"Tiger" Parenting.

I don't think there's really any way for us to see eye to eye here. (Western vs Eastern cultures). Western civilization simply doesn't accept that kind of parenting anymore. However, I ask all those who think tiger parenting is preferable to ponder this. You have(at least not in documented history) never tried parenting our way. However that kind of parenting was acceptable here even when my dad was a kid. I don't know about others, but my dad's stories from his childhood 50 years ago depict something much closer to what is in place for you now. If we have been moving from one model to another, and never bothered to look back, then there must be something appealing about it, or unappealing about that old way. That said, Sarah noted and is quite right that there are some parents who are downright lazy or disinterested in the whole idea. Or simply just not cut out to parent. A child needs structure, even some basic rules. However I think we're on to something in the way we've changed in raising our children.

I hate to say it, but I generally do pick up hints of a lot of you who turned out to be asian before I knew for sure that you were. In that way, Sarah is right. It's almost like the spirit has been stepped on far too many times.

 Refuting Sarah

The reason why I could have brought out my "Asian" from within me is simply how you treated me. Remember "treat people the way you like to be treated?" I don't think you give a damn about it anyways from what I've seen from you. Maybe consider why I gave you my treatment towards you in return?

Going back on topic...

I'm proud of who I am. The "pushing for success" mentality I have - in contrast to what you said - will Feel free to criticize me for how I approach things. But in the long run, the "working hard" mentality will show itself. A lot. I'm not speaking simply because I'm just an Asian. I'm speaking this because I strive for success, and I don't give up easily on things that I set my eyes upon. In the long run, the difference is extremely huge. It defines your success or failures in life.

But seriousness aside, I do have my fun at times when I finish a task that was laid out for me, or need a break from the stress. I"m not the typical "no-life Asian", contrary to what you attacked me for, Sarah. Otherwise I wouldn't even be playing computer games as leisure, or even be here on Southperry right now. Or be able to explore what the world has to offer to me every day, and broaden my knowledge of different kinds of people. Had I gone the "pure Asian route", I would be a completely different person - with negative consequences - and I hate to see myself be like that. Yet I still hold certain aspects of "being an Asian" - hardworking, studious - to provide the discipline I need for success.

And plus, Sarah, you seem to generalize Asians too much. We are hard working, but we're not the "no-lifers" you're portraying us for. I'm not offended, but maybe get your mind out of a narrow mindset? Asians are much more of a variety than you perceive us to be. And I've seen many types of Asians - personality-wise - myself.

Again, the article is not meant to say that Asians have "no spirit" in general. Plus, there are some ideas and themes within that book that are a complete contrast to what the author says in the beginning (aka what was written in the article). Open your eyes.

Lag-induced double post. Sorry.

The lacking spirit that I mentioned prior. There's a sort of brokenness to them.

Eh, I don't know if we have brokenness. I think we accept cruelty too well, mould to it too well, and find it too easy to love people who treat us horribly. All while doing absolutely nothing about it. Being attacked becomes the norm that most of us got used to.

I ain't guna lie - I am a pretty noob driver. But to my defense, my dad was yelling at me about stuff irrelevant to my driving. It was when he called me a liar (he thought I was faking the hyperventilating) that my hyperventilating just collapsed into an anxiety attack.

I know some counsellors might tell you to go back to him and apologise for not being a good son so that you can keep the family together, but that is extremely messed up. I think you should get as far away from him as possible.

He could've caused your death in his anger. Get away for your own safety, if not for anything else.

The usual counter-argument would be that the child(ren), having experienced "Tiger" parenting, will make sure that they do the opposite, and then let their child(ren).

Hadriel

Sorry, but I cannot agree with you here. If people are treated and brought up with abuse, they will become inclined to inflict it on others. Whether it's out of intense accumulated anger at themselves or their parents because of the abuse, it strengthens the possibility of them becoming abusive parents themselves. Tiger parenting propagates itself. It takes a lot to go the other way, especially if you know you will be (and you end up being) hit by abuse in the next second, or hour, or day.

If their entire childhood is founded on that sort of behaviour, even if they were to try to change, the majority of them wouldn't know the essentials of other forms of parenting. Simply not enough are receptive to, care about, or realize that there are other ways of raising children.

^Correct. I saw that one coming, and it is a very true issue - abuse breeds abuse, well... that's if the Tiger Parenting involves what the child deems as abuse. In most traditional families, from the modern PoV that would be... pretty often.

That's why I brought in the issue of education and Western influence as well. It gives the asian families some chance to relook at themselves and consider if they want to continue such a "tradition" of Tiger Parenting. It will take a good amount of time before things really start to become more moderate, but you can't deny the fact that Asians are starting to become more moderate and [slowly...] take the teeth off the roar.

Can't see eye to eye... well at least we know and understand each other's PoVs [nevermind the agreement]. You did say that was 50 years ago. Well... SG isn't 50 years old yet... so gotta give more time.

I've had [very personal] chats with my friends many years ago about their future possible families, how they want to bring up their child[ren]. Everything here came up before, we know and we can't decide fully yet how we might want to bring up our child(ren). Years have passed... many are now overseas like me, receiving a great deal more Western inputs. I will never really know how I'd bring up my child until I have one, but until then I am very sure that most of my friends don't want their children to be at any ends of the extreme when them up. The only problem is... this is just for my circle of friends... which is but a very small and non-representative subset of the entire Asian population...

I don't quite think my spirit is broken. To call me a dead man, yes fine. Not hard to tell I'm an Asian anyway, but this is what I choose to be - as neutral as possible. More amused than any form of being offended by that statement actually. I'd say that my sentiments are fairly similar to Haseo on this.

Hadriel

I know some counsellors might tell you to go back to him and apologise for not being a good son so that you can keep the family together, but that is extremely messed up. I think you should get as far away from him as possible.

He could've caused your death in his anger. Get away for your own safety, if not for anything else.

My opinion on counselors isn't very bright. So hopefully somebody else has a better opinion of them (based on experience).

Counselors are a "taste-test" of the sort of help that can be available if the abused kids seek for it. They are important people who hold contacts to professional help (or at least that's what I've been led to believe). Personally, I believe that a victim in these situations have poor judgement of what is abuse and therefore require that approach from someone who does recognize it. Be it because they're scared because they don't know what options are available or because they fail to see what can be done, it's up to a counselor to lead them to the kind of help each individual needs. But when these kids realize walking away isn't guna make the bully not chase you, or saying sorry isn't going to change the abusive relationships, they are going to feel hopeless. Best part is, it's thanks to some of these counselors that a child starts journeying towards the abyss of depression.

And no, at 22 years old, I've already developed a sense of right and wrong. I wasn't wrong here, I was wronged. I could tell his coming to speak to me was just an half-ass attempt at an upgrade for his parenting skills. The problem is, I'm not an idiot. Body language alone tells me the action isn't sincere, let alone analyzing the contents of what he had to say. I'm not sure how much changes but I'm a female. At this point though, I'm considered failed experiment. His treatment towards me vs towards my 13 years younger sister is different. It's an attempt at a more modern approach I'll give him that (he's only ever beaten her ONCE vs my every time when I got in trouble) but how different stands as a mystery till she's matured into her teens.