Ya know what.... f*ck Nympho maniacs.

What's brown and sticky?
A stick.

...I jizz'd on

Reminds me of this one time when me and my friend Tom decided to pick up a hitchhiker and give him a lift.

I've hitchhiked before and so has Tom and we were both grateful for the people who gave us rides so we both always try to return the favor when we can. Usually you just have to count on your instincts when you decide who you will and won't give a lift to. Me and Tom see this guy thumbing and we both give each other a look that says "No, don't give this guy a ride" But I reason with Tom that there are two of us and just the one hitchhiker so what's the worst that can happen?

Well the worst that can happen is that the guy hops in, thanks us for the ride, then immediately start talking about anything and everything under the sun for 15 straight minutes. Just the most random stuff from his ex-girlfriend to his high school science teacher who told him he looked like the type that would bring peace to the world.

That's not what's bothering me though. What's bothering me is the way he was holding this duffel bag to his chest like it had his soul in it or something. I could tell that whatever was in it wasn't clothes, it was something solid, and it looked like it was the only thing in the duffel bag.

So eventually I butt into his prologue and ask him what's in the bag. "None of your f'uckin business" is what he said back to me. Now usually I'm quick to anger but I was kind of shocked that the guy spoke to me the way he did for it to register. After a second or two I look over at Tom who is giving me a concerned look then pull myself together and ask "What's in the bag?" but a little more sternly. No joke, he says it exactly the same way "None of your f'uckin business".

Tom pulls the van straight over and turns to the guy and tells him "Either you tell me what's in the bag or you can get the f'uck out. The guy answers the exact same way for the third time "None of your f'uckin business". Tom and I move to throw the guy out of the van, but before we can even get to him he opens the door jumps out and runs away. I close the door and we motor on down the road talking to each other about how crazy the guy was.

After we get about half of a mile down the road I look in the back and see that the dude left the duffel bag back there. Can you believe it? All that time and all of that trouble over the damn thing and the guy ended up leaving the duffel bag behind.

[video=youtube;k4AHHVT58NE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4AHHVT58NE[/video]

Reminds me of this one time when me and my friend Tom decided to pick up a hitchhiker and give him a lift.

I've hitchhiked before and so has Tom and we were both grateful for the people who gave us rides so we both always try to return the favor when we can. Usually you just have to count on your instincts when you decide who you will and won't give a lift to. Me and Tom see this guy thumbing and we both give each other a look that says "No, don't give this guy a ride" But I reason with Tom that there are two of us and just the one hitchhiker so what's the worst that can happen?

Well the worst that can happen is that the guy hops in, thanks us for the ride, then immediately start talking about anything and everything under the sun for 15 straight minutes. Just the most random stuff from his ex-girlfriend to his high school science teacher who told him he looked like the type that would bring peace to the world.

That's not what's bothering me though. What's bothering me is the way he was holding this duffel bag to his chest like it had his soul in it or something. I could tell that whatever was in it wasn't clothes, it was something solid, and it looked like it was the only thing in the duffel bag.

So eventually I butt into his prologue and ask him what's in the bag. "None of your f'uckin business" is what he said back to me. Now usually I'm quick to anger but I was kind of shocked that the guy spoke to me the way he did for it to register. After a second or two I look over at Tom who is giving me a concerned look then pull myself together and ask "What's in the bag?" but a little more sternly. No joke, he says it exactly the same way "None of your f'uckin business".

Tom pulls the van straight over and turns to the guy and tells him "Either you tell me what's in the bag or you can get the f'uck out. The guy answers the exact same way for the third time "None of your f'uckin business". Tom and I move to throw the guy out of the van, but before we can even get to him he opens the door jumps out and runs away. I close the door and we motor on down the road talking to each other about how crazy the guy was.

After we get about half of a mile down the road I look in the back and see that the dude left the duffel bag back there. Can you believe it? All that time and all of that trouble over the damn thing and the guy ended up leaving the duffel bag behind.

Where's the money shot?

What was in the bag?

Reminds me of this one time when me and my friend Tom decided to pick up a hitchhiker and give him a lift.

I've hitchhiked before and so has Tom and we were both grateful for the people who gave us rides so we both always try to return the favor when we can. Usually you just have to count on your instincts when you decide who you will and won't give a lift to. Me and Tom see this guy thumbing and we both give each other a look that says "No, don't give this guy a ride" But I reason with Tom that there are two of us and just the one hitchhiker so what's the worst that can happen?

Well the worst that can happen is that the guy hops in, thanks us for the ride, then immediately start talking about anything and everything under the sun for 15 straight minutes. Just the most random stuff from his ex-girlfriend to his high school science teacher who told him he looked like the type that would bring peace to the world.

That's not what's bothering me though. What's bothering me is the way he was holding this duffel bag to his chest like it had his soul in it or something. I could tell that whatever was in it wasn't clothes, it was something solid, and it looked like it was the only thing in the duffel bag.

So eventually I butt into his prologue and ask him what's in the bag. "None of your f'uckin business" is what he said back to me. Now usually I'm quick to anger but I was kind of shocked that the guy spoke to me the way he did for it to register. After a second or two I look over at Tom who is giving me a concerned look then pull myself together and ask "What's in the bag?" but a little more sternly. No joke, he says it exactly the same way "None of your f'uckin business".

Tom pulls the van straight over and turns to the guy and tells him "Either you tell me what's in the bag or you can get the f'uck out. The guy answers the exact same way for the third time "None of your f'uckin business". Tom and I move to throw the guy out of the van, but before we can even get to him he opens the door jumps out and runs away. I close the door and we motor on down the road talking to each other about how crazy the guy was.

After we get about half of a mile down the road I look in the back and see that the dude left the duffel bag back there. Can you believe it? All that time and all of that trouble over the damn thing and the guy ended up leaving the duffel bag behind.

tl;dr

tl;dr

Short version: his friends found a guy who was carrying a dead guy head in a duffle bag and they kicked him out

Where's the money shot?

What was in the bag?

thats the joke.

Short version: his friends found a guy who was carrying a dead guy head in a duffle bag and they kicked him out

I am a big, red object, and I spray my stuff everywhere to save lives. When people notice I'm coming, they have to get out of the way or else I'll demolish them. What am I?

 Spoiler

Firetruck

I am a big, red object, and I spray my stuff everywhere to save lives. When people notice I'm coming, they have to get out of the way or else I'll demolish them. What am I?

 Spoiler

Firetruck

.

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

What's brown and sticky?
A stick.

c

A guy walks into a bar.

 Spoiler

And that's it.

Knock Knock

 Spoiler

What is the difference between a black man and a bench?

A black man is a male human of African ancestry, a bench is an object made out of wood, metal, and other material that you sit on.

Que guarda darth vader en el congelador?

 Spoiler

Helado oscuro

What do you call a black man sitting on a wooden bench in the morning?

 Spoiler

Unemployed

What do you call a black man sitting on a wooden bench in the morning?

 Spoiler

Gay

:f6:

:f6:

 Spoiler

Gay