIZE="3"]
Wowowow, wait a minute? Humans came from monkeys during thousands of years, while Dinosaurs have been living way before humans.[/SIZE]

HUH! What I'm going to believe now, obviously I cannot answer to the Biology test that "Humans came on the 6th day from a bone that God took out of his arse"
That would be ZERO points!

I deeper studied into Biology and teachers explained us everything about EVOLUTION and how the earth was born. After this I came to my final conclusion about what Religion is:


[SIZE="6"]Just like Santa Claus, that I found out was my grandpa!!![/SIZE]




[SIZE="6"]
BUT THEN, 8 YEARS LATER![/SIZE]



THIS GUY! Came to my room and told me that ALL THE RELIGIONS IN EARTH ARE INDEED BULLSH!T! So then he told me about the real god.

That is THE SUN!



And [SIZE="4"]so I started to worship the sun.[/SIZE] Okay, well I only started worshipping him when the morning came. (Sun god is sleeping when it's night)

BUT, I didn't pray to sun! Because people pray to God TRILLIONS of times, "I wan't a new car" "I wan't my wife back" "I wan't a new job". And most of these prays take place on SUNDAY! [SIZE="5"]IT'S DAY OFF![/SIZE]

[SIZE="6"]It's not fair...[/SIZE]

Therefore!

I decided to pray to a different person. A real salvador and son of god!

THIS GUY:



Two reason:

First of all, I think he's a good actor.

Second of all, No one can beat Chuck Norris!

Third, He looks like a guy who can GET THINGS DONE.



But, I ALSO NEEDED MONEY. That is what this thread is for.



Join my new [SIZE="6"]"Sunity and Chuckinity"[/SIZE] church today. Small Monthly fee. JOIN SUNITY AND CHUCKINITY. BUY NX TODAY!

...

2/10 for effort
1/10 for humor
1/10 for coolness
5/10 for attempt

overall score: 2/10
Suggestion: delete this, then use the "preview" function next time.

8/10 for effort
0/10 for humor
0/10 for coolness

Aren't effort and attempt the same thing?
Overall Score: 3/10, rounded up due to self pity.

I googled the first little paragraph and this nigguh named George Carlin came up.

You fucking plagerizer. Go to detention.

I think it's a real damn shame that someone with such artistic talent is a complete fucking moron.

It's funny, I was thinking of a thread like this when I woke up, and the replies are exactly what I thought they would be.

It's funny, I was thinking of a thread like this when I woke up, and the replies are exactly what I thought they would be.

You know you have a problem when you think of Southperry when you aren't on Southperry.

You know you have a problem when you think of Southperry when you aren't on Southperry.

You know there's something amiss when you think you have a problem when you think of southperry when you aren't on Southperry.

You know you have a problem when you think of Southperry when you aren't on Southperry.

You know you have a problem when you are never off southperry.

You know you have a problem when you think of Southperry when you aren't on Southperry.

You know you have a problem when you have the 3rd most posts on Southperry.

You know you have a problem when you have the 3rd most posts on Southperry.

You know you have a problem when you starts saying "You know you have a problem" after 3 or more people said so already.

Combo breaker.

Combo breaker.

You know you have a problem when you do that.

How did you know?

How did you know?

He told me.

He told me.

You know you have a problem when Richard Nixon Gorilla Man tells Solarboy that Panacea has a problem when she does that thing.

You know you have a problem when Richard Nixon Gorilla Man tells Solarboy that Panacea has a problem when she does that thing.

You know there's something wrong when Richard Nixon and a gorilla mate and give birth to an abomination that's smarter than yourself.

You know you have a problem when you have the 3rd most posts on Southperry.

Corn, Corn, Corn.

You know you have a problem when you have the 3rd most posts on Southperry.

There are these six guys from Southperry who walk into a bar, Takebacker, Eosian, MetaSeraphim, Fiel, Dusk and Corn.

Dusk asks the barkeep if he has a flaming sailor to which the barkeep replies no causing Dusk to tell the others bye and leave.

Fiel asks the barkeep if they're Chinchilla friendly to which the barkeep replies by pointing at the Chinchilla-on-a-Stick on the menu causing Fiel to tell the others bye and leave.

After the the remaining four ordered their drinks and was talking casually among themselves when suddenly Corn stood up shocking the other three. Corn used to be one of Eosian's top poster until the young upstart MetaSeraphim made him look like a fool, Corn having enough of this decided to call MetaSeraphim out to which MetaSeraphim replied to Corn by headbutting him and knocking him out. This caused Takebacker to burst out laughing and Eosian to look on scoldingly. MetaSeraphim then grabbed a barstool and smashed it over Takebacker's head causing Eosian to say. "Alright, that is enough. You're banned for a year." This caused MetaSeraphim to reply with.

"You know you might have a problem when you make lame horrible jokes with no proper ending or punchline about members of Southperry meeting outside of Southperry."

Pssh, I was only the top poster for at max 2 days. Then Isaac got mad or something and went on a posting spree.

I think I have more Misc section posts than you do, though .