PSYCHO - therapy

State a problem in your life (preferably fake) and I will attempt to find the solution via the awesome transcendental powers of PSYCHO - therapy. If I'm stumped, then that person can choose to replace me as the therapist if that is by their choosing.

i can't think of a problem for this particular thread

Self-victimization tendency.

Feminism.

I believe in God.

I believe I cause everyone elses problems.

Homosexuality

Humans.

Derp

Rewrite the season finale of Lost.

Everyone in this thread got trolled. What should I do?

Everyone in this thread got trolled. What should I do?

Solve our problems.

Morons.

My great grandmother won't stop hanging out with me and my friends. She thinks she's cool and uses terms like "homies" and "whattup" which usually result in her false teeth slightly spewing out of her mouth. As if this wasn't bad enough, I caught her macking on my BF last night. I don't want to be one of those girlfriends who says "hey Geoff, you can't mack on other ladies!" but when it's my great grams... man. And her, she should know better. She's 107 years old for gods sake. Please, what do I do?

I need to get at least a 1 in order to pass this Math semester!

(Grade scale here is from 1-10, 10 being the highest)

My great grandmother won't stop hanging out with me and my friends. She thinks she's cool and uses terms like "homies" and "whattup" which usually result in her false teeth slightly spewing out of her mouth. As if this wasn't bad enough, I caught her macking on my BF last night. I don't want to be one of those girlfriends who says "hey Geoff, you can't mack on other ladies!" but when it's my great grams... man. And her, she should know better. She's 107 years old for gods sake. Please, what do I do?

Sarah has a boyfriend? But that ruins the lesbian fantasy everyone on SP has of you and Throes! (Nevermind that Throes is married, we all know that's a cover-up)

Sarah has a boyfriend? But that ruins the lesbian fantasy everyone on SP has of you and Throes! (Nevermind that Throes is married, we all know that's a cover-up)

Only makes it hotter. "Oh, she has a boyfriend? That must mean she steals away in the night to be with Throes in passionate adultery."

My problem:
I accidentally the whole Coca-Cola bottle. Is that bad?

Sarah has a boyfriend? But that ruins the lesbian fantasy everyone on SP has of you and Throes! (Nevermind that Throes is married, we all know that's a cover-up)

well, i have a sudden case of bullet to the head syndrome. Dr. Swerve, your voodoo sorcery got anything?

over-paranoid

2nd situation: I fell in love with my waifu, and I can't help with think about my waifu all day and night. I struggle so much that I can't help but deliberately masturbate while being inside the restroom at work. My waifu is 2D, and I love her long time. Any suggestions?