You Let The Vampires In

You Let The Vampires In

By Kyle

I look at the cold, scared puppy. It lets out a pathetic yelp as I pass by. No one is going to save it, and that’s reality. You’re going to die cold and alone just like the rest of us, puppy. I turn around to give it another look. The poor thing was soaked to the bone from the rain. It can hardly move. Terrified, hungry and near-death, probably. Hardly anyone walks through this part of town. Dark, empty back streets and a lone puppy. I don’t like dogs, but I almost feel bad for it ending up here of all places. It’s a pity you’re going to die without a soul who cares. Another whimper. I keep walking and turn the corner to my place.

I grab a towel and fall into my usual spot. I sit in this chair and read every night. I don’t own a television, though I doubt it’d work around here anyway. Drip. Drip. The roof is trash, too. Everything is. Hell, I am. Miserable, dead-end job, no living family besides a sister who doesn’t give a damn and this dump they call an apartment. I reach over and turn on my reading lamp. Ah, my lamp. I like my reading lamp. I guess that’s one good thing in my life. It was my mother’s before she died. I take very good care of it and keep it shiny. Sometimes, I even find myself staring at it. This book isn’t going to last much longer. Hopefully I can finish it before I fall asleep. I finish drying off and throw my towel onto the floor. It lands in a half-empty pizza box. I’m already too comfortable to care. Knock. Knockknockknock. Christ, seriously? I glare at the door. Maybe if I wait long enough he’ll go away.

“I know you’re in there, pimento. Open up.”

***

This asswipe always takes so long to open the dang door. I swear to God I’m just going to take him out back one day and teach him some respect.

“Hello Jerry… What do you want? I was already winding down for the night.”

That smug little face of his makes my blood boil. My hand balls in to a fist. I grit my teeth and slam the piece of paper into his chest. He recoils in pain and shock. Damn, that feels great. You are so lucky I’m a law-abiding citizen. I walk across the hall and back to my place. Before slamming my door shut, I take one last satisfying look at his stupid expression.

“Honey. Babe. He gon’ pay us back soon? Why’d you lend that punk money anyway?”

“I told you already that I don’t know when he’s going to pay it back! Now just shut the hell up and finish cooking. Dammit.”

She looks at me with those hate-filled eyes, same as always. I know I should be nicer to her, but she really pushes my buttons when I’m already pissed off. I’ll apologize later tonight. She does make one helluva fine grilled cheese. I walk to the bathroom and splash some water on my face. She’s right. She’s always right. I regret ever lending that idiot money. I can’t believe I took pity on him.

***

That bastard! Big man thinks he’s all tough! Thinks he can push me around? I’ll teach him. I’ll teach him! I’ll teach everyone! Ugh. I slam my door shut even harder than he did. He needs to know he can’t push me around. I’m tired of all this pomegranate. I can’t even read in peace anymore? To hell with that. Ever since he lent me the money to pay for my mother’s funeral, he’s been harassing me day after day to pay him back. It’s not exactly easy! Why does he think I needed the money in the first place? He offered. Dammit, he’s the one who offered to help! I grab the book from my chair, sit down again and try reading. I can’t focus now. I hate that man. I hate everyone. Why can’t I just get through this miserable life in peace? I stare at the beautiful lamp sitting next to me. I caress its smooth, golden base with love.

“Mom, why did you have to leave me? You knew you were all I had.”

I stare at its tangerine glow. I feel…peaceful. She reaches her hand out from the light and rests it on top of mine.

“Oh…Mom? You’re still here with me.”

“That’s right, dear. Mommy is always with her precious son. I would never leave you.”

I close my eyes and let her cradle me to sleep. I’m glad I have a loving mother to take care of me.

***

She hands me my plate without saying a word. Her scorning eyes really know how to get me. We eat across from each other, but we couldn’t be farther away. I take a bite of my grilled cheese sandwich. It really is delicious. I want to apologize to her. I look up at her. She’s glaring at me. I don’t know how to respond to those eyes, so I go back to looking at my plate. She sighs. We finish our meal in complete silence. I stand up to take my plate to the sink and reach for hers as I walk by, but she pulls it away.

“I can manage myself, thanks.”

She stands up and flicks me with her hair as she spins around in defiance. I walk behind her and set my plate next to the sink. I stand close to her back for a moment, longing to reach out and admit I was wrong.

“I don’t need your help washing them, either.”

Her words slice my hand down. I walk back to my chair and collapse. It’s so old and worn-out that I nearly sink to the floor. Stupid. I really am stupid. She’s all I have and I treat her like garbage. I should be down on my knees thanking her for not leaving me already. I listen to her wash the dishes, wishing I was a better man for her.

“I’m going to go shower and then head to bed. Night.”

I click on the television and flip through channel after channel of static. Dammit. I slam the remote down and sink my face into my hands. Go apologize to her. You shouldn’t have lent money to that jerk-off, and you know that. I shake off my frustration and head towards the bathroom. I take off my clothes, open the shower door and step inside with my wife. I wrap my hands around her and kiss the back of her neck.

“I’m sorry, Donna. I lost myself again. I know I was stupid to lend him that money. We’ll find a way to get it back.”

She turns around and returns the embrace. Her soft body against mine is all I need to know everything is going to be all right.

“I love you.”

***

Police sirens whir by my apartment. Hm, I must have fallen asleep. I rise from my chair and turn off my precious lamp. I figure I should at least get into my bed for what is left of the night. Knock. Knock. I stop dead in my tracks. This time it’s a softer knock, so I doubt it’s him again. It’s 3 A.M. Who the hell… I open the door and find myself face to face with Donna, that bastard’s beautiful wife. She doesn’t wait for me to invite her in.

“Hey there, cupcake. I hope I didn’t wake you.”

Is she for real? She’s never said a word to me before. What is going on? She unbuttons her coat and slides it off. Black bra. Black panties. That’s all. My heart skips a beat. I can’t swallow. She slowly walks towards me.

“I’m sorry for all the trouble my husband has been causing you. Truly…sorry.”

She props my chin up with her finger and stares into my eyes. She’s warm and more beautiful than I thought.

“I’m sure we could work out some kind of…arrangement with that money, couldn’t we?”

No woman has ever looked at me like this before. Is she…offering herself to me so that I’ll repay the debt? Her wink is all I need to know for sure. She’s crazy. I actually find it a little funny. She grabs the collar of my shirt and leads me to the bedroom. Oh, why the hell not. This’ll show that bastard. She throws me onto my bed and looks at me with lust-filled eyes. In moments, we’re both naked and wrapped in passion. Incredible. I can’t believe this. Haha! One minute I feel like my life can’t get any worse and the next I’m banging the jerk’s wife.

“Worthless. You pathetic little filthy man. No one loves you. You’re all alone.”

Huh. What did she say to me?

“Worthless! Pathetic! Filthy! No one loves you!”

What the hell is this b'itch trying to pull? My veins fill with anger. I flip her over and wrap my hands around her neck. Say it again. Say it one more time!

“Wor…th…less…”

She smiles and starts laughing. I’m really going to kill you, b'itch. You think you can come in my house and treat me like this? No more. No more crap from anyone.

“Do it. Do it. Yes do it! Kill her! Show everyone!”

The walls close in on me and laugh with her. I tighten my grip and squeeze all my anger into her. Die. Die. Die. Her face grows red. Her eyes bulge. Yes. Yes! She stops laughing. She stops smiling. Finally peace again.

“Great job! Hahaha!”

The walls are all around me. No! Why are they so close? I stare at the lifeless body beneath me. She doesn’t look so beautiful anymore… Her lips quiver and slowly form in to a new smile. No. It can’t be. Why is she still alive? Why won’t she stop laughing? Stop it! The walls cave in, and I scream.

***

I really would be lost without Donna. Nights with her make the days seem all worth it. I slip out of bed and get ready for work. When I walk into the kitchen, I’m greeted by her sweet smile and a meal all ready to go.

“You’re the best. Why did you marry me?”

She laughs and takes a bite out of her toast. I finish the breakfast she prepared for me, kiss her on the cheek and step out for another day. I suppose I should apologize to that loser later, too. I wish he’d just pay me back. As I pause by his door for a moment, he comes bursting out. He stumbles right by me and heads outside. The hell? He really is a nutjob.

***

Heh. Bastard. One day you’re going to wish you didn’t look at me like that. I wander down the sidewalk, still lost and confused from my dream last night. Felt too dang real. Should have been real… Serves them right. Maybe I should just kill them and be rid of that problem. Haha. I turn the corner and notice the puppy from the other day still lying there. I bet it’s dead now. I skip through the disgusting air and stop to take a look at it. It doesn’t move. I give it a kick, and it whimpers even more pathetically than before. Heh. Just die already! What are you holding on to? I bend down to look at it closer. It stares back at me with pleading eyes. Its helplessness brings a smile to my face, and it smiles back at me. No! Even you’re mocking me? You dare to mock me? It starts to laugh. Ahh! I raise my foot and stomp out the noise. The puppy stops laughing. Heh. Hahaha! The street narrows and the buildings come closer. I’m dreaming! It’s all a dream!

***

Lunatic! Why the hell did I follow this freak? Why did I have to see that? Dammit. He killed that puppy. He killed it! I rush over to him and give him a hard shove.

“What have you done? What’s wrong with you?”

He looks up at me and grins. No, he’s laughing. He’s actually laughing. I need to get this guy help. He’s really lost it.

“Dude, you’re messed up. I know life sucks, but what th—”

Ah! Pain. Sudden, burning pain. I fall to the ground from the blow. The little freak grabbed a loose brick and smashed my knee. He gets up and dashes back towards the apartments. No way. No way am I letting you get away with this. I start to chase after him and nearly fall over. Gah! Unbelievable.

***

Haha! Suck on that, bastard! Oh I love this. I love it! Please let this dream never end. Your time is coming. You and precious wife. You’re both going to pay for what you’ve done to me. Disturbing my peace! I race down the sidewalk through this filthy, rotten dream world. Hehe. I burst in through the front door and go back to my place. I desperately look around for something to use. I’m in control now! Me! I’m in control, and everyone is going to feel it! Isn’t that right, Mom? You’re proud of me, right? She smiles at me so lovingly and hands me her lamp.

“Use this, honey. We’ll always be together.”

That’s right! Always together, Mom!

***

He’s not going anywhere. I stand in his door, blocking the way. I have no idea what he’s doing, but he is not going to be doing it on my watch. He talks to himself. No…his mother. He’s truly lost it.

“End of the line, asswipe. Now put down that lamp and come with me to the station. We can get you help.”

He explodes into laughter and charges at me with the old, rusty lamp. I try to dodge, but I lose my footing over a shoe lying on the floor. Crap—

***

HeheHAHAHA! I’m in control! I drive the beautiful lamp down onto his head. It shatters with a loud crash, and he falls to the floor. Blood trickles from his forehead. Brilliant, brilliant blood. I’m so happy. I wish I could stay asleep forever. I walk past his crippled body and kick down the door to his place. Sweet, sweet Donna. She screams. She grabs a knife to defend herself, but I can’t be stopped. Not today. Not ever again! I take flight and easily overpower her. What a beautiful body! I help myself to a feel and laugh along with the walls.

***

Ugh… No… I shake my head and manage to get to my feet. Screaming… My wife is…screaming. No! Adrenaline finally assumes power, and I race to my wife’s rescue. In an instant, I freeze. There he is. That…that pathetic man. Standing over my wife… Smiling. No, laughing again. Her lifeless body… Her eyes. Empty. No… I feel my fists tighten and everything goes blank.

I spend that night alone. All alone. A person will go mad if they have to live in these walls alone. My face is stained with tears. There’s nothing left now. Nothing but these walls. I turn my head and watch them slowly creep towards me. These walls…

--End.

 Comments

Third short story written for my creative writing class. Comments on what you liked and disliked would be most appreciated. If you find any errors I missed, please point them out! Extra eyes are most helpful. Overall, I feel happy with this one.

Enjoy!

Oh, and don't mind if the formatting is a little strange in parts. I C/P'd from Word and it messed some things up. I fixed as much as I could see.

Felt very strange and bleak, like I was reading something out of the twilight zone. It wasn't at all what I was expecting to read based on your funhouse thread (but in a good way!)

At first I felt pity for the main character, when he envisioned his mother's hand coming from the lamp. It took me by surprise how quickly that pity turned into disgust. For me, the road to insanity felt a little bit rushed, that's really my only nitpick about the story. Also, the scene with Jerry and Donna at dinner sounds a lot like a friend of mine and his girlfriend, haha. Absolutely believable.

It's always good to read your stuff, Kyle.

I am in no way saying this to justify anything (because I agree and was worried it would seem too sudden), but we had a 2500 word limit on this story. I typically go in with SO much, and then realize I'm going to blow past the limit. It's challenging. Honestly I don't think I'm very good at finding the proper pace for such a small space (lol). Even focusing more on trying to meet the limit this time, I think I came up like 64 words or something over. Not a big deal, though.

Always look forward to and appreciate your feedback, Throws. Thanks!

I am in no way saying this to justify anything (because I agree and was worried it would seem too sudden), but we had a 2500 word limit on this story. I typically go in with SO much, and then realize I'm going to blow past the limit. It's challenging. Honestly I don't think I'm very good at finding the proper pace for such a small space (lol). Even focusing more on trying to meet the limit this time, I think I came up like 64 words or something over. Not a big deal, though.

Always look forward to and appreciate your feedback, Throws. Thanks!

Grrrrrrr... I hate this. Blocking my creative writing juices! Let me go grab some coffee and read it. Looks interesting.

EDIT - Wow! That was pretty shabby. You're really good at using imagery, like very good. I hope you're in the making of writing a novel mang.

EDIT - Wow! That was pretty shabby. You're really good at using imagery, like very good. I hope you're in the making of writing a novel mang.

shab⋅by: –adjective, -bi⋅er, -bi⋅est.
6. inferior; not up to par in quality, performance, etc.: a shabby rendition of the sonata.

I'm hoping you meant to use another word besides shabby, because the rest of your post doesn't make sense if shabby was the word you meant to use.

And I kind of guessed that it was a page or word limit that kept you from delving more into the story (since you've obviously shown that you are capable of writing more lengthy pieces.) Still a very good read, though reading it through a second time I noticed the SP filter got you in a couple places. I guess I'm so used to the filter that I missed it the first time around.

I noticed the SP filter got you in a couple places. I guess I'm so used to the filter that I missed it the first time around.

Gah... I forgot about that.

Alright, I think I found them. I usually don't use "colorful" words that get filtered, so I didn't even think of it.

Wow, that was great! I always love reading your stuff, but at the beginning I kind of got a bit confused with the two characters but other than that it was great.

I thought shabby meant like good. Like when people say not too shabby... Oh wait. Damnit, well it was good Felix. There lol

I am in no way saying this to justify anything (because I agree and was worried it would seem too sudden), but we had a 2500 word limit on this story. I typically go in with SO much, and then realize I'm going to blow past the limit. It's challenging. Honestly I don't think I'm very good at finding the proper pace for such a small space (lol). Even focusing more on trying to meet the limit this time, I think I came up like 64 words or something over. Not a big deal, though.

From the other thread, I kinda got the idea that you were going to do another story for SP. That being said, the premise of the story is very good, but I don't think it translates well into a short story. I'm sure everyone would agree that it is challenging to write with word limits. It felt like you cut a lot of corners and that hurt the story. I also thought you could have been a little more descriptive with the environment details. It felt awkward not knowing where things were, especially the part where the neighbor's wife leads the MC to his bedroom (lol). Leaving out the details just makes me think it could have been a lot more darker than it was. Other than that, I thought it was a good read. I'd love to see you write this again if you ever felt like it, without the word limit.

Thanks for the comments so far everyone.

That's kind of what short stories end up being for me: kind of like an "intro" or "sample" into something that may or may not have the potential to be expanded into a larger story. The second story (which I was really happy with) I wrote for this class is something I do plan on expanding (it may be the next story I write for SP, if I ever get around to that). This one, I'm not so sure about. I could see myself rewriting it with no limit, but nothing past that. Expand some details and things like that.

I actually liked the fast pace. It made it more exciting and I can really see the rapid final deterioration of his mind. That said, I thought some things, especially the walls, really needed the extra details you couldn't put in. For example,

The walls are all around me. No! Why are they so close? I stare at the lifeless body beneath me. She doesn’t look so beautiful anymore… Her lips quiver and slowly form in to a new smile. No. It can’t be. Why is she still alive? Why won’t she stop laughing? Stop it! The walls cave in, and I scream.

While this is good overall, I didn't think the walls didn't really had the impact I imagined from the other thread. The way you used it, I felt it should have been repeated a few times and become a recurring theme. Right now, it seems more like an isolated detail and so, the very end with the reference to the walls felt much weaker than it can be.

My favorite part was the relationship between Jerry and Donna. Really well done. I also liked the dream with Donna and it tricked me into thinking it was real for a few moments. I was thinking, "but this doesn't make sense!" and then I realized it was a dream.