News titles I'd like to see before I die

No particular order:

1. Speeding ricer hits the back of an SUV. The SUV suffered no damage.
2. Emo kid finally cuts right. Died in a pool of blood.
3. Fat man leads the Olympics with the most gold medals.
4. Studies show that porn is beneficial for society.
5. Pedophile cracks down on child pornography epidemic.
6. Swear words have been ruled illegal. People now cuss with names of fruits instead.
7. Studies show plants can feel pain. Vegetarians all over the world have switched to eating meat.
8. Infamous internet troll arrested and tried for disturbing the peace.
9. Research reveals that George Carlin may have been Jesus.
10. Boy fought against a soda can, and the soda can won.
11. Research shows that people can extend their lifespan by doing absolutely nothing.

Epic, Win.

I really liked 7

6. Swear words have been ruled illegal. People now cuss with names of fruits instead.

I think you've spent too much time at SP. Seriously when the pineapple are people gonna pineappleing swear using pineappleing fruits and pomegranate as swears like pineappleing papayas?

9. Research reveals that George Clinton may have been Jesus.

...rite?

LMFAO! Cuss words being illegal XD

...rite?

George Carlin was pretty famous for his Religious jokes. He was an Atheist and would bash on Religion like no other. So it would be ironic if George CARLIN was in fact Jesus.

...rite?

Get off. :<

George Carlin was pretty famous for his Religious jokes. He was an Atheist and would bash on Religion like no other. So it would be ironic if George CARLIN was in fact Jesus.

Thank you.

Where's...

"Girl impregnates another girl!"

??!??!?!? It's not possible, but heeeey, it'd be nice to see in the news, harhar.

^ I remember that being on the news.

I like this one:

Highway to heaven: German car flies into church roof
Jan 26, 2009

CHEMNITZ, Germany (AFP) — German police were testing a 23-year-old man for traces of alcohol Monday after his car came off the road and soared 35 metres (115 feet) through the air to land in a church roof.

Police in Chemnitz in eastern Germany said the speeding car smashed through a crash barrier on Sunday night and was lifted up into the air by a metre-high bank that acted like a ramp.

The car ended up with its rear end sticking out of the church roof, seven metres up. The driver was seriously hurt but his injuries were not life-threatening, police said.

i d like to see

Maple Story is now illegal in 134 countries, suspects are shoot on sight and no questions asked.


cuz id like to do something illegal and maple seems like the right thing to me.

12. Marijuana legalized for active duty military personnel

(j/k)

12. Marijuana legalized for active duty military personnel

(j/k)

Soldier 1: Hey guys...want some marijuana, its soooo good.
Soldier 2: Totally man, hand it over
Soldiers: -Begin to smoke-
Enemy: CHARGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Soldiers 2: Oh noes, -laughs- the enemy is coming. -laughs some more-
Enemy: .....are they high?
Soldiers 1: Yup. -gets shot and dies-

We're half way to number 6!

Also,
12. Chinchillas accepted as leaders of society. The world rejoices.

Soldier 1: Hey guys...want some marijuana, its soooo good.
Soldier 2: Totally man, hand it over
Soldiers: -Begin to smoke-
Enemy: CHARGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Soldiers 2: Oh noes, -laughs- the enemy is coming. -laughs some more-
Enemy: .....are they high?
Soldiers 1: Yup. -gets shot and dies-

What's completely ridiculous about that is that drinking, while legal, is absolutely prohibited on duty. Any soldier in the position to be shot at is more than likely on an alcohol ban to begin with, so this situation, if it WERE legal, would never happen. Alcohol is prohibited on a Navy Vessel that is underway as well.