ladies wanna destroy your man?

ever get into an argument, and he mentions that you and him never have sex anymore? use this:
"Pfft; if you call that thing you do with your penis "sex," id rather get mauled by a bear before i let you writhe on top of me."

works great for my man loving men out there also.
(this has been another topic of sexual content brought to you by the deranged perversion of this guy.)

This is what I don't get. If you're in a relationship and your girlfriend tells you that, then I would definitely want to know if she has STDs. Because seriously, if she can calculate the size of each sausage placed inside her snatch, then you know that you're definitely dealing with someone you don't necessarily want to have sex with on a first date.

Also, how do guys know your penis is small or big? Did I miss something in high school where a bunch of guys get together in the locker room, pull out a metric ruler, and then create a unified penis encyclopedia for mass distribution?

I honestly don't understand why penis size is so heavily emphasized when sex is so much more than sticking your mushroom into the pipe. It's a lurid mix of many things like feelings, foreplay, and fortitude that can make sex that many times more enjoyable. I also don't understand why referencing bestiality would necessarily be such a downer. When it comes down to it people are okay with homosexual sex, but when it comes down to animals they shudder in revulsion at the idea that such obscene acts of sex could occur. It's ironic that there is a limit to liberal thought, as liberals are really more conservative than they think they really are. I didn't really understand how referencing bestiality would destroy a man's resolve.

If my girlfriend said that, I would slam her head into the television until she drank LCD and ask her to repeat it one more time. Because it's not funny. And I would never date someone who would say something like that. Ever.

New avatar is relevant.

It's ironic that there is a limit to liberal thought, as liberals are really more conservative than they think they really are

Guess the party's over now huh.

works great for my man loving men out there also.

finally some recognition

Mood-killer.

I loved the seriousness in your post in this unserious thread because killing moods is fun, but I had a problem with this. . .

When it comes down to it people are okay with homosexual sex, but when it comes down to animals they shudder in revulsion at the idea that such obscene acts of sex could occur.

Homosexual sex is still sex with humans. Humans =/= animals.

This is what I don't get. If you're in a relationship and your girlfriend tells you that, then I would definitely want to know if she has STDs. Because seriously, if she can calculate the size of each sausage placed inside her snatch, then you know that you're definitely dealing with someone you don't necessarily want to have sex with on a first date.

Also, how do guys know your penis is small or big? Did I miss something in high school where a bunch of guys get together in the locker room, pull out a metric ruler, and then create a unified penis encyclopedia for mass distribution?

I honestly don't understand why penis size is so heavily emphasized when sex is so much more than sticking your mushroom into the pipe. It's a lurid mix of many things like feelings, foreplay, and fortitude that can make sex that many times more enjoyable. I also don't understand why referencing bestiality would necessarily be such a downer. When it comes down to it people are okay with homosexual sex, but when it comes down to animals they shudder in revulsion at the idea that such obscene acts of sex could occur. It's ironic that there is a limit to liberal thought, as liberals are really more conservative than they think they really are. I didn't really understand how referencing bestiality would destroy a man's resolve.
If my girlfriend said that, I would slam her head into the television until she drank LCD and ask her to repeat it one more time. Because it's not funny. And I would never date someone who would say something like that. Ever.

I think it was more "I'd rather get violently violated by a vicious creature than willingly sleep with you."

This is what I don't get. If you're in a relationship and your girlfriend tells you that, then I would definitely want to know if she has STDs. Because seriously, if she can calculate the size of each sausage placed inside her snatch, then you know that you're definitely dealing with someone you don't necessarily want to have sex with on a first date.

Also, how do guys know your penis is small or big? Did I miss something in high school where a bunch of guys get together in the locker room, pull out a metric ruler, and then create a unified penis encyclopedia for mass distribution?

I honestly don't understand why penis size is so heavily emphasized when sex is so much more than sticking your mushroom into the pipe. It's a lurid mix of many things like feelings, foreplay, and fortitude that can make sex that many times more enjoyable. I also don't understand why referencing bestiality would necessarily be such a downer. When it comes down to it people are okay with homosexual sex, but when it comes down to animals they shudder in revulsion at the idea that such obscene acts of sex could occur. It's ironic that there is a limit to liberal thought, as liberals are really more conservative than they think they really are. I didn't really understand how referencing bestiality would destroy a man's resolve.

If my girlfriend said that, I would slam her head into the television until she drank LCD and ask her to repeat it one more time. Because it's not funny. And I would never date someone who would say something like that. Ever.

yes, yes, i know, but the point of this thread is to be funny.(did the troll just get trolled?) average male length ~6.3 inches in length, ~1.7 in diameter. sure women who are promiscuous arent very safe, in terms of diseases, but would you rather have someone who doesnt know what theyre doing just lie back and take it, or would you prefer someone who knows to wiggle their hips? besides, im sure that you and your gf have had relationships in the past that you havent told each other about. and that bear thing (seriously, did this guy fall for this?) is just a term, like, "id rather bear immense pain than bear you."
...LOL at unintended double entandre, however its spelled.

average worldwide male length ~5.5 inches in length, ~1.7 in diameter.

Fixed.

Fixed.

that makes me above average then

that makes me above average then

same here man!
*Bro fist High-five!*

If I'm wrong then please forgive me. But I thought homosexuality stemmed from the freedom of choice in having sex with anyone you want, loving anyone you want irregardless of social engineering, and being able to express that love in public.

In the idea of such liberality, I personally feel that an approach to bestiality is equally justified. The freedom of choice in having sex with anything you want, loving anything you want irregardless of social engineering, and being able to at least practice what you want in your private sphere as long as you don't make it public.

I'm not necessarily a bestiality advocate. It's just that I don't really see what is so amazing about humans that make them infinitely more desirable sex partners than animals. I mean, who knows. Animals could be incredibly amazing at sex. But we would never know about it because animal sex is just something too weird for most of us to accept. And I'll admit it is weird. But I only feel it is as weird as homosexual sex in which they are both acts that do not promote progeny or sire offspring.

====
Tobias, if that was what you intended then it was well thought out but poorly executed. Maybe I'm missing something. But I don't know how anyone could derive your explanation from her statement:

"id rather get mauled by a bear before i let you write on top of me"

It just seems like she's saying, lololol bear sex is so funny. And I honestly read the first part of the line thinking that it was some poor reference to an animal rape-joke. Also I don't understand "let you write on top of me." Is that supposed to be "ride?" I'm sorry if there is some deeper meaning that completely flew over my head that everyone else got.

And I'm sorry I made an ass of myself in your thread. :<

same here man!
*Bro fist High-five!*

[color="#cc8899"]
Please don't tell me what part of your bodies just "fived" each other...

And bestiality is different in that the animal can never be considered a willing partner in the same manner than a young child cannot. They do not possess the capability to make those decisions like an adult human can, or not in the same way that we can.[/COLOR]

homosexuality stemmed from the freedom of choice

you best be trollin nigga

you best be trollin nigga

[color="#cc8899"]
Inb4 homobishslap. Also, swerve, no worries, this is Funhouse. Opeth and Greg made a career out of making asses of themselves here.[/COLOR]

Sorry redundancy. I do that at 3am in the morning in the Funhouse. You can omit it and a couple other words if it bothers you :<

Or you can omit "freedom of" and the sentence should work as well. You've honestly humbled me on manly levels Chris. I will go get mauled by a bear in the forest now.

stuff about beastiality

uhh are you catboy from sw.net?

Sorry redundancy. I do that at 3am in the morning in the Funhouse. You can omit it and a couple other words if it bothers you :<

Or you can omit "freedom of" and the sentence should work as well. You've honestly humbled me on manly levels Chris. I will go get mauled by a bear in the forest now.

[color="#cc8899"]
*Obligatory Harvey Birdman bear noise*[/COLOR]

Wait! How do I measure my penis?

You've honestly humbled me on manly levels Chris. I will go get mauled by a bear in the forest now.

don't forget to have someone video tape it so you can become e-famous

[youtube]JWqX3rBxBeI[/youtube]

lern2measure loose