Taking huge steps

Letting go doesn't necessarily mean burning bridges. Sometimes you gotta walk a path others won't be able to follow. Can't be helped.

I spoke from my own intentions with that. Sorry; sometimes though you just gotta do what's best for yourself.

It's up to you. Cohabitation isn't a bad idea, but it isn't a great idea at the same time. Studies claims that even though you've lived with your partner (in an apartment, house, etc) before marriage, it won't necessary lower the risk of divorce rates. It's actually better to not cohabitate, and these are my own reasons:

a) Money, big issue. Do you make enough money in able to sustain an apartment? This includes back-up money, in case she decides to leave you in the dust. Gotta think this ahead.
b) Do you need to work full-time? If this is the case, say good-bye to college.
c) Time management, gotta try to be up there with your partner. Can't just roam all over with your friends, sadly.


These 3. I'm always iffy about the subject of cohabitation because though I've always liked the idea of FREEDOM, it comes at a high cost. I'm not going to rely on my own parents, but on myself. Money doesn't fall off trees, I have to constantly work, and it won't be fun paying off bills constantly. If you have to work full-time at a minimum-wage paying job, or at a low paying job, it's going to suck balls anyways. Then there's the final part, which is basically LOLNOTIEM (seriously).

I know a lot of friends that are living together, and they do look really stressed out at times. Things still work fine, but they work their asses off at their job. Whenever they're at home, they have even MORE responsibilities to attend to. A lot of my friends are married nowadays too, it's pretty scary. I'm only 21, so it makes me feel like I'm getting old . . . In fact, two friends of mine got married to each other JUST 2 days ago.

PS: Rob, sorry about what happened with Yoh. :/ But hey, you move on, and find someone more compatible with you.


Oh, and on another note, the biggest perk of cohabitation = sex as much as you want. You don't have to worry about time-management, lolnoparents or siblings. Cause ya know, it sucks when you're in a relationship and you're barely having sex because you AND your partner are busy with college and work. So you get to see each other like once a week or some sh`it. Because if this ever happens, it might be me next in the upcoming future. I'm predicting this.

I think you're making a mountain out of a mole hole, honestly. Instead of saying things like "this is the foundation for a family," just do it and see what happens.

"For of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these: 'It might have been!'" Harriet Beecher Stowe

I was in a different situation when my girlfriend moved in with me but we were the same age as you. I was living away from my parents in an apartment with a couple of friends at the out of state college I was attending. It was also a different situation because it really wasn't something we planned out, it just happened. She was over at my place more often than not and when it came time for her to plan out what she was doing for a place to live the next year (college towns have a lot of people moving in/out the same month of the year due to the school schedule) we both thought it didn't make much sense for her to pay for a place to stay maybe one night a week.

I really don't see why everyone is saying a full-time job and college don't mix. Sure you may have to lose out on your weekends to make it work but it's definitely doable. People do it all the time. Sure most of the cases you hear about are people going back to school and maintianing their full-time job but I've done it and I've known several other people who have as well. It really cuts down on the amount of debt you walk out of college with if you aren't fortunate enough to have scholarships/other funding for school.

The big issue in my mind is if you can actually live with this other person. Especially if you have been living with your parents (seems like it from the first post) and don't have much experience living with other people much less someone who is going to literally be a roommate. It's an entirely different situation.

It's a lot more responsibility and yet it's a lot more freedom.
Getting out into the world is nice.

a) Money, big issue. Do you make enough money in able to sustain an apartment? This includes back-up money, in case she decides to leave you in the dust. Gotta think this ahead. Yes, I should.
b) Do you need to work full-time? If this is the case, say good-bye to college. I don't see why so many of you see this as a problem. College has different turns here, so working from morning to past midday is okay.
c) Time management, gotta try to be up there with your partner. Can't just roam all over with your friends, sadly. Yeah, I've noticed this.


These 3. I'm always iffy about the subject of cohabitation because though I've always liked the idea of FREEDOM, it comes at a high cost. I'm not going to rely on my own parents, but on myself. Money doesn't fall off trees, I have to constantly work, and it won't be fun paying off bills constantly. If you have to work full-time at a minimum-wage paying job, or at a low paying job, it's going to suck balls anyways. Then there's the final part, which is basically LOLNOTIEM (seriously).

I know a lot of friends that are living together, and they do look really stressed out at times. Things still work fine, but they work their asses off at their job. Whenever they're at home, they have even MORE responsibilities to attend to. A lot of my friends are married nowadays too, it's pretty scary. I'm only 21, so it makes me feel like I'm getting old . . . In fact, two friends of mine got married to each other JUST 2 days ago.

I've seen a couple of friends walk this route too lately and I'm feeling like going that way too.

PS: Rob, sorry about what happened with Yoh. :/ But hey, you move on, and find someone more compatible with you.

It's okay though. This relationship feels more natural, and I have nothing to lose.

Oh, and on another note, the biggest perk of cohabitation = sex as much as you want. You don't have to worry about time-management, lolnoparents or siblings. Cause ya know, it sucks when you're in a relationship and you're barely having sex because you AND your partner are busy with college and work. So you get to see each other like once a week or some sh`it. Because if this ever happens, it might be me next in the upcoming future. I'm predicting this.

This is a great plus as well actually. We see each other like 3~4 times a week, but sex is so scarce it gets on both nerves.

Bolded.

I think you're making a mountain out of a mole hole, honestly. Instead of saying things like "this is the foundation for a family," just do it and see what happens.

I do want to set a family up here. It's not a naive feeling I'm getting just now.

I was in a different situation when my girlfriend moved in with me but we were the same age as you. I was living away from my parents in an apartment with a couple of friends at the out of state college I was attending. It was also a different situation because it really wasn't something we planned out, it just happened. She was over at my place more often than not and when it came time for her to plan out what she was doing for a place to live the next year (college towns have a lot of people moving in/out the same month of the year due to the school schedule) we both thought it didn't make much sense for her to pay for a place to stay maybe one night a week.

I really don't see why everyone is saying a full-time job and college don't mix. Sure you may have to lose out on your weekends to make it work but it's definitely doable. People do it all the time. Sure most of the cases you hear about are people going back to school and maintianing their full-time job but I've done it and I've known several other people who have as well. It really cuts down on the amount of debt you walk out of college with if you aren't fortunate enough to have scholarships/other funding for school.

The big issue in my mind is if you can actually live with this other person. Especially if you have been living with your parents (seems like it from the first post) and don't have much experience living with other people much less someone who is going to literally be a roommate. It's an entirely different situation.

It's a lot more responsibility and yet it's a lot more freedom.
Getting out into the world is nice.

That's some nice experience I'd look forward to.

I need to get out my house next year anyway, I really feel it, whether it is with my cousin, alone or with my girlfriend it doesn't really matter.

I appreciate the input guys.

You don't just decide one day, "I'm making a family now!"

Families just happen, you can't really plan for them - such is life. Personally, 20/21 is too young; my mother had me when she was 20, my uncle was married when he was 19, and I'm sure both of them regret doing those things so early - my uncle used to have big fights with his wife all the time and wanted to leave her. Of course, they got married about 15 years ago and now they're living happily with their kids, so who knows. I'm 21 and I don't feel at all prepared to start a family, but maybe you are.

You don't just decide one day, "I'm making a family now!"

Families just happen, you can't really plan for them - such is life. Personally, 20/21 is too young; my mother had me when she was 20, my uncle was married when he was 19, and I'm sure both of them regret doing those things so early - my uncle used to have big fights with his wife all the time and wanted to leave her. Of course, they got married about 15 years ago and now they're living happily with their kids, so who knows. I'm 21 and I don't feel at all prepared to start a family, but maybe you are.

you can plan, though, to be a parent. The main issue of it is that, where i agree with you, you're too young Rob. Job, School, and Home take priority, then relationships. Even if you love her now, stuff can always unfold over a kid that'd make you hate her guts, or love her even more. Do NOT rush into the decision of starting another life and making a family, focus on yourself first.

You don't just decide one day, "I'm making a family now!"

Families just happen, you can't really plan for them - such is life. Personally, 20/21 is too young; my mother had me when she was 20, my uncle was married when he was 19, and I'm sure both of them regret doing those things so early - my uncle used to have big fights with his wife all the time and wanted to leave her. Of course, they got married about 15 years ago and now they're living happily with their kids, so who knows. I'm 21 and I don't feel at all prepared to start a family, but maybe you are.

Eh, I've been fond of the idea of making a family since a kid. I have a huge family (more than 10 aunts/uncles) 40 or so cousins and etcetera, so I grew with this. I don't intend on planning too, I just feel I'd like to eventually get married with my girlfriend, have kids, etcetera. I feel it is the right thing to do, and what I'd enjoy.

you can plan, though, to be a parent. The main issue of it is that, where i agree with you, you're too young Rob. Job, School, and Home take priority, then relationships. Even if you love her now, stuff can always unfold over a kid that'd make you hate her guts, or love her even more. Do NOT rush into the decision of starting another life and making a family, focus on yourself first.

I don't focus on myself most of the time either. I can't stand the thought of going through my life without a partner standing beside me, and now that I feel like I can do it with Alejandra, it makes more sense even. Like I've said before, I'm not gonna be at my parents' house much longer, so it's just a matter of deciding to do this now or to put it off for later.

Eh, I've been fond of the idea of making a family since a kid. I have a huge family (more than 10 aunts/uncles) 40 or so cousins and etcetera, so I grew with this. I don't intend on planning too, I just feel I'd like to eventually get married with my girlfriend, have kids, etcetera. I feel it is the right thing to do, and what I'd enjoy.

Then the only thing left to do is move in with her and see where it goes. Just make sure you make it clear what your intentions are so that a few years down the line you find out your wifey doesn't want kids.

I still maintain that you're too young, but I also believe that the best way to learn is to try things yourself and make mistakes. Life's about learning from your failures, so as long as you do that, you haven't really failed.

Then the only thing left to do is move in with her and see where it goes. Just make sure you make it clear what your intentions are so that a few years down the line you find out your wifey doesn't want kids.

I still maintain that you're too young, but I also believe that the best way to learn is to try things yourself and make mistakes. Life's about learning from your failures, so as long as you do that, you haven't really failed.

Kinda unexpected reply, but I appreciate the input a lot. Thanks.

I concur, trial and error is the only way to go.

Kinda unexpected reply, but I appreciate the input a lot. Thanks.

I concur, trial and error is the only way to go.

I know, I'm too decent sometimes. I'll go back to being the brutally bitter misanthrope I usually am.

I say continue your plan to move-in with your cousin, then have your GF move in with you at that place. That way if things go awry then it won't be a huge issue to deal with and will prevent putting you too far out money and house wise.

Eh, I've been fond of the idea of making a family since a kid. I have a huge family (more than 10 aunts/uncles) 40 or so cousins and etcetera, so I grew with this. I don't intend on planning too, I just feel I'd like to eventually get married with my girlfriend, have kids, etcetera. I feel it is the right thing to do, and what I'd enjoy.



I don't focus on myself most of the time either. I can't stand the thought of going through my life without a partner standing beside me, and now that I feel like I can do it with Alejandra, it makes more sense even. Like I've said before, I'm not gonna be at my parents' house much longer, so it's just a matter of deciding to do this now or to put it off for later.

I think the rule of thumb is that one is supposed to be able to stand on his/her own two legs before living with a partner. Not a whole lot of people want to live life alone, but in order to succeed ya need to be mentally/financially capable of doing it solo. Could also be a crock of sh!t but it makes sense.

I think the rule of thumb is that one is supposed to be able to stand on his/her own two legs before living with a partner. Not a whole lot of people want to live life alone, but in order to succeed ya need to be mentally/financially capable of doing it solo. Could also be a crock of sh!t but it makes sense.

I agree with that in theory, but I think that you can be prepared to live alone and still skip it.

I think the rule of thumb is that one is supposed to be able to stand on his/her own two legs before living with a partner. Not a whole lot of people want to live life alone, but in order to succeed ya need to be mentally/financially capable of doing it solo. Could also be a crock of sh!t but it makes sense.

>Through my life

I say go for it Rob. You look like you've thought this out well enough, and all you're having are those nagging doubts about what this could mean, and what it will change. I personally think you can handle it.

I personally wouldn't go with it, but you seem pretty determined so I don't think I'm going to rain on your potential parade. You're a pretty smart guy and I'm sure you know how to plan for the worst, as that is exactly what you need to do when making risky decisions such as these.

Now I'm just assuming things, but when you say "sustaining a home for your girlfriend" does this mean paying for all of her expenses? Have you two sat down and seriously talked about this? Remember that you two should be supporting each other; sharing a home with somebody else shouldn't be a one-way street unless you have more than enough funds to pull it off, which you obviously don't. What are you plans as far as financials go?

Now I'm just assuming things, but when you say "sustaining a home for your girlfriend" does this mean paying for all of her expenses? Have you two sat down and seriously talked about this? Remember that you two should be supporting each other; sharing a home with somebody else shouldn't be a one-way street unless you have more than enough funds to pull it off, which you obviously don't. What are you plans as far as financials go?

- utils/food

That's a valid point, though there would be 2 salaries to rely on.

I'm hoping by this he means his gf is working as well.

Planning out financials even with his gf working is a really smart move though. Same applies to responsibilities around the house, much easier when everyone knows what's expected of them.

Rob got some big balls if he wants to get that girl preggo pretty soon. XD

Rob got some big balls if he wants to get that girl preggo pretty soon. XD

It'd be pretty hard to impregante someone without testicles.